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Feedback on a small issue?

Guests left today. Booked for four nights. My space is attached to our home but has a separate entrance.
The third night they didn’t return and at 8:00 the next morning I texted to see if they were all right.
Woman responded about an hour later that they had planned a trip to San Diego overnight and thanked me for being concerned for their safety.
Am I wrong to think this a little weird that they didn’t mention the side trip to me? I realize they’re paying guests and can come and go as they please but this is a private home and we are aware of the comings and goings of our guests. I was truly worried by 6am.
I’m asking because I wonder if this in worth mentioning in the review and/or “dinging” them on communication. This would be only her second review in three years.

Thanks for any input.

I don’t think it’s weird. My setup is similar to yours, and I try very hard to give my guests the illusion of privacy. If you feel you must mention it, you could put it in the private message.

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Definitely not. My feeling is that once guests check-in, even though a shared space, they are on their own to do what they do. I would relish the time they were gone, personally (I also have a shared space in my home.)


No, this is not something to mention in the review. They did nothing wrong and I don’t see it as weird. Adults wouldn’t necessarily feel they need to inform their host of their comings and goings, especially when it’s a private space with it’s own entrance.

I think it was great that she thanked you for being concerned about their safety. I’m sure it never occurred to her that it would be worrisome to you.

I host a private room for 1 guest only. I get a lot of single females, of all ages, and guests mostly fly and bus here- they don’t have a car. It’s a 20 minute walk to town and the beach, which my guests do almost every day, sometimes twice. So in my case, I do tell guests that if they are planning to spend the night elsewhere, to please shoot me a text to let me know, otherwise I’ll be worried about them (raised 3 daughters, can’t help having a mom brain).

I probably wouldn’t worry if it was a couple or family, as opposed to a single person walking in an unfamiliar place, sometimes at night.

In the future you could mention to guests that you would appreciate it if they let you know if they’ll be away overnight at any point, otherwise you’d worry about them.


Thanks for your input! That makes sense.

Great response, thanks.
I too have a Mom brain — now a grand mom brain!

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Do you have a house rule that says guests need to tell the host when they leave and plan to return? If not, then yes, you are wrong.

You have a separate entrance so that you and your guests can maintain some independence and privacy and you should respect it. Imagine if the guest reviewed you and said that she was creeped out because you were keeping track of her coming and going.


Good points.
In fact, we do have security cameras and the guests know in advance that we do.
Sometimes I would prefer to turn them off but we live in an area where they offer protection.

I don’t see a host being concerned about guests who don’t come home all night as being an invasion of privacy. There’s nothing wrong, as I see it, with a host appreciating guests at least letting them know if they plan to go out of town during their stay.

An invasion of privacy would be expecting them to tell you where they are going, exactly when they expect to be back, etc.

You might not be the kind of person who would worry that your guests got in an accident or something, but some of us are.

My guests have told me they appreciate that I have a mom brain and would be concerned if they just disappeared without any warning. I don’t care what they do all day or pay attention to their comings and goings, but when I realized one morning that my single female guest hadn’t come home all night, I texted her in the morning to make sure she was okay. She had mentioned she was meeting friends in town that night for drinks, so I sort of assumed she had just stayed at their place, but I wanted to check. She didn’t find it the least bit intrusive- she thanked me for caring.


I disagree, respectfully. As of late, people are really looking for a more anonymous, less social dwelling in my shared home. Really, they want more of a hotel experience, so I’ve pivoted in a lot of ways.
I really think it’s intrusive to ask where guests are going, or when they will come back, unless it’s somehow in violation of house rules.


I didn’t suggest asking guests where they are going and when they’ll be back. I would never do that, it isn’t my business, and of course that would be intrusive.

That’s quite different from them shooting the host a text to say they won’t be coming back that night, or letting the host know they’re going away for a couple of days.

As far as guests wanting an anonymous, hotel-like experience, if that’s what they want, they can book somewhere else. That’s not what I think of as a home-share and I’m not interested in hosting anyone who wants that.

I certainly have guests who are more private, and come and go without much interaction, and that’s fine. But if they would prefer not to relate to me at all, would resent letting me know if they don’t plan to come back for a night or two, and just think of it as a cheaper alternative to a hotel, I would stop home-share hosting completely.

Everyone is welcome to host however they choose to. If you don’t mind anonymous guests, that’s fine, your choice. But it doesn’t work for me. That’s not why I home share.

