Guest does not want to go out of the house

My wife and I have been hosting for nearly a year. It is a room within a family home. We have hosted since our son left home to utilise the space. Most people come and are always busy especially when shorter staying. We have a guest for 5 weeks who is on a course during the week. She has barely gone out on the weekend. I do not want to stipulate strict rules and people need to utilise their time but the house is not that big, On weekends we tend to have more down family time and the guest has wanted to cook and utilise the kitchen.
My wife has a demanding job and often sees Saturday as her mental health day where she wants downtime. Mostly guests will be busy, go out early and come back later in the afternoon or evening. I do not want to seem unwelcoming but it is difficult when someone is in a communal house for a long while. Any tips to how to deal with this without being pushy or rude.

Welcome Wexler! As far as I’m concerned (other people here might be more helpful to your plight) there’s nothing you can do. The guest is paying for the room - she isn’t paying for the room except on weekend daytimes when your wife wants her ‘downtime’. Sorry, but she’s entitled to stay in - she’s paying for the privilege.

Unfortunately, if you allow kitchen use in your listing, the guest will want to use those facilities during the weekend.

This is an excellent reason, and there are others, of why it’s not a good idea to have guests who want to stay for more than a couple of weeks.

As a solo female, in town on a course, she might feel that she knows no-one locally and is happier in her room reading, chatting on the computer or doing hobbies rather than going out - I can sympathise with that. I’m sure that you can too.

As you’ve been hosting for a year and this is the first time the problem has come up, then you probably won’t have the same thing again for a while.

Going forward though, it’s a good idea to make sure that your guest room has plenty of things to keep guests occupied (local magazines, some books etc.), that your house manual has recommendations for places to go and you might want to add a microwave/basic facilities. That way, you can offer your listing without the use of kitchen.

Guests using the kitchen so often causes problems.


As @jaquo said, you’re kinda stuck.

One because you let someone stay 5 weeks in a shared home situation (wouldn’t be so bad at our detached cabana listing). In some states guests staying more than 29 days have completely different rights that could cause you problems.

Two – you can’t tell the guest that the room, or the kitchen is theirs only between specific hours. They pay for a room 24/7, period – whether they hibernate in there or only sleep is a non sequitur.

Three – If your house rules do not specify hours and days for guest use of the kitchen, all you can do is politely share. Start by asking when she wants to prepare her meals. Or tell her you prepare meals between X and Y and she can use the kitchen and have it cleaned up when she’s done before or after your times.


She’s a student so she’s broke and doesn’t know anyone in the area. Maybe you can have a BBQ and invite your friends, their college kids and your younger neighbors and hope she gets along with some of them that will take her out on weekends. If she knew people in the area she would probably go out, even if it was just for a bike ride.


Just make sure it’s not your bike she’s riding! :wink:


Is the guest following the rules and arrangement when booking? If so, then what is your question?

At least you know they are alive, I have a guest house and sometimes they don’t leave for 3 days, no sound and no getting food, I always think the worse. But it sounds like you set your self up for this, the only thing you can do is a little more vetting and change your description that reads that it is more suitable for tourist and explores, rather than students, or couch potatoes. We get a lot of movie people, so they check-in at 11 pm and leave at 6 am, wedding people, one-nighter, they are all great guest. But 5 weeks is something I would never do in my house because I live in California with our strange laws.


I went through all kinds of arrangements and longer staying guests are my favorite.
I am not sure why some hosts dislike it so much.
And I am not a super easy going person who is not bothered by presence of strangers . I need my personal space a lot, people make me tired very easily. I am super sensitive to heavy energy that some guests bring into the house.

I had to survive and make money and I couldn’t avoid having all kind of people in my house. I went from no rules to many rules.
I battled with " no cooking " rules for 3.5 years and
Only then established it. I thought I would never have any guests with this kind of rules. But guess what, now all 3 guests longer stays dont cook and ok with it.
My kitchen is open for use only to make hot drinks and use toaster and make smoothies. Every room has fridge and microwave .
That is very usefull.

All my guests have 2 things in common: they work long hours and very quiet. Tired people are usually very quiet. Also I dont host couples any longer.

I don’t care if they stay in a lot. I dont hear them, and dont see them.


well, she is your guest, you can’t force her to go out. if you allow cooking, she is within her rights to want to cook. I do understand your pain though. one idea is to block off weekends for yourselves and host just during the week. Also I wouldn’t want to host someone for 5 weeks. its hard to imagine that a guest will stay with you 5 weeks and be in her room just to put her head down and never use the kitchen!


There all kind of people, some won’t cook if you pay them. One of my guests stays with me for almost 2 years now and I saw him recently on a kitchen looking for cereal bowl. He doesn’t even know where things are

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well, i don’t like long stays because if they stay at my house after day 3 i feel exhausted and want my privacy back. if they stay at the other house, after a while they’ll get bored and start to destroy things. like someone was saying here, on this forum, guests, like fish start to smell after 3 days. i totally agree. the more they stay the more trash accumulates etc.
also there’'s a law in PA where if a guest stays more than 28 days he is treated like a regular tenant. meaning you have to go through all those legal procedure to evict him if, say, he doesn’t want to pay and doesn’t want to leave.
May I ask why you don’t want to host couples? can you actually do it? I don’t want to host anyone under 25 for example and I cant put it in the rules, but I try to dissuade people if they tell me they are that young (and seem immature to me).

