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I haven’t been on the forum since it was still under the abnb site!
So, here is my story: I had a 2 night guest (male and I am female) who was getting to be a bit exhausting. He texted me multiple times to let me know how his day is going and to ask if I needed anything. He even sent me a text letting me know he would be home soon and then asked me what I was doing. I am a friendly host and like to chat with my guests in passing but I find guests that want to constantly engage with me to be quite exhausting. I assumed that he was just one of THOSE guests. On the last night he asked me if I wanted to go to breakfast with him in the morning (that was this morning). Thinking that I really did not want to spend an hour sitting with him at an Ihop I told him that I am not really a breakfast person but I would go grab coffee with him. After we went to Starbucks he let me know that he was going to take a quick shower and then leave. When we get back to the house he follows me into the kitchen and has a seat at the counter while I straighten up and is clearly looking to keep conversing. After a while I was ready for him to leave so I told him I was going to go outside and smoke and then I would be getting ready for the day. He followed me outside and pulled his chair very close to mine. So close that I found myself sitting crookedly in the chair and leaning away from him because he was uncomfortably close. He then says there is something in my hair and asks to get it out. I said yes but he definitely took longer to get whatever it was out of my hair then it should have taken and it didn’t feel like he was actually getting anything out of my hair. At this point I am starting to feel uncomfortable and am regretting having gone out to coffee with him. I get up to go back inside and he follows but instead of going to take his shower he follows into the kitchen again but this time he is not on the other side of the counter he is literally standing in the kitchen space with me. He says “well I guess this is it…”, and then he just stands there. So I say “yep” and then turn around and start washing dishes. He continues to stand there. Then he says “its always sad to leave…”, I say “I’m sure your next abnb tonight will be great too”, and I keep washing dishes. Then he says “well I guess I’ll go”, and I think: guess he is not taking a shower any more and I tell him “okay, safe travels”. Then he asks for a hug… I wasn’t sure what to do so I turned to give him a quick hug to get him moving along and then he tries to KISS me!
I immediately pulled away and said “nope, nope, nope”. He apologized and then left the kitchen. I just stood there not believing what just happened. Then I hear the shower turn on. He still wanted to shower! At that point I just went in my room and locked the door and turned on my shower so he would think that I was occupied and not try to talk to me. He sent me a text asking if he should lock the door when he left and I just responded “yes”.
I have spent the whole day mulling this over and the more I think about it the more angry and creeped out I am. I wish I would have handled things differently but at the time I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to do.
Has anyone had similar experiences of guests coming on to them? Should I call ABNB to report this?
Yes, PLEASE report this guest to Airbnb. He was harassing you. I know that he kept trying to create plausible deniability, but I’m positive he knew exactly what he was doing. Getting away with making you frightened and feel the need to hide in your own house will only embolden him to do the same or worse to others.
Thanks for the validation Ellen. I was definitely uncomfortable and leaning towards reporting but then I start to wonder if somehow I led him on. As a feminist I know that this is flawed logic and that I am not responsible for other peoples actions and should not take the blame for this.
You did NOTHING wrong. You definitely weren’t “leading him on”. It sounds like it really wasn’t about sex; it was about power. It sounds like he was getting off on scaring you. He needs to learn that he can’t get away with that.
By the way, here’s a new and improved way to look at “leading him on”. I used to have a friend who told me that unlike other men; he really liked “teases”. He said that he appreciated whatever portion of a woman’s sexuality she wished to share with him and that he would never dream to believe that he was “owed” than she freely gave.
I’d hold off on calling Air. Why? I think it would be more productive for you to focus on writing a review, either public or private, that calls him out on his behavior.
I am an old single guy running my one-guest at a time listing, so of course I end up being alone with a stranger like I assume you do, unless you have others living in your house or you take more than one guest.
I’m pretty good at keeping things friendly while maintaining a professional distance, and that’s no guarantee it’s going to keep things civil. Your guest was out of line for sure and he should be told so.
What this guest did is sexual harassment. Airbnb should definitely be called. They should terminate his account not only so that the original poster gets some kind of justice; also so that he doesn’t do the same thing or worse to other hosts.
Now that I think of it, if I imagine myself being female and hosting single male guests in my dark, back house alone … Ugh. I can think of a couple of guests I’ve had that would cause me to lock my bedroom door at night–if there was a lock to lock :))))
We have a guest flirting with my husband now. We rent 2 private rooms in our apartment. She is a solo traveller. He did the check in with her and I was working in my office and I could hear their talk. She asked him if he could go inside her room to help her unpack, he apologize and said no, then she said he is very nice and lovely host, she touched his arm asking him to explain to her 2 art pieces we have in our living room. That’s when he got upset and treated her not so nice. She didn’t know I was in the office and I purposefully didn’t go out because I wanted to see) hear how far she would go. After a few hours I finished my work and went to the living room, fretted her and called my husband out - he was in our bedroom - for dinner . Send stood there shocked and we said our goodbyes byes to her. She then asked where we are going and we said to pick up our child for dinner. She looked at my husband disappointed!!! And she said she would expect him to show her around what to eat. We gave a few suggestions of restaurants and went downstairs. She following us and as I was entered our car in the passenger seat she ran to my husband and begged him to take her to the restaurant. I saw how awkward he felt and he walked a few steps to point to her the restaurant. I then jumped to the driver seat and drove along and I saw her saying she expected him to eat with her. He is a very polite man and turned her down accordingly. His family lived in this neighborhood for long time before so we don’t like to make a scene.
What I am trying to say is you didn’t do anything wrong and these creeps are everywhere. Male or female. And many times we don’t have a clue to pre-analyze what type of people they are. I say don’t trust people. I was surprised. She didn’t seem so in the messages. Don’t feel guilt about it. He deserves to be out of the community.
I’d say this action was more than harassment, it bordered on assault. Come one, grabbing someone and kissing them? Yikes!!! This is why I could never do personal home sharing and applaud those who have the guts and gumption to do it.
The guy is a complete creep. And no, you didn’t do anything to lead this idiot on. I would certainly leave a review letting other hosts you know you would never rent to him again.
I would also find out from Air if this guy can just open another account with a new email address, and any phone number.
@OlyCandice, hi.
Please report this guest to Airbnb immediately.
Also, please know that you did nothing wrong, you could have done everything differently, and this man would have still found a way to act inappropriately.
I’ve been in a situation similar to yours, I had to make a man leave late at night, after running out of my own house to go get a neighbor to come over and stay with me as he gathered up his things to leave.
It was a year ago, and it still bothers me, even though I don’t like to think it does.
You will feel empowered by reporting him, and you need that right now.
Other hosts will benefit from this man not being able to use the airbnb platform, please, do us all a favor and report him.
I’m sorry this happened to you, it was NOT your fault.
So I called to report him and they forwarded my report to the safety department and they will be in touch with me. The guy already left me a review last night. I asked the lady if she can check if he left me an awful review and she said that it looked like a good review. (creepy).
That is about the creepiest story I have ever heard. It feels to me, that this guy went beyond sexual harassment into predator territory. I hope that AirBNB does take this seriously.
