Since there was another topic on the difficulties of saying NO, I’ll add my (not so 
) funny story on the subject. Sorry it’s a typically-me-long-one 
.
Foreword
First of all you should all know that my other half and family-in-law are Latin-American. Their set of values is slightly different than my western European ones. One of the problems is, that they think that everything that’s yours is also theirs. And even if you try to set some boundaries and make agreements, they tend to be totally 
clueless in respecting them. Another Latin-American problem is the inability to communicate well about plans 
.
Also I’m creative, but not always very flexible in my thinking ( 
guilty!), because I’m usually right about things 
. LOL. Some friends even call me their “autistic friend” for being a bit sturdy. I totally agree with them .
What happened…
My sister-in-law was very lucky a few months ago to be able to start her studies/training to become a medical specialist in another South American capital. She got the help of the chief surgeon (#1) to obtain one of the openings, and in the weeks after starting she befriended two other surgeons (#2, #3). She’s also living with an old friend of her who’s also surgeon (#4).
So when all surgeons had to travel to Lima to attend a congress, my dear sister-in-law first asked if surgeon #1 and his wife could stay for 5 nights FOR FREE 
in our best and most expensive room. We were in the last week of finishing touches and I didn’t want any guests yet. I also didn’t want anyone staying for free because they did my sister-in-law a favor . It’s my apartment and I will do favors to those who do me favors 
, not to people I don’t know.
So I said NO… but after much discussion with my hubby I gave in and we accepted for family’s sake 
. I did say that it would be a total ONE off.
Then my sister in law asked if surgeon #2 could stay with his wife, 4yo son and sister-in-law . We don’t accept children , because our apartment isn’t suited for children (safety and finishes). They also wanted to cook a few things . We don’t allow cooking, and don’t even have a cooktop since it got stolen last year (legal process taking its course).
So I said NO, it didn’t feel good, but after talking to my hubby we decided that it was good money 
so we accepted. They were going to occupy two rooms (out of the 3 we rent out). We made it clear to my sister-in-law that they wouldn’t be allowed to cook and that they would have to keep an eye on their son. She said OK to that 
.
Then my sister in law asked if surgeon #3 could stay. He’s single… YEAH 
! But we didn’t have any rooms left 
, except for the first night. We said ok for the first night, but please have him confirm. Everything happened outside of AirBnB by the way.
Then my sister in law asked if surgeon #4 could stay for free. Clueless as she is , she hadn’t noticed that all our beds were very definitely already occupied. But on Sunday we again had an opening so she asked if #4 could stay for 1 night. We don’t accept one nights and again certainly not for free. I said NO, but my sister in law said she was going to pay for the night somewhere in the future , so I gave in.
Then the following things happened…
SURGEON #1 and his wife, who were supposed to stay 5 nights, arrived right on time, but with 2 people extra 
: His son and the son’s girlfriend. The parents had decided to stay with family here in Lima, but the youngsters were staying. Ok, no problem 
. The parents did look very regretful when they saw the beautiful room they were missing out on 
.
The next morning, the youngsters, who were fine guests by the way, all of a sudden were all packed up and ready to leave . They were going to visit an uncle in the north. It wasn’t clear if and when they would return, and also it wasn’t clear if the parents were returning to our apartment, which is way closer to the congress hall. We needed to know this for Surgeon #3 to stay more nights, so we tried contacting Surgeon #1 several times on Monday 
, and then on Tuesday 
, and then once on Wednesday ,… Take into account the importance of Surgeon #1 to my sister in law… On Thursday we decided to stop calling , and on Friday 
we decided that that man can never ever ever ever (!) stay in our apartment. Every day we were thinking he would show up, and my sister in law kept telling us that he was coming to stay. But he never showed up again and didn’t even give us any notice 
. NOOOOOO, never again!
SURGEON #3 was supposed to arrive on Monday for one night, but we never got any confirmation. So we were waiting , and waiting 
, and waiting 
, and at midnight we decided that since we didn’t have any confirmation that he wasn’t going to show up.
On Tuesday morning we got the news that he had been ringing our bell at 1am. Mmmh, impossible! I wake up from our bell . Correction: He had been ringing other bells 
, and in the end had decided to stay in the hotel next door 
. But being a friend of my SIL, he called to visit us to check our place out. He liked it and asked if he could stay. We had no notice about #1 so couldn’t give him that room, but he called surgeon #2 and they decided to share one room. The wife, 4yo son and SIL of #2 would sleep together in another room. We don’t actually allow 3 people in one room , but I was already so knocked out by all that was written before , that I decided to give in… again.
Surgeon #3 was very nice during his whole stay and will be allowed to come back.
SURGEON #2 arrived with the right number of people and on time. The 4yo straight away showed himself as being very… mmmh… energetic 
. When I told his mom to be careful with one of our windows that is easily climbable, she answered: “Thanks for warning, I’ll keep an eye out, because he tends to be very NAUGHTY.” Needless to say, that my stress levels rose to unknown heights: I saw the kid, I saw all the new, beautiful things, the lovely white walls,… and nearly got a depression 
.
The parents generally didn’t care about their son, but the SIL tried, TRIED, to keep the kid in line. (Is it normal to put a 4yo in bed each day at midnight – 1am?)
On Wednesday the kid was walking around with stones, ready to throw them around . I took them off him.
On Thursday his mom asked if she could cook him something because he’s a difficult eater. She had brought her own small electrical stove and a pot. Oh hell!
On Friday the kid was ready to stick one of his toys into an electrical socket: I YELLED, maybe I shouldn’t have ! That same day, I had to enter their room to get something: Pencil, pen and shoe marks all over our freshly painted walls. The bed linen was full of makeup from the two ladies. Towels later also showed makeup marks .
On Saturday the kid was ready to get his dirty little hands on our curtains .
On Sunday the surgeon paid us after haggling down on the price with my hubby: They were “short on money” … but that same day did go to the most luxurious shopping mall in Lima and came back with tons of designer clothes and shoes. They also paid with very old dollar notes that later proved VERY difficult to get them exchanged.
On Monday the kid drew on our living room wall 
. Is it so difficult to keep a kid away from pens, pencils, … ? Or supervise him to only draw on paper.
On Tuesday I was VERY HAPPY to see them leave. “Are you planning to come back next year?” – NOOOOOOOOO, I don’t think so!
SURGEON #4 was announced to arrive on Thursday. Then on Friday. As a good friend of my SIL she would have slept with my mother in law. She didn’t arrive. Then she was announced to arrive on Saturday, then on Sunday, then on Monday, Tuesday… On Wednesday my MIL went to the airport to have her take a package for my SIL.
Saying you will show up and not showing up 
? NOOOOOO, never again.
We did learn a whole lot of things 
. First of all to no longer accept anyone my sister in law sends over.
If anyone has any advice on how to handle family in law, please do share. They sometimes drive me totally mad.
In two weeks the same sister in law and her husband want to stay over. I haven’t blocked the calendar and I am really really hoping to get it filled up by that time with regular guests. I’m even thinking of just paying another BnB to have her stay in another place, all for reasons that would take me another novel to explain.
Ah, the joys of intercultural relationships . But I do love him 
.
This was of course not just family, but also their friends, neighbours, everyone… And my mom never said anything!
that with a certain action he was always bound to hit his head.
.
business.
. Omg, the stories I could tell.