Would you feel the same exsausted if you never saw or heard them ? And I mean NEVER.
My newest guest moved in 2 weeks ago. I saw her once …the day she moved in. And then I saw her once walking to her car through the window
I don’t host couples anymore because they produce extra noise only by talking between themselves …silly as it sounds but it’s true. I was woken up enough in a morning by couple giggling and talking in full volume.
Then there is cooking …then eaveything is double: laundry, door slamming and showers. Also towels.
Once I had a couple who smokes, both of them. They would go out to smoke and door was opening and closing all night long .

On Airbnb you can put 1 guest max.
I had guests destroying everything after 2 days stay…my memorable party of 6 who complained about crumbs in a sink and ended up paying me 500$ for cleaning extra only.

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Can you involve the guest in some of your activities in your shared space (cooking, TV, games, etc.)?

Can your wife have some downtime somewhere else besides your shared space (bedroom, park, library, bar, etc.)?

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Hehehe…thata a lot of compromises

I had indian guests (single guests) who called their family in India at 6 am and talked loudly, slammed doors, giggled etc. Or late at night (talking to their wives in another state). Or snore. Or fry bacon (granted this was an american, not indian) at 6 am!!! or watch action movies with the sound on very loud (at 6 am).
that’s why I cant have guests more than 3 days in a row in the house i live in. Otherwise I’d kill them! And i prefer ladies or elderly. I forbade cooking in my house, ever since the incident with the guests who ruined my all clad pans and poured bacon fat down the sink.

O sorry to hear it. Good idea for forbidding cooking .
I actually have Indian guy now for a month who is the best guest ever. He also talks in Skype sometimes but if he talked at 6 am I would tell him for sure .
Door slamming is a huge nuisanse.
This is what I go over at check in. I actually even show them how to open and close door quietly .
Most people follow…some don’t .
Few month ago I made up reasons and told a guest from Craigslist that I have to have room back because it didn’t matter how many times we told him he kept on slamming doors

This totally happens to us once in a while. When it’s a room in a shared primary residential home, and you’re not offering roommate-style accommodations, it can gets a bit sticky for those 7+ nighters. That’s why we use Airbnb - we don’t want a roommate. If we wanted a roommate, we’d find a tenant.

However, whether is it’s 1 guest over 5 weeks, or 5 different guests for 1 week, you still have to learn to share your space. Lucky for you, there’s light at the end of this longer-term stay tunnel. Supposedly, there are horror stories of squatters, but I don’t understand how they can be permitted to stay when new guests are arriving. Turn on Instant Bookings, future bookings will get made, and “squatters” will have to vacate, or it will get really awkward.

If you’re not comfortable with longer stays, set a maximum number of nights. We have 2 guestrooms, one is a tiny, one-person guestroom for which we set a 7-night max. One guest described the room as monastic. It’s a simple, no frills, no TV, and ideal for those one-nighters. Use of the common areas of the house is permitted, but with a maximum number of nights, no one really has to time to “settle in.” The other room is larger and has space for sitting and watching TV. We actually encourage guests to eat in the kitchen to minimize the chance of food getting spilled in the bedrooms, which are upstairs.

Of course, everyone is different. We’ve had some really amazing people stay with us for 2+ weeks, and some people we were really glad only stayed 1 or 2 nights. We’re probably more fortunate to have a larger home with space that’s off-limits to guests. Having stayed with other hosts with small accommodations, having our own space I thinks makes everyone feel more at home.

Frankly, I think people (like children) appreciate ground rules and clear boundaries. For longer stays, I’d say it’s perfectly acceptable and appreciated to establish some framework for how guests and hosts should interact. It also gives you leverage if things aren’t going well, and if it’s an established House Rule, Airbnb should have your back. Sure, they’re paying to stay in your space 24/7, but you’re not a hotel, and I think guests (and hosts) should be more flexible in shared home situations. If someone is staying longer than the average stay (for us it’s 2.514 nights), letting guests know your routines might save a whole lot of headache and consternation.

We have family dinner every Wednesday night. If a guest is checking in on that night, or appears to be sticking around the house a lot, we inform them. It’s not a written rule, but we let them know we have company coming over and that we need the kitchen, dining room, and parking Wednesday night.

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yes, in general Indian guys are the best guests for me too. it was just this one, no two of them who were probably too young and didn’t realize. actually one of them told me he’s staying in a stranger’s house for the first time in his life and was a bit tense, like a kid. my limit of stay in my house is 3 days.

Well said!
There is nothing wrong with telling people how we do it in our own houses.
Even saying things like weekends are for peace and quiet and no hanging outs in a kitchen for longer term guests is a good idea.
One of my prospective guests asked me what areas of the house he can use .
That rang an alarm for me.
My question is why he thinks he can use other areas of the house? It’s hot and sticky outside and full of moscitos… The only reason why he is asking is that he smokes . Strike number one.
Then when I reminded about no visitors he had a " look" in his eyes . I didn’t have to go any further . Told him I am still deciding .
It is work and learning experience for sure to share your home.

We has stories here about squatters.
I am not sure also how it happen if another booked guest is coming .
Once I had to kick out a guest. And she ran when she saw me dialing police.
Later I checked her records and she has a record of not leaving someone’s house and ended up in jail

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Wexter, to me it reads quite a bit like you want to have your cake and eat too.

If you don’t want guests on the weekend, block the days. It is a easy as that.