I want to write the review now, while I'm boiling!

But they’ve left their luggage here till 4pm, so if I review, they can review, then see my review. And then have access to my home again to pick up their luggage! So I must wait till they’ve completely gone!
It’s no biggie, they haven’t trashed the place, just a couple of frustrating things, adding up to me fuming slightly.
“We’re arriving at 7pm”, oh good, I’ve got all day to prep the rooms. And then at midday “oh, one of us is arriving at 3pm”.
Back from their party 2am, I heard lots of energetic sex, and lots of door slamming - the type where you slump against it, and it goes WHUMP! and shakes the house. I tend to tiptoe around so as not to disturb guests, and shut the doors as quietly as possible, twist the handle, close gently, release the handle.
This morning at checkout they asked to leave luggage till 4pm, I said fine, now cross with myself for not having done my “if you want to stay all day, you can have late-checkout for £10” speech.
All lights on upstairs, some juicy sex stains and quite a lot of blood on a bed sheet and a peach towel! Curtains are hanging off as they couldn’t work out that you pull the cord to draw them.
So nothing too serious, all part of the job, but what ball ache.
“cannot recommend”
How’s your Sunday?


TBH probably a good thing they’re coming back later so you can let the steam dissipate a bit before leaving a review. I have had a few times where guests have not been very considerate and left the room in not the tidiest of states. After I’ve cleaned it & sorted it out (and had a rant to myself) I realise in the grand scheme of things no harm done and some people are just ‘different’. I even had a similar curtain episode where they yanked the rail out of the ceiling recently.

I don’t mention any specifics in the ratings as what I feel unacceptable may be perfectly acceptable to other hosts but tend to give a generally neutral review and tick the not recommended box.

I have noticed this year so far some guests have been a bit more “nobby” than last year & speaking to others in my village they’re all saying the same - something’s a changing in the wind. :stuck_out_tongue:


See? You’ve already managed to go from “boiling” in your subject line to “fuming slightly” in the body of your post.

At this rate, by 4pm you should just about be “annoyed”…hang in there!!


Writing review while boiling is the WORST thing you could ever do. Write it NEXT WEEK after you’ve calmed down.


I think I WILL. You’re absolutely RIGHT


Now then, @Barns

You know very well that guests will have noisy sex, stain sheets and mess hosts around when it comes to arrival times. I’d recommend red wine :wine_glass:

I would LOVE to see your review say ‘A lot of noisy sex with the expected resultant sheet mess’. Why don’t hosts say things like that I wonder :rofl:


Exactly this. I don’t have a shared-space listing, but everything else you mentioned is average with my guests.

This. Wait until you are on gentle simmer.
I had one couple with lots and lots of door and wall slamming accompanied by shrieking laughter and singing around 2 a.m., normally you can’t hear a thing what with my soundproofing efforts. I started out annoyed but ended up thinking, well, it’s nice to be young. They did not leave a mess, however.

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We also have a shared space, and our house rules state “Out of respect for each other, quiet time 11:00 PM - 6:00 AM”. We are very careful to honor that… and with the 150+ people here, only 2 didn’t follow that, so not bad!

In the review, I’d state “Very noisy late at night, would be better suited for hotel or private house”. (But they may even get called down in a hotel as well, or by neighbors in a private house.)

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Way ahead of you there! x


Glad to hear it :rofl:

Fantastic photograph!


I joined a wine club, and every time they say “thripence off”, I’m straight in!


the blood came out of the cheap peach towel, but not the Marks & Spencer bedsheet…

Blood on the sheets! That’s nasty. Sorry you had to endure such lack of consideration. Hang in there.

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You are a man so maybe you don’t know that blood should always be rinsed in cold water first. It will rinse right out in most cases if you don’t denature the protein with hot water, rendering it “dye”.

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:slight_smile:I soaked it in Vanish Oxi formula for half hour, then machine washed at 30deg, the coldest my machine will do


10 volume hydrogen peroxide might do it, if you haven’t applied any heat yet.


I tumble dried it :frowning:

in the future, never heat it until you have removed the stain. try it anyway, you can’t wreck it worse and that stuff is handy to have around for stains. sold at the beauty supply store.


Peroxide takes blood out[