Then he said, in another post, she has lived with him over a year.
Odd. Looks like the OP is confused …
Edit: yeah found the post. And found the one where he says he pays for everything…
According to OP they’ve lived together for a year, so, whatever furniture she was going to bring in she had already brought in the past year, I assume.
Since her home then turned into an airbnb, I assume that the home had furniture that may have been more generic for the airbnb guests and the things near and dear are already in her boyfriend’s home.
So, I don’t think that she simply wasn’t allowed to bring her furniture into the house, but the furniture from her house are extra ones.
As to having ‘lost her income’ because she gave up her lease - if she was making profit, above the rent she was paying, then why would she give up her lease? First of all, she was able to make income on that property, because her boyfriend has been nice enough to allow her to live with him for free. So, it’s not as if she has given up her job for him. She wouldn’t have had that airbnb income in the first place, if he hadn’t been around.
2nd, I suspect that she was not making a lot of extra money or she would have just kept it.
In the end, of course, we’re second-guessing someone else’s relationship because he asked us to. I’ve done it as much as anyone else. The two of them need to decide what their relationship is about and how work and money play into it.
Ok… a lot of this has gotten out of hand with speculations. I was aggravated at the time of the post. There’s more to it that I didn’t feel needed posting, but apparently it does…
I have custody of my 2 daughters. (11,12). I work internationally and “on-call”. I could be gone for 2 days, 2 weeks, or, a month. Never know! She started staying with me after we officially started dating so give my parents some relief from driving 40min round trip twice a day to get my kids on/off the bus. I have never asked her for any money for living expenses as she’s basically being a mother to my girls when I am away. I have to feed my kids, so what’s one more mouth? At times I forget how much she does and when $ gets tight I can get resentful of what I call “unnecessary groceries”.
She has a career. She’s a real estate agent, makes her own hours and is at the house 80% of the time. Not to make light of the situation, but the girls pretty much take care of themselves. As in they aren’t toddlers needing constant supervision and diapers changed. Just an adult in the home to make sure the don’t burn it down is all they need. But the relief and comfort of knowing they are in good hands is beyond comforting when I’m on the other side of the globe.
Now… I have 36 acres with my home, a guesthouse and a lake house nestled in the woods on a 7 acre lake. The property is pretty maintanence free, except for what little lawn I have. The lake house is a 700 sqft building with a giant open room and a bath. There isn’t going to be much cleaning. Running a vacuum and washing linens basically. There’s no traveling involved. She’s here most of the time anyway. If it were across the county and she was having to make constant trips, I might not have flinched at 50/50. But it’s 100 yards from the house and pretty minimal effort.
We aren’t married, so she isn’t comfortable with putting any of her $ into the place. I can’t really blame her. I don’t know if I’d dump $ into a place that may not be mine one day either. That was the biggest problem I had with this and why I honestly came here for advice. I felt like it was easy and free money for her not to be financially contributing in any way. She’s not a deadbeat by any stretch of the imagination and just living here for free. She does me a great service with the kids and they love her. It was just hard to swallow how I would be paying for all of the updating and work to give up 1/2 of the income. With all things considered, I may be wrong. I just don’t have the answers to make myself feel better about it.
And not to leave anything out… in NOT resentful of her furniture. I have a home that is fully furnished. Her furniture doesn’t match the rustic feel of my home and we both agree on that. Her furniture was a selling point of her’s for the 50/50 proposal (“demand” in my eyes because I didn’t like what I was hearing). So now that all of our business is out there, maybe I can get more honest advice. This is why I came to you people and not a Facebook group. Thank God this is anonymous…lol
Okay, the gloves are coming off. You are vastly underestimating how much work is involved in taking care of children and in servicing an Airbnb listing. She is doing a lot for you and you should be incredibly grateful to have someone trustworthy to take care of your children. If I were you, I would give her all of the money from the Airbnb listing.
My honest advice? Print out your last posting, hold it in front of you and read it aloud – to her.
I think everyone backed off the girlfriend when they read the additional info…
@Jughead you mentioned the money you’re saving your girlfriend by letting her put her furniture in your lake house. How about what she’s saving you on childcare?
if shes babysitting shes saving you money; she should get half of the airbnb money, if not more than that. Kids are a lot of work.
