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We had something very similar, but ours gave a 4 for overall experience, which was a bummer:
“Maybe warn people that the driveway is narrow”
It’s meant for one car or truck and then opens up to a very large, several car parking area.
Is it just me, or can you hear the attitude?
Maybe warn people that if they can’t manuever their vehicle down a normal single car driveway they shouldn’t get behind the wheel of a car 
" We arrived early, and the hosts were still eating lunch". Two hours early.
“The country roads were too narrow”. Same person, an absolute cow!
My Victorian red brick duplex, built 1875…
it’s too old!
My only 3* came from a guest who was mad at her husband for booking an Airbnb and not a hotel room. When I asked her about it, on the message thread, she told me to suck it up, that I had enough 5* reviews that it wouldn’t hurt me. Knocked me so far down in the listings it took a couple of months to get back up there.
I’m so very lucky in that I’ve never had a negative review (either that or I’ve deleted it from my brain cells successfully) but I have had some weird comments in private feedback.
“It would have been good if there had been a coffee machine”. There is. It’s pointed out during the house tour. It’s shown on every photo of the listing’s kitchen.
“There were roadworks on the road to the beach” Mea bloody culpa, indeed.
Then a couple of good in-person ones like the lady who (rather snottily) asked me to show her how to turn the light off the microwave. It had been on all night. Now admittedly English wasn’t her first language but the button to switch it off had a light bulb symbol on it.
And my favourite - the guest who texted me from the beach to tell me that the ocean wasn’t blue enough. True.
Me neither. Had the odd red unsmiley face comment on BDC, but they’re usually counter balanced by decent green smiley faced comments. Never had, in four years of business, what folks might describe as “negative” review.
Is it luck? Is it feck.
JF
Oddly enough, I’ve covered the router light(s) for that very reason. We sleep otherwise in pitch black conditions here.
I got a 4 star a few weeks ago but individual categories were good and the wording of the review was positive so I messaged them about the discrepancy. He responded “The stove was too hot and I burned my hand.”
Say what?!? Some people are just f’n weird!
My favorites include irrationally low stars for:
“Pillows in the back of the closet had some stains on them”
(These are extra pillows…in the back of a linen closet…that someone definitely had to look for. Normal wear-and-tear stains)
“I feel like there should be a TV”
(We don’t advertise a TV as an amenity???)
I appreciate how annoying that review was but I suggest removing all items with stains. I do and use them in my part of the house. If I had a good pillow with stains it would definitely have a spotless zippered pillow cover on it. So if they saw the stain they would have to dig it out of the back of the closet, pull it out and remove the cover to see them.
“The pillows were too big.”
I put one firmer pillow and one softer pillow on the bed, and of course they can always ransack the other two pillows out of the shams.
Anyway, I’ve since put an alternative flat hard old pillow in the closet.
Well, the alternative to soft or firm isn’t flat and hard. A pillow can be not thick and still be soft and not flat.
I find almost all pillows in hotels to be far too thick for my liking and if I ever booked an Airbnb, which I haven’t yet, I’d probably find the same.
Clarification, the complaint was actually too big and fluffy! I also had a guest who asked if I had a very small pillow for their neck. Fortunately, I was able to dig up a tiny baby pillow once used by my now adult kids.
No, I got that. Too big and fluffy. I find most pillows to be exactly that. What I was saying is that the alternative isn’t hard and flat. You can get pillows which are nicely soft but not all big and puffy.
I always travel with my own pillow, because I find most people don’t provide pillows I like.
Good point, and that’s actually exactly what we have on all of the pillows - so the guest did exactly as you described!
She apparently burrowed through the linen closet, found extra pillows, unzipped their covers, took out the pillows, and inspected them. These guests didn’t use these pillows on the beds, FYI. I didn’t mention all of that for brevity and to be on topic, but it’s worth mentioning for other hosts.
I don’t really know what ‘normal wear and tear stains’ are on a pillow but I wouldn’t like to sleep on a stained pillow. Maybe I just have a too vivid imagination…
I had a review once that was positively glowing until it mentioned me and said I was ‘contentious’. I thought that was definitely a typo. 
What a xxxxx. I would not want to host her. Thank goodness for AirReview extension.
Even though that woman is horrible, I still would never knowingly have a stained item in the Airbnb room. If the mattress ever gets a stain I can’t get out I’ll have to switch it with the mattress in my room.
You’d think people would have better things to do with their time.