Large Bachelorette Group Wants to be Larger

Hi! I’ve searched and read many of the “extra guests” posts and can’t find one that quite fits this scenario. I had a nice, bride-to-be contact me months ago to book our beach property for her bachelorette party. She was polite and thoughtful in her request and I sent her our rental agreement and told her as long as it wasn’t a wild party, we would accommodate her group. She assured me that she and her friends don’t party and she simply wants to relax and work on her pre-wedding tan.

Then, two days ago, she asked if she could bring extra friends above and beyond our capacity of 10 adults. She is asking for 14 people to stay. I gave her a polite “no” and then she sent this message:

“I by no means intend to disrespect you, your boundaries, or your sacred space. After initially booking this trip I had many more no’s than I anticipated which was why I invited more friends and truthfully, I am humbled that my friends were somehow all able to make it work, even if only for a night. But, I truly did not expect at any point to be over numbers. I misjudged the capacity because I saw the extra bed spaces and that was my own mistake. This is the first time that the important women in my life are all able to meet and get to know each other since I moved to North Carolina 3 years ago. I am getting married in my home state and my friends who live in NC are not able to attend so this trip was the only way I could commemorate this life event with them. This is also the first time that I have ever planned anything entirely for myself, as I am usually prioritizing others before myself. I am more than happy to bring my air mattress to lay out at night and I’d be more than happy to put it away promptly the next morning before we go relax on the beach, and give you more money for the extra people. I would really love to work something out with you, and I know this is a situation that is asking a lot from you. My family has rental properties so I know all too well the stress that goes into letting strangers who you don’t know or trust into your home. My friends and I are all very respectful of a family-centered community as we are all family oriented ourselves. I feel so guilty having to un-invite people because I don’t want to upset anyone since these women mean so much to me. But, I also unfortunately cannot take the financial hit of canceling this reservation to look for a larger rental and not receiving my money back. Honesty and integrity are part of my foundational values, which is why I am being so transparent about all of this. I really do hope we can make something work, this is such a special time for me. I know the idea of a “bachelorette party” is daunting based on your past experiences but I am not actually into “partying” so your space will be fully respected by myself and the other mature women whom I associate with. I am grateful that you have listened to my requests, this has been quite a learning experience for me.”

I then sent her another polite “no” because we are consistent with our capacity restrictions and even sent her links to other places for her extra friends to stay. Any other thoughts or suggestions here? I would love others’ opinions; thank you!!!


You dodged a bullet here…


I think you did the right thing. Explain you are at the maximum allowed. Keep it short and sweet. I get requests to change my rules and it never works out no matter what the folks promise.


If I ran this kind of place I’d probably “work something out” that involved a substantial deposit and added payment. OTOH, “don’t break your own rules” is a good maxim.

Frankly, you aren’t a therapist, a family member, a wedding planner. Her mistakes, her moving to NC and her finances are not your problem.

Tell her you called your insurance agent and you can’t take the financial risk associated with having your insurance cancelled due to exceeding your mandated guest limit.

My other thought is that 10-14 people traveling in from around the country is a covid event and I wouldn’t hesitate to play that card in some fashion either.


Some thoughts in reading your post:

  • If you were say yes, the chances that even more than 14 will show just increased.
  • The chances of a destructive party go up drastically with the number of people.
  • It’s not in the interest of public health to host a large reservation during the current pandemic .
  • If the guest doesn’t cancel, you need to watch this reservation very closely. You know the guest wants to bring more than 10 people and the chances they sneak in more people have just increased.
  • Saying “no” to the guest has already increased your chances of a bad review if it’s not cancelled.
  • The sob story is most likely a load of crap. The bit about honesty and integrity will be tested if the guest brings in extra people, has a messy or destructive party, or leaves a bad review.

Use a “free” cancellation by host on the basis that they are likely to break house rules.

This sounds like a load of grief on the way.



That’s exactly what I would do as well.