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At least I know that this is not a black and white issue
and am glad I posted.
This was a young couple, still in college and not wanting a parental relationship while on holiday. But I read the news and it doesn’t make me feel wrong to be concerned. Maybe it’s just part of the gig, but I also have adult children so the worry part is built in!
Part of me thinks it would just be thoughtful to let your host know you are taking a side trip. I probably would have slept better. Silly me!
We don’t interfere with or question our guests. In fact, I make a point of telling them that! I rarely interact with them at all.

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I read a host post once where she had a young single male guest who said he was going hiking for the day. He didn’t come back for 3 days and didn’t answer text messages or phone calls. She was really worried. All sorts of things can happen to people.

It’s foolish, especially for a single person on holiday, not to let the host know about plans like that. If he was home, someone would likely be concerned, a relative or friend. In a strange place no one knowing your plans at all if you’re taking off for awhile is dangerous. That host’s guest did apologize to her when he got back and realized how worried she was.

I live in a touristy beach town full of bars. Girls have gotten Rohipnal slipped in their drinks and woken up in some house not knowing where they were or how they got there or what had transpired. You bet I’d be worried if a female guest didn’t come home all night. All I need is a one sentence text message- Won’t be back tonite, hanging with friends. How hard is that?

I used to tell my older teenagers when they complained that they weren’t little kids anymore, when I insisted they let me know where they were going and planned to be back, that it has nothing to do with how old you are. Adult partners and roommates keep track of each other like that. Normal husbands and wives don’t just disappear for 2 days without letting each other know their plans. That would be crazy.

If you mention it at all do it privately. You can legitimately expect communication about arrival, issues with the space, etc. but personal plans should not be your concern. I home share as well and do worry a little about the single guests. One reason to ask a guest to let you know about being away overnight is that if there were a fire, you need to know if anyone is in the house. Someone could get hurt looking for people who were not there. A missing car tells you if one person is away, but may not indicate if all members of a party are present. It’s important to handle it in a way that doesn’t just make you look nosey.


No, I wouldn’t mention it. The side trip was most likely unplanned and a last minute thing. Probably planned on returning the same day but decided to sleep over in San Diego.

It’d sound a bit stalkery. When I rent a space, as long as I’m staying within the boundaries of the house (and platform) rules, it’s no one else’s business what I do, where I do it and when I do it.

We’ve had the odd guest who stays away some nights, but they’re adults. It’s entirely up to them whether they let us know their plans, or not. Whatever the case may be.



In a home share situation I think it is expected the host knows when you come and go, so giving them a heads up if you will be out all night sounds reasonable.

If you are renting a stand alone place you may well be expecting privacy, unless it’s written up in the description as an on-site home making you part of the family.

I know we as hosts love door cameras, but in this case it sounds like we love them a little too much. Unless you see something against the house rules I’d pretend you don’t check each time your guest comes and goes.

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The Airbnb host notification to authorities this couple had gone missing probably saved their lives…

Don’t include the guests didn’t tell you they wouldn’t be returning one night because that very well may come across as overbearing. However I applaud you for caring about the safety of your guests.

Hey-if you are going to perturb a guest let it be because of caring about them.


No, it’s not weird. I’ve had guests take side trips and keep the room, but because I’m an in-home host and usually have coffee with them in the mornings (pre-Covid), I can ask questions and they tell me their plans or how they’re enjoying the area.

Some folks are private and/or spontaneous. Not telling you what they’re up to isn’t a lack of communication as they’ve paid for the room.

Perhaps, going forward, you can initiate the issue in the walk-through (since you worry) and discuss with future guests (hopefully they will appreciate your concern and not view it as being nosey!)


Although I’ve been known to go into mother-mode, especially with teenage guests, I don’t expect guests to let me know what they are doing or where they are going.

If they rent an apartment for a week, or a few days, it’s up to them whether they sleep in it every night. I’ve had many guests who’ve taken a side trip - some have mentioned it and others haven’t. And to be honest, with some of them I’ve thought ‘why are you telling me this?’

Putting myself in a guest’s position, I’d not take kindly to a host who’d want to know that I was spending the night somewhere else - especially if it’s just one night. I’d find it a bit creepy and intrusive.

If the guest had been single, it could have been a hookup situation. Or if the guests had a car, they could have had too much to drink to drive back to the rental.

There are plenty of scenarios and none of them are any of the host’s business

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