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I have a middle aged long termer in my homeshare since August. He is generous and helpfu, as we are. However over time he has started to make a slow but steady stream of complaints about things that should not concern him, or I have no control over. It’s a bit annoying. The rent is very reasonable here.
He also smokes dope (it’s legal here) and comes in stinking of it. This stinks up the house and can trigger my asthma. I’ve asked him more than once to take 2-3 minutes to air himself out, but it now goes on 3-5 times a day.
Last night I offered him something and he helped himself rather generously. I asked him to take just one and he gave me attitude. Today I asked to speak to him about it. I was being civil about it, but he lost his temper with me, swearing and calling me names, etc.
I think this is one of those situations where it just wasn’t meant to be.
Sorry that this LTR is becoming not so suitable anymore. Was this booked on Air or privately?
Maybe you can have an honest conversation with him how this is not working and that he’s now disrespectful to you.
The fact that he’s smoking several times a day is not going to change. Good luck. Keep us posted
This was direct As you know most issues crop up in the first week or so. This is unusual. But I appreciate you putting in to words the lack of respect.
I once went to mass and I remember that the priest said in his sermon that guests are like fish, after three days they start to stink. I certaintly think that is true in your current situation. It’s best to ask him to relocate.
Thank you. We tend to do well with long terms and ultra long terms.
And as the priest would also say, it requires some introspection on my part too. One of my defects is to let the little things go until I am steaming. Plus, I don’t mind my guests having the odd joint. But this is more than I am comfy with.
@justMandi I think it’s one of the things that can happen with long-termers- they can become too “familiar” the longer they stay, feeling they have rights that a short-termer wouldn’t. Their minds shift from “I’m a guest here so I’ll be on good behavior” to “I live here so I can do what I want”.
Sorta like people presenting their best sides when they start dating someone, then, as time goes on, and the honeymoon’s over, some less lovely qualities come to the fore.
Now you’re aware of that, you can fix it.
It’s like with kids though (or husbands) - the longer you let them get away with things the worse it gets. It’s hard to turn from being a pushover to being the boss.
But remember that you are the boss.
Long termers get familiar with a place and think of it as their home. I know of a long term guest who painted all the walls of his room a particularly horrible green and the light white wicker furniture dark brown. After a while, they think that the place belongs to them.
What you can do now is talk to this man and say what you said above (that you’re partly to blame because you leave the little things until they mount up) but you’d love it if the two of your could sit down over a bottle of wine and sort things out.
If he’s still no good after that, I suggest rat poison in his morning coffee.
The poor behavior must be addressed ASAP. While it is a homeshare, he is a Tenant not a Guest, regardless of direct booking.
Even if you had an iron-clad contract, you probably are locked into 30 day written notice with your applicable tenant / landlord law - unless you can convince the police / judge that he threatened you and that you have valid concerns for your personal safety. Hopefully, he does not pull a “F you - I am staying and not paying”. Then, you may really need to rely on “personal safety” with how tenant centric and liberal your policies seem to be.
Yes, I understood that. But this current guest would fall into the mind set of what I described. I’ve certainly read other host posts where they complained about long-term guests starting to assume liberties after they had been there for some time.
Perhaps this might be of some use? It “appears” that if your situation is “border in a rooming house” that you may actually have significant leverage to tell him “cease or you are out - today - right Fking now”.
Thank you, Jefferson. The exception to these guidelines is when you and others no longer have the right to reasonable enjoyment. We have crossed that.
On reflection, what happened today was done when I attempted to have a civil and straightforward conversation this morning with a 55 year old man regarding a can of soup.
While I accept my own shortcomings, I was also reaching out to him like an adult. Nobody gets to behave like that under the circumstances. It’s completely inexcusable.
Granted I am not a lawyer but IF he has use of your kitchen and lives in a “room in your house” then it LOOKS LIKE he is “merely a border” and with the appropriate justification that you can kick him out without notice. It MAY need to be done with the police. Not sure.
Sounds like the honeymoon phase is over and his true personality is shining. When is he scheduled to check out? Since he yelled at you etc. tell him you are not comfortable with him being there
I wanted to discuss this first with the other roomie. And a quick chat with the local constabulary.
There has been no attempt on his part to remediate, but I gave him the dude chance.
He can leave now, month end, or end of November. If today is any indication, he will refuse. That’s where the police come in. It is also a very good idea to have someone else on hand to see this.
My guess is that he will try stay, and live by his own rules. And he is likely to say anything.
Food for thought: THC can build up in the body. At lower levels THC mellows/evens temperament and can provide support/relief for some medical conditions. At higher levels emotions and lack of personal restraint become unpredictable. At very high levels paranoia kicks in.
Depending on how strong the weed and frequency, 3-5x a day is concerning. As the THC increases bad behavior will increase.
I’m not there. I’m a nurse not a doctor so I can’t diagnose. I’m raising a flag for you to be aware and ask you to have a plan in the event things get worse.
My concern is your safety. There is a point residency/tenancy laws don’t matter.
I know plenty of chronic pot smokers- they basically smoke pot from morning til night and have done for 40-50 years. Not one of them exhibits “bad behavior” or lack of personal restraint, nor are they unpredictable.
Well, I’m from BC Canada, home of some of the most potent weed on the planet, and the people I’m referring to smoke that.
But you’re right- it affects everyone differently. I was never a stoner, even as a young hippie. It doesn’t get me “high”, it just makes me want to go to sleep. And I use it like that since I went through menopause and have a hard time sleeping. A couple tokes in bed at night does the trick. Never smoke the stuff otherwise.
And you know how it’s supposed to be good for pain? It has the opposite effect for me- intensifies pain about 3 fold.
