This week I'm a guest; a confessional

Dear host,

I’m sorry I moved the antique magazine rack. My toddler was trying to absail on it.

I’m sorry we moved the big chairs around. They were facing each other, and my teen wanted to watch television after a long day dealing with his younger brothers.

I’m sorry I moved all the electronics on top of the mantle and took the batteries out of the phone. The toddler likes pushing buttons. The phone ones especially.

I’m sorry there’s a new brown stain on the brown sofa. It’s chocolate. (I’ll try to get it out, but…)

I’m pretty sure the bedside lamp, garbage can, and back door latch were broken before we got here. I’ll try to fix the lamp, it might just be a burned out bulb.

And I’m so sorry about the sand. Everywhere.

I’ve set up a rinsing station in the front yard and the bigger boys are pretty good about showering thoroughly, but there is still sand everywhere. Especially in the kitchen sink.

Everyone is really happy, we found new jingle shells for my collection, and i love the cordless blinds you have installed since last we visited and i want to get some for my place the next time we upgrade. Where did you find them?

Cousin Alia
(If I remind her we’re family, she’s less likely to ban me, right?)


Thank goodness you included that the host is your cousin (whew!). My poor blood pressure was building…but it’s all good now.

You’re too funny!


Just think, we have 4.5 more days of creative destruction here!



Enjoy your getaway! I hope you can get that chocolate out.


I hope you enjoy your holiday but… this is exactly why I won’t host kids! :joy:

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We just dealt with chocolate on our couch, I about lost my mind when I read this :joy::joy::joy::joy:


This is why we pay full price (technically family is supposed to be able to stay for free, thanks to my great aunt’s Will).

We also tip 20-25%.

And i spend a lot if time apologizing. :smiley:



Updates: got the chocolate off the chocolate colored couch…

Also got the baking dish clean (I burned the roast last night… my cousin Jon was catching me up on all the Lane gossip)

At least I can confirm the smoke alarm is in good working order!..And dinner was only slightly cajun, so the kids didn’t notice a thing.

(I don’t burn dinner, it’s just occasionally Cajun)


You leave a tip?! You can come stay at my place!


I feel like I’m living the Worst Guest Ever episode, only I’m the guest.

The big boys were gone all day at an amusement park with cousins, so 9 yr old asks me to tuck him in. Since who knows how long he’ll still ask/ allow tucks, I climb the super steep staircase into the sleeping loft… and smell something burning.

The child had put a blanket over the lamp for a night light… and then left it on all night & day.

When he saw the burnt/ melted patch on the bulb and blanket, he burst into tears.

If anyone is playing bad guest bingo, can you tell me what squares we haven’t hit so I know what to expect between now and Saturday morning? (My husband did the “turn air conditioner on without making sure the windows are shut” our first night, so that’s another one you can check off the list)

… going to go message my cousin and ask if she wants cash or should we replace the blanket ourselves. Sigh.


Oh, you poor thing! So far, none of the mishaps have been of your doing and you’ve been the one to “put out the fires” so to speak.

Rather than have confessed to your cousin about the blanket and how it came to be, I would have just purchased a new one that was comparable and told my cousin the other suffered from an accident (rather than mention it was burned…eek!).

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have you or yours blocked the toilet yet?

I am trying to remember what my brother did to houses, and drawing a blank. And yet, I recall that he found ways to create unexpected results easily.


a bit isolated here - no car - otherwise I would replace it.

@Debthecat, I suspected the next crisis would involve water, but I guessed flooding.

Will keep you posted

It’s easy to make all the “guest mistakes” isn’t it? :smile: Made a few of those myself lately. :blush::blush::fearful:


Well and you can tell her… btw - batteries are working great on the smoke detector.

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This is hilarious, when you publish the book “my life as a bad bad guest” I want a signed copy! :kissing_heart:


Being a bad guest actually sounds like a lot of work! Who would’ve thought?
After a long day, just wipe your makeup off on the hand towel, and eat a few cookies in bed.
So relaxing.


Drat, I left my makeup at home.

But the toddler left a small orange mark on the sheets and i have literally no idea what it is. So there’s that.

We just started our second roll of toilet paper. As long as no one eats bad fish, o think we can keep our tp use to normal levels.

Paper towels, now… that’s another story.

(I blame the toddler. And dairy products)

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But, this is a parody, is it not?