Thank you for explaining. I think you guys are going to be ok , I have a good feeling about all of this. Just need a little figuring out:)
Yaaasss 100% agree
Out of curiosity, do you employ a cleaning lady? Who does the shopping and cooking?
I have been in a similar situation. My boyfriend ( now husband) had an 8 year old son when I met him (now 19!!!) and I was 24 years old. At 24 I basically became a mom. I lived with them part time at 25 years old. I worked, he was finishing a master’s and moonlighting as a paramedic. We had a conversation about who paid for what. I bought groceries, he paid rent and utilities. You NEED that conversation.
You also need to realize that running an Airbnb is a lot of work. She’s in real estate which may give her a leg up on handling people, but there is still a lot of sweat equity that goes into it. You can’t just vacuum the floors and wash sheets. And don’t look at it as “giving up half” the income from the rental, because without her it would be 0. You’re actually getting half.
Right now, I run 2 Airbnb’s in our home. They are my responsibility and I ask my husband for help every once in a while. I also write for a magazine, manage our farm, and am working as an operations manager for a start up company. Sometime I have to lean on him a little more and he’s happy to help. But we had this conversation when we started and continue to have a dialogue about the Airbnb. YOU NEED that conversation.
You’re right, you can’t put a price on loving and accepting your children. And BTW your kids are pre-teens LORD HELP YOU, they do not parent themselves. Trust me from someone who has been through those years and somehow lived to tell the tale. IMHO, you should employ your children to help run the Airbnb because it would be a great learning experience for them and a way for them to earn some $$$.
I think you both need a psychologist/psychiatrist to help you both navigate what appears to be a very complex multi-layered relationship. The Airbnb income is just gravy; put it in a college fund, vacation fund, rainy day fund, hot air balloon ride fund, but daddy i want the goose that lays the golden egg fund.
I do not employ a cleaning lady. However, I do 1/2 the shopping and nearly all the cooking. We all prefer it that way. I’m kind of a badass in the kitchen…lol
You know what they say about opinions…but here’s mine anyway. I think it is really commendable that you are reaching out for guidance on this, and you obviously want to do what is in the best interest of all involved. Hopefully, you came here truly looking for a variety of opinions to better inform your (what should be a joint) decision, and not merely ones that support your own.
It is great you are building a relationship with your partner, and it sounds like you see a future together. You are role-modeling for your daughters both as a parent and as they now enter prime opposite-parent, future-partner molding time. They watch everything and miss nothing–no pressure…
With that said, you are seriously downplaying at least two things–the amount of work pre-teen girls require (I promise they act differently when you aren’t there), and the amount of work required to host and clean a small studio. I have a studio a bit smaller than yours (600 sq ft), and I have had a pre-teen daughter with a partner-parent situation. Oh, and I also traveled internationally for business–sometimes for three weeks at a time. I traveled only once or twice a quarter, but it was a lot for our little family, and it took a toll on everyone.
As for my studio, it takes a minimum of 2.5-3 hours to turn over–often times it takes four hours. That doesn’t include all of the “side work” involved in day-to-day hosting. This isn’t a “Well, she’s there anyway, so what’s the big deal?” type of thing. The cleaning fairy doesn’t come in after the guests, vacuum, and “ta-da”, everything is squeaky clean. FYI–Bathrooms are GROSS in general, no matter how lovely your guests are. Hosting is a lot of work, and it is a business. You want your partner to have motivation and feel supported to make her hosting challenge a success.
As for my soon-to-be teenager (my daughter was 10 at the time), she would pull stuff with my partner that she wouldn’t dream of pulling with me. I thought he exaggerated…he didn’t. Kids test. Kids get older. They become more clever, more skilled, more crafty. They test more. Yes, even my angel…and both of yours. You want your partner to always feel you have her back–100%–no wavering. You want her to have motivation and feel supported to make her parenting challenge a success.
I would be soooooo thankful (as I am sure you are) that I could count on my partner to take my kids off of my worry plate while I travel for business. It sounds as though she’s also taking care of the household chores. Does she cook and run the kids to their events while you are away? Does she help with homework and run interference with the school and parents of friends/activities?
