#truth 
I am now just trying to figure out how to approach her in a āniceā way to stop using my kitchen and going into my cabinets and drawers, without compromising her leaving me a bad review. She is only on her 2nd. day of her reservation and still has 5 more days to be here. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Does your listing say that use of your kitchen is excluded? If so, that makes the conversation easier.
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Iām a fan of honesty. Iād probably say something like āIām embarrassed to admit this but I should have dealt with this when you first arrived. It just caught me off guard that you arrived with groceries as I donāt allow cooking at my listing,ā then proceed from there. Or the āI need your helpā approach. āI need your help. I normally donāt allow cooking here. It really bothers me and I feel that I sent the wrong message when you arrived. Itās clear in the listingā¦blah de blah ā¦so you will have to stop using the kitchen.ā Kind face, smile and make direct eye contact. Donāt say āsorryā but donāt be accusatory either.
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Thank you so much. Still very hard to do as you just donāt know how theyāre going to take it, and I hate for them to retaliate with a poor review but I also know the risks of Hosting and like you said, I should have nipped it in the butt as soon as I saw all of the groceries. Thanks for the feedback
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I just changed the listing adding more detail, but when she booked, it was clear that kitchen was ālimited,ā (breakfast bar and one shelf in refrigerator) and the only thing checked off in the amenities was a microwave and refrigerator. I did not check off pots, pans, etc. and I double checked that there was no error there.
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The guests donāt read conundrum.
Do you make it clear on the walk through?
Here is your shelf in the fridge.
Here is the microwave.
You will remember from the listing when you booked that these are your only cooking facilities.
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The first time it is because she is either ignoring them because she feels entitled or she did not read them (even though she checked that she did when she booked).
The second time if you had corrected her the first time, it is because she feels entitled. If you didnāt correct her, as it seems since you went ahead and provided her with a pot to cook in the kitchen she is not supposed to be cooking in, you essentially changed the rules for her and now she has been reinforced that she is entitled.
Yet another case to support hosts enforcing their own stated rules that guests have agreed to or invite more being walked onā¦
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@soflohost I know not all guests are alike in how they take things, but I had a guest who told me that she had received a review where the host left negative comments about the guestās use of the kitchen, even though the host had stated in her listing that guests had full use of the kitchen. This guests did cook a lot- she made healthy, hearty meals with about 25 ingredients twice a day when she was staying with me. But she always cleaned up after herself and was a charming guest.
Regarding that review she had received, she said she was shocked, since the host had kitchen usage allowed on her listing. She said something to the effect of āI donāt get it- if she wanted us only to cook between certain hours, why didnāt she just come right out and say that to us when we were there- we would have totally complied. Instead, she just let it fester and slammed us in the review. Hosts and guests shouldnāt be afraid to talk to each other about something thatās bothering themā.
I totally concur with her view. Itās crazy for hosts to walk on eggshells, wondering how to talk to a guest, or be fearful to say anything for fear of a bad review. If hosts are going to home-share, they have to learn how to say whatās on their mind. Itās not that hard- just be up-front and polite and stop being so concerned about reviews. Pretend itās a cousin who came to visit. Most guests are fine with having something pointed out to them that is bothering the host as long as itās just done in a nice, straightforward way. the longer you let it bug you, the harder it is to approach it.
That guest who cooked a lot, and cleaned up after herself- she was actually a piss-poor dishwasher, so I said one day- āHey girl, you need a course in Dishwashing 101ā and pointed out all the food and grease still stuck to the dishes she had washed. She said, Oh, Iām so sorry, and paid better attention after that. Lightness and humor can go a long way. She left a 5 * glowing review.
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Thank you. I so agree that we as Hosts should not have to feel like weāre walking on eggshells in our own home. I had just mustered up the courage to say something to her about the kitchen being off limits when she came out of her room to ask me if I would mind putting sunblock on her back. Canāt make this stuff up 
I must say, she is a rather sweet young lady so now I feel really awkward after that and donāt know how to approach her about it.
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I love thatādefinitely will use that idea. Thereās only been a few Guests that have shown up with groceries in tow and this was one of them unfortunately. So I felt bad after they had bought all the stuff, but it really shouldnāt be my problem and I have to wonder if this is something that maybe Guests feel a Host will have to comply if they show up with the groceries at check in?
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Sideways approach.
Hi, would you mind reviewing with me the wording of my listing.
I want to make sure that everything is clear in regards to rules etc.
What did you think when you read it?
Is there any way I can improve it?
I want to attract more great guestsā¦
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Thank you for your feedback and I do see your point. I have to muster up the courage to say something for sure, as I wouldnāt want another Host to have this experience based on my reaction. I do want to come from a place of letting her know that for a Host, letting someone share their home with a complete stranger is in itself a huge sacrifice, but then when that stranger doesnāt respect their home and the way they choose to live, it creates conflict. I started being a Host as a way to supplement my income, but I now love being in the hospitality business. I take pride in being the best Host I can be and providing everything that I would want to have if I were the Guest. I try to provide a space that makes Guests feel as if theyāre staying with family
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Love this idea too
She may not have even read your listing and has no idea that she is standing on your toes.
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I think a friendly-but-direct approach is better. What would @soflohost do if the sideways approach resulted in the guest saying āIt all looks fine,ā and then nothing changed?
Then you know it has been read and she is an entitled cow!
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But would you really? Even if the guest appears to read it, how would @soflohost know that she actually had?
Because you make a time to do it together
@soflohost I think itās highly possible that your guest simply didnāt read or understand what was allowed re kitchen usage, and at this point, since youāve already spent a few days worrying about how to approach it, yet still havenāt addressed it, and she only has a few days more that sheās staying, personally, Iād let it go, and chalk it up to a learning experience about making things clear from the outset and not holding your tongue if guests seem unclear about what is included and what is not.
What I would definitely not do is shy away from saying anything during her stay and then mention it in the review- that would seem quite unfair to me.
I do allow full kitchen usage myself, and because I do, Iām actually quite okay with guests rummaging through the cabinets and drawers to find what they need. I give them an orientation tour, but that doesnāt mean they are going to remember exactly what cupboard something is in. Because I home-share, I prefer guests who easily make themselves at home, rather than keep asking me where to find this or that. But Iām aware that not all all hosts are as casual as this.
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I am debating whether I am going to say anything or not. I have changed a sign on the fridge to make things clearer, but this is only her 2nd. day here today and she has only cooked once, the first day she was here, so I donāt think it is too late to address it. I do agree with not leaving a review about it when I didnāt even discuss it directly with her. What I have done in the past with Guests that have violated any House Rules that were not serious enough to address in person is send them a personal message after I review them. I have had good feedback with that. Thank you for your feedback