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Dealing with rejection

Howdy, peeps!

I have an event coming in May. I found a fabulous host in that city. But the number of attendees/guests grew beyond her capacity.

So I contacted Host 2, an accredited SH. I explained the event we were attending, the identities of all 4 of us, and the fact that 2 people were chimneys and would require a designated smoking area (she mentioned in her description that she had one).

She shut me down immediately, and quite tersely. I ended up going with the entirely cheerful and accommodating host, even though it might be a bit cramped.


I too have been less than diplomatic. What shocked me was how hurtful it was. I know it’s “just business”. But it was late, I was tired, and it felt rotten.

I dragged my sorry butt back to host 1, who happily accommodated our extra guest.

Putting myself in the shoes of a prospective guest, I learned an important lesson: never be unkind!


I’m sorry this happened to you, and I understand. I got a rejection from an Airbnb the first time I ever tried to use it (in October 2019) and she was rude as well. I wanted to message back “Hey! Cut it out, we are on the same team!”


Did she give you any reason for rejecting you?

The times I’ve rejected inquiries were primarily because they made inquires knowing that they were not in synch with my house rules or AirBNB policies, such as.

  • Smoking
  • Children
  • Events
  • 3rd Party booking
  • Pets
  • Asking for a reduced rate or barter situation.

I think there was only one time that I rejected an inquiry because I was uncomfortable with the questions the guest was asking, thinking that it just wouldn’t be a good fit for either of us. But with that said, I have handled them professionally and in some cases made suggestions of other AirBNB’s that might be better alternatives. I’d say it’s been 50/50 in how they responded to a professional well mannered rejection, with the negative 50% validating my decisions.

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Perhaps next time do not mention the smokers in the party. The host has a disclosed designated area. We will never know but that might have been part of the reason she rejected.


honesty no good? hmmmm

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Because I use IB I’ve never actually rejected anyone. But I have had inquiries (over the top ones sometimes) from people asking if they can bring babies, or a boat, or something else doubtful. And as @HH_AZ says, the important thing is to be professional and friendly if your answer is a negative one.

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Hmmmm … did I say “lie if asked”? It is not relevant, since the stay has a published disclosed smoking area.

Thanks peeps. I was quite surprised that I was sensitive about this. Maybe she had a bad day. But she immediately concluded that there were 4 smokers and that won’t do. Actually I am asthmatic Who cares?

They both taught me that a little diplomacy goes a long way, no matter what.


Pretty strange to list a designated smoking area, then object because too many of the guests are smokers, whether that’s an assumption or not.

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Again, who cares? Grumpy Cat is alive, well, and cursing on platform. The only reason I brought it up was to say that the 2 chimneys would probably soil the ashtray. They also have to stand outside for an extra minute or two for me.

When I asked “what reason was given” I assumed it wasn’t smoking because she posted a designated smoking area. Now that I understand that smoking was the reason I think she should state ‘no smoking’ to avoid misleading advertising.

With that said, I think the “chimney” description probably was the undoing. Even with a designated smoking area, many chain smokers, even though they may smoke outside or elsewhere, carry that odor indoors with them, much like cologne and perfume, albeit much less pleasant.


Don’t take it personally. She probably just had a bad experience with a recent guest and she unleased her frustration on you. She’s probably was having a bad day.

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I used to allow smoking outside and had plastic ashtrays for guests. The word “chimney” would have given me pause, too.

My co-host saw a thread with a booking (the one who I just canceled due to her late-in-the-process chemical and cat allergic reactions) and said I sounded too strict. I was having a bad day… so I wrote and apologized for sounding terse and she appreciated that. No good deed goes unpunished because 2 messages later, she tells me she has allergic reactions… oy oy oy.



Being honest about them being chain-smokers and having the host cancel is much better than the host getting upset about it after the guests check-in and the likely negative reviews that would follow.


Handling rejections is a challenge especially in writing when tone of voice is missing and assumptions can be easily made.
Calm and patient is needed. Don’t be too hard on yourself.


That was my thought. The word chimney, when “smoker” would suffice.

I , too mention smoking areas “ for the considerate smoker” ; however, I did have one smoker that must have been of the chimney variety: smoke wafted in with him, saturated his clothing and left a stale cigarette smell in the room that lingered after he checked out. So, I can understand the :scream: concern about 4 in one space.

Also, I have had many inquiries from non-smokers quite concerned that there is no residue in the private or shared spaces. I may remove the “considerate smoker” option…

Again, there were 2 smokers out of 4. In writing on platform and once again here. There is no smoke wafting in, because I am an asthmatic and that might mean a trip to the hospital. So you are speculating. And for the third and final time, this post is not about smoking.


Great first post, welcome to the forum.


Yeah, one thing is having someone smoke the occasional cigarette in some place in the house where that is allowed, a very different thing is having two “chimneys” impregnate that area with the strong stench of heavy smoking in an enclosed space.

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