Last week a guest turned up at my door and to be frank, he reeked. I offered him the shower, showed him the body wash and towels, but he didn’t get the message and instead went to the loo in the laundry and left droplets of urine all round the toilet. He also took his shoes off outside and was walking around on the balcony, where my cat sometimes chunders, and certainly where it isn’t always clean, and then he came inside towards his carpeted room.
I got pretty stressed - I want to sell the house early next year - and he noticed.
He opened a bottle of wine and was doing well drinking it when, an hour later, I went out to run an errand and was back an hour after that.
He wasn’t in the house, his light was on and the ceramic toilet lid was broken all over the floor! When I called him, he mustn’t have recognised the number, because he answered then got off the phone pretty quickly saying “I’ll talk to you late…” Now I am sure he is going to leave me a bad review…
What should I say about him without making it nasty and petty but to defend myself.
Your post is quite confusing. You came back and he wasn’t there but your smashed toilet seat was and you are worried about him leaving you a bad review??? Where is he? Why are you worried about what he says about you, his behaviour is outrageous?
Re the balcony. Totally your fault, don’t have a filthy balcony where a cat vomits available to guests and then get stressed when they walk on it and come back inside. Keep it all clean or not available to guests.
Re the toilet seat, take photos and contact ABB immediately. Send the guests a written message immediately advising them you are very concerned to have arrived home to the damage to the toilet seat, rendering it completely useless as a toilet and that it will need to be repaired immediately. Hopefully he responds and accepts responsibility. The fact he reeks, starting boozing up immediately and then broke your stuff and did not contact you straight away says he’s trouble, ask ABB to cancel his booking immediately on this basis.
I’m also slightly confused about the OP.
I agree that you should take photos of the damage, and message him on AirBNB about it to ask if he’s OK and what happened. I would be worried about his well-being because that’s not normal behaviour (e.g. toilet, phone call).
I agree with Emily that the balcony issue is your issue. Many people are raised not to wear shoes in the house, and many (including myself) go barefoot around the house and grounds.
With regard to the review, always be factual. “Guest was polite and made himself at home. There were some communication issues that unfortunately means I would not welcome X back. I wish X the best in his future travels.”
cunders=vomit? One learns something new every day.
Please be more clear in the review
"X was not a good fit for my home. His hygiene habits are very different from mine and it was uncomfortable being around him. While this may not deter other hosts, he would not be welcome back in my home.
But I do agree re: the balcony. Instead of being horrified about your carpets I would be concerned about my guests. “Oh, I’m so sorry, but it’s not safe to walk out there without shoes. Let me grab yours for you”.
Is that the end of the story? Did the guest ever return?
What exactly are you wanting to defend yourself from? Guest making up false lies? Or are you concerned about him mentioning the balcony? Does it even look dirty? I don’t walk around barefoot but I don’t know if I would know what cat puke looks like on a balcony…does it not get washed off with any rain?
If I had even one guest like this I would resign from Airbnb. Just sayin…
You must be new! 
Or very lucky!
Another confused reader here. But on the subject of smelly guests, I have never worked out what to do about it. There is simply no way I can think of to say politely to someone “you stink, please wash”. I’ve only had a few guests who were a bit whiffy. I just washed everything twice after they left and aired the room for twice as long. Funnily enough, my latest guest has been here for two nights and has only now messaged me to say he can’t work out how to use the shower. I actually gave him a demonstration when he arrived but he’s a bit ditsy. And a bit smelly by now, as I discovered when I knocked on his door. Oh well, I have a couple of guest-free days to get rid of the pong (that’s another word for your collection, @dcmooney 
).
This seems like one of those OP that merits more explanation before giving an opinion. Because it is confusing. Why would he be mad?
Yup, and actually there are several disjointed sentences and thoughts in that post. My rule of thumb is, read it twice and if I still can’t make heads or tails out of what a poster trying to convey, abandon it. This one had me scratching the top of my head like Stan Laurel (Laurel & Hardy).
BTW, I believe the smelly guy broke the tank lid (porcelain part), not the seat. He probably leaned on it while in a stupor, it fell off and broke which put him off balance and thus the pee spray on the floor around the toilet.
Hey, it’s plausible!
As in: “I got pretty stressed - I want to sell the house early next year - and he noticed”? 
Addendum: Makes sense Sandy.
Can’t keep track of your edits there @Mearns!
I read that, three times, and decided that she is stressed and he noticed, and that she is stressed because she will sell the home soon. Not sure why a smelly person has anything to do with a future sale. Baffling!
obliged! 20 20 20 20
Hi. You do sound confused. The balcony isn’t filthy normally, but dirt does blow up from the street and sometimes, occasionally, if I am not there to clean it, the cat might leave a present in the form of a furball. Thing I mean is that if you bother to take shoes off so as not to take dirt into the house, it is easy to work out that socks worn outdoors pick up dirt as well if not better than shoes.
I did send photos to AirBnB. And he ended up paying for the damaged seat, delivery and a handyman, but I don’t know how to state, kindly but clearly, that he was an awful guest.
Thanks for your response.
Thanks. I have been lucky, Chris. And yes, I have resigned from AirBnB.
I worked in PR so I do know how to write. Tell me why your mean response was really necessary…do you enjoy sitting at your computer criticising others online. Does it make you feel important? Would you like it, if, when you asked for help, while possibly in a bit of a tizz, all people did was point out the flaws in your post? Oh I get it. You’re trying to be entertaining.
Thanks for your response. And enjoy your life.
I had him removed. That’s why I am afraid of the poor review. It’s all good. Thanks everyone for your critique of my post. I was just looking for help. Move on.
He was dirty. He left pee around the toilet. He walked dirt and stuff into the carpet. I didn’t trust him in my house, which I have to sell soon. It’s fine. Thank you.
Chunders. With an h. Glad I could add to your vocabulary…