Here’s what I would do. If some form of studio income (LTR or STR) isn’t critical to your household income, I would let her have at the Airbnb biz 100%, perhaps for a trial period of six months. Make a date to re-evaluate how you are both feeling I predict her spirits will lift; she will feel more invested in the property, the household, and more satisfied in general. If some studio income is needed to make the base household run, work out an equitable rent she can pay you, or do the 50/50 thing.
In my household, the money for the rental is designated for household improvements and fun things–eating out, entertainment, trips, etc… I did not want to be dependent on the carriage house income for day-to-day bills. We live in a much smaller house to make that work, but I can take time off if I get burnt out (and you do), etc… Maybe you could do this at some point together. Use it to work towards family vacations, school trips, band camp, a honeymoon…
I may have missed it, and I apologize if I did. You mentioned she is a realtor. Does she contribute to the household income currently? Do you have your girls full-time, and if so, does their mom help out? Finances with loved ones is a real sticky subject, but you must learn how to broach it with your partner now if you hope to have smooth sailing in the future. If discussions between the two of you are still leaving questions or resentments, seek out the assistance of a coach or therapist. It could just be a one or two visit type of deal. Don’t let things fester between the two of you. Healthy people seek help. Best of luck to you and yours!
Well I must have been an angel at 11 and 12 because my parents did not have their hands full with me. My sibling and I were assigned with chores of scrubbing the bathroom, doing the family laundry, mowing the lawn, washing dishes after dinner. They did not help me with my homework. So yeah…I can see the OP’s point. Kids that age can be very self sufficient in general.
I would not combine cleaning and profit together. Figure out a rough estimate of what it would cost for you to hire a housekeeper. Look at similar listings. How many cleaning turnovers will there likely be a month? Do you plan on having almost all 1 night stays? Do you expect only 4 turnovers? You can’t really just throw out a number like 50% without knowing if the place will be cleaned 20 times a month or 4 times a month.
I would pay her for cleaning (each time) and give her 20% of the rental rate she brings in, minus 3% for Airbnb fees or if she books directly - credit cards fees apportioned to her. Then figure out if she will be doing the shopping for supplies, etc. or is this something you can just do one time in bulk. Or you will be responsible for picking up anything on the “list” that she says is running low. If she is going to be handling that and mowing the lawn, etc. then either figure out an hourly rate or increase to 25% or so.
I wouldn’t mix furniture in a dating relationship. Either purchase it from her or she will need to store it. If it gets damaged then it will be up to you to replace. She could always buy it back from you if she really wanted and you could replace with your own.
BTW - I know earlier you said thank goodness this is anonymous. Yes, it is. But it is a public forum that anyone can search. So you may want to consider asking one of the mods to delete the thread once you are finished. Your girlfriend may stumble across it if she is also asking for online opinions.
She’s aware of the post and is reading all of this.
She currently does not contribute financially. It was discussed that she may pick up some utilities once she lets her lease go. Until then, it’s on me.
As far as the income, she’s looking for her portion as supplemental income. My portion would be used to put back into the property for more updates and amenities. I need to speak to an atty to find out about my liabilities, but like I said, I have a 7 acre lake. This place is very secluded and you forget where you are. You feel as is you are at a private resort here. I’d like my guest to be able to swim, fish, kayak, utilize the floating gazebo, grill, sit around the fire pit… if they have kids that wanted to “camp”, I have an area they could pitch tent on a lookout point that you can see as far as your eyes allow. This has potential to be very busy with tons of perks. I’d supply the kayaks and tents. There are bait shops not far from here. I really don’t know about the liability. There won’t be a lifeguard to supervise water activities. I try to keep the population thinned, but there are snakes in the woods. I have more than a mile of trails carved throughout the property. Even with the suspected popularity of the air rental, the lake house still needs a lot of updating that I can’t fund at the moment and will likely start at a lower price than my ultimate goal.
With the increase in income that will ensue at my cost, she’ll benefit from that increase without having put back into it. That was another hiccup for me. But again, I don’t blame her for not wanting to put money into something that isn’t her’s yet. I want to be absolutely fair to the both of us and I’m beyond confused with all that factors in.
All the extra info does not change my opinion.
You should keep the STR thing completely separate from your private life.
Make a contract, get a reasonable rent to cover your investment, and let her have 100%.
If she does well, she can make a lot of money. But you are right that you want your investment returned.
This is as fair as you can get.