When a Guest Makes You Feel Uncomfortable or Unsafe or Your Own Home

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Hello fellow hosts:

So I have hosted for about a year now. We are a suburban listing that tends to host more student interns, business travelers, military personnel than anything else, and we do far more of our hosting long-term than anything else. We get all types of people and, until now, we have not had any real issues.

Well, this last guest is just making us feel very uncomfortable. First, it is clear that he did not read our listing. He even seemed almost shocked that we, too, occupy the home, which is clear in our listing. This is also not his first time using Airbnb or even his first time renting a private room in an occupied home. Anyhow, it all starts with the guest staring me, a young female, up and down in a very suggestive manner upon arrival. Then, the guest asks if we’re home a lot and looks totally defeated when I say that I work from home most of the time. He then goes on to say that he is off on Mondays and that is the only day he is really here, and he asks my husband when he is gone for work, how long, etc, very specific things. It was as if he was trying to gauge how long my husband would be away when his time off and my time at home coincided.

After this, there were a series of oddities and it all goes back, multiple times, to asking more and more questions about when my husband is gone. He even asked again this morning. Then, we have one of those keypad entry locks, and I did a thorough demonstration of how to lock and unlock it using his code, and I was sure to explain that even though he hears a click, nothing happens unless he turns the knob to engage the bolt to lock or unlock the door. I even ask that he is sure to double check that the door is looked the first time that he uses it. Even still, he goes to his car to leave for the afternoon, and no lock. So I clarified to him the piece about having to enter the code to lock the door and double checking. He said “oh, oh, oh, yeah. Okay” as if the information completely slipped his mind within less than 5 minutes. Two or three more times, the same issue with the lock in the first evening alone.

The same night, he calls and says he can’t open the closet door, that it’s stuck. Now, the door is a bit swollen, but for it to be stuck, he must have worked quite hard to even shut it all the way. But it is a closet door inside the room, and it shuts, just not 100% flush. What is the need to force it all the way? We said no worries, we’ll take care of it when we get back. Eventually, he messages saying he got it straight.

We get home that evening to him standing in the pitch black doorway at the opposite end of the hallway from the door, just standing and waiting for us to walk in. He says hi from the darkness and we greet him back and he says hi a few more times from the dark abyss in the distance. Weird and creepy.

Now, that night, no shower; this morning, no shower; no tooth brushing at any point; no handwashing after the bathroom; and the guest, unfortunately, already had a marked odor upon arriving for check-in. The next morning, I was downstairs for breakfast and he just comes down and out of nowhere says, “I just couldn’t sleep because of the crickets. The crickets. I just couldn’t sleep because of the crickets.” I’m like what on earth is this supposed to be cuing me to say? So I just said “Well, unfortunately, we can’t really do much about that, but I know there is an app that I use sometimes just because for sleep and it has white noise to block out that type of thing.” I told him the name of the app, and he just seemed baffled by the whole experience and even more so by my response. Ensue more questions about when we’re not home. Upon leaving, I hear the door open and slam like three times, back-to-back, so I go down to make sure everything is okay, but by the time I get there, it appears he had already begun heading to the car.

Now, all of these things in isolation are nothing at all, but I am getting a thousand signs that this guest is not all there at all. We are both feeling super uncomfortable, and the odd things that are happening are the very type that are difficult to articulate, but if you were there, you’d feel uneasy too. My husband said he even stopped him in the middle of the night again asking about when my husband wouldn’t be home.

Long story short, called Airbnb to ask for help relocating the guest. They are willing to help. The hard part now, how on earth do I articulate tactfully that we are no longer comfortable hosting him for the rest of the two month stay?

?Unfortunately, due to extenuating circumstances, we do not feel that we will be a good fit, and Airbnb will be assisting you in finding a new location for the duration of your stay." Well