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Things I Never Thought I Would Have To Put in Print That Guests Have Done


Please do not try to light the LED candles - use the handy switch on the bottom to turn them on.

No glitter. I never in my wildest imaginings ever thought as an adult I’d need a rule like that, but there it is.

And one that seems like common sense but isn’t - please turn on the hood fan when cooking/frying. I have a nest smoke alarm, and you would not believe the number of times I’ve been notified that “there is smoke in the flat!”. One guest set it off three times - even after being told to use the vent. Sigh…


Not in print, but in my mind:

Please do not take a picture of yourself barely wrapped in one of my towels prancing in front of the full length mirror and code it to our home address on Google maps. We run two professional businesses at this address and now we have pictures of prancing, almost naked women affiliated with our businesses.


This only happened once so we chose to not make it a rule but did joke about it for days.

Please do not dispose of dead batteries in the garbage disposal. They will never properly wash down the sink.

I still scratch my head over this one. We have found all sorts of things in the disposal but 2 aa batteries tops the list.


E-gads!! Can you not delete or erase it…or perhaps override it with pictures of naked men? …oh, sorry, I got carried away with visions of prancing and all.


Sounds like a malicious act to me.


No spray tanning booths permitted on property ( after a wedding )
No spray tan or hair dye in the marble bathroom!!!


Please do not boil your eggs in the kettle, it makes a big surprise for me when I am making my coffee in the morning.
Please do not sit on my pigskin dining chairs in your dripping wet swimming costume.
Please do not iron your clothes directly on my palm wood dining table, or leave a hot iron on the new bedroom carpet. We have an ironing board available for everybody 24/7
Please don’t ever ask me where your lost sock is : I have a lost sock request form for this which includes drawing a picture of your sock, value & full description of missing sock & reasons for losing responsibility for your own sock.
This form can take up to 28 days to process.
Please don’t wash your dark clothes in bleach, we have plenty of laundry liquid at hand for a better result.
Please don’t play frisbee with our pool vacuum, as this can turn out to be be very expensive fun for you.
Please don’t pour all freshly boiled water down the sink in front of 4 people waiting behind you for their tea / coffee / noodles because your parents told you all boiled water is dirty,
and that one was without the eggs in it !
Please do not eat your eggs out of your hand on the stairs.
If you are a big tough guy, please don’t beat spiders to death in the bedroom corridor after midnight. You will find there is an aerosol can for arachnid disposal in your room which is far less messy.
Lastly, I will add on behalf of my husband :
No naked, or half naked men at the indoor dinner table, put on a T shirt, or even half a T shirt !
Please don’t put your feet up on our food chopping / preparation area.
Please don’t build a blanket fort, and push all your furniture up against the bedroom door because you believe that the square digital tv aerial is a spy camera.
Please don’t sneak your crazy girlfriend in for a loud screaming S & M session after 9pm, or anytime really.
Please do not attempt to help yourself to cash from your host’s purse, on the pretext of wanting to know which perfume she is wearing, it’s easier to just ask her & far less life threatening.

please note : Most of our AirBnb guests have been wonderful, and I have many of these stories from our home stay guests from different platforms / agencies


I have often come home to find my entire house re arranged. I have no idea why they do it. They push everything to the walls.

I have in my rules now

Please do not use my 700gsm bamboo towels to remove make up or clean up spills or babies. I provide beach towels, so there is no reason to take these bath towels to the beach

Please do not leave used nappies/diapers in the waste paper baskets or bedside drawers. You are welcome to use the wheelie bin outside.

_Please turn the thermostat down when you leave. (Guests regularly leave it at 30 degrees)

Please do not spoke anywhere on the property, that includes the rear patio and front steps.

Please do not allow your wet/dirty dog upstairs on the carpet or beds. I provide doggy towels and a tap on the rear patio to wash off dirty dogs/boots etc

Te sink disposal unit is for food scraps ONLY. If you put anything else down it you will damage it and will have to replace it. (I have replaced 1 time so far)


Oh my… I do believe we have a winner here folks!


Your place must be fun :yum::speak_no_evil::see_no_evil:.


Please refrain from washing your noodles in the bidet.
See youtube for full bidet instructions.


I thought a bidet WAS for washing men’s noodles!


(Oh you panderer, you! You know I like comments like that.) … :smile:


You don’t let your guests talk?

Baffled, totally baffled.


I suspect “spoke” is “smoke” and “noodles” are “poodles”!


I have this one posted too.


That baffles me almost as much. :slight_smile:


Noodles equals doodles :joy:


The bidet is probably a nice size for a small poodle…


This sort of baffles me even more than noodles. Wouldn’t it be more convenient to wash the poodles in the sink (or tub/shower)? Of course the same can be said for noodles… Hard to decide which one is more baffling, really.


GPlease close the front door when leaving.
Please do not drape wet laundry on the wooden furniture.
Please do not take the cutlery
My son is sick. Please do not have meetings in German at midnight outside his door.
We would appreciate the occasional use of our open plan kitchen. Please consider others.
Please do not cook or chop vegetables on the expensive book case.
Please do not take cutlery to work
Please leave door open to the kitty litter tray. The cat can’t reach the door knob.

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