Like @KKC if I had that type of place then I’d be okay with it. I had this even with my tiny apartments a few years ago. A couple asked to bring their daughter and son-in-law and because they were in the bigger apartment (one bedroom one queen bed) I was fine with it.

But after reading the OP’s post above, I’d keep a very close eye on her. She sounds like a weirdo to me.


Yet she doesn’t feel guilty about trying to pressure you into okaying over-capacity. She “doesn’t want to upset anyone”, yet upsetting you is obviously not an issue for her. And why did she invite more than you allow, anyway?


Right! That part really gets me. I would be upset and worried about that many folks being in the house. I guess it doesn’t upset her because I’m not one of her BFFs. She said that she over-invited because she didn’t think everyone would be a “yes”. I emailed her back letting her know her options: cancel for half back and rebook the entire group at a place that holds 15 just south of us or book her extra guests at other nearby accommodations. I even sent her the links to all of the other places I suggested. She seems immature and naïve to me which again, could pose issues related to lack of responsibility.


A lack of preparation on her side does NOT constitute an emergency on yours.
Sounds like high party risk, with your property, regardless of 10 or 14, this booking or any other. Make sure to get Full Names, Addresses, Ages and IDs (as required by insurance).
Agree with @KKC - your stay cries out for a Direct Security Deposit. Min $2500. Better yet $5000. In your hands - not a BS Air one. Such deposits are the only way to keep some guests in line.


Think how you would feel when more guests piled in and your place got trashed. No is the correct answer.
You have no way to know if this person is honest and telling the truth or just trying to get around the rules and saying things she hopes will appeal to you.
Not your problem, she’s the one that also needs to say no and sorry to some of her friends.


You did exactly what I would have done by sending her close-by additional rentals.

If they’re not partying in the house, why do they all have to be in the same house? Makes no sense. They can be together on the beach, at a restaurant, etc.

To be generous, she may be all stressed out with wedding planning and not thinking straight. A small variation from her plans may seem like an emergency when she’s in that sort of headspace.

But trying to make it your problem and make you feel guilty by saying she will have to “un-invite” people is ridiculous.

Big risk of them all congregating at your house regardless, so if they proceed you should make your rules on daytime visitors very clear. If you are going to allow them all to be daytime visitors, there is some probability they will all be spending the night. She’s got the air mattresses all lined up! Cite insurance requirements and local ordinances as applicable. Also have a response ready for a refund request if she is outside of your cancellation window.

Let her know you have the capability to do a head count. Remind her about any outside cameras you have “for guests’ safety and security.” Consider saying that you/your property manager will be stopping by after check-in to drop off her complimentary bridal gift (any old basket with spa supplies will do) and make sure they are comfortable and have everything they need.


She agreed to the terms of the booking, but this entitled airhead thinks that she can wheedle you like she probably does her parents. No, no, and no, and you’ll have to watch your cameras because I suspect that she’s been planning to ignore your capacity restrictions all along.

Good luck at helping her learn how to adult.


Based on her message to you I would cancel her reservation. To me it reads like a lot of BS and she’s trying to manipulate you.


I think that’s probably correct. When you need to take up a page with an explanation something is probably off.


We had a few main concerns when figuring out our max capacity including wear/tear, likelihood of parties, plus septic and water usage (we run on a well, not sure your set-up). We’ve furnished outfitted and supplied our 2 Airbnb’s accordingly and stick to our guns when it comes to how many people we can accommodate.

As others said, I think pulling the liability/insurance reason or septic system capacity could help. But honestly, this shouldn’t be your problem. Her personal dilemma of over-inviting guests is a TMI situation.

I’d do a free cancel too and save yourself the headache and possible damage/bad review.


can anyone tell me how I can post a topic? I feel really stupid can’t seem to work it out

New users are limited by the Discourse software. You have to be here some period of time before you can post. The prevents spam and also encourages people to read first to see if they can find an answer to their question.

I hope this groom knows what he is signing up for in this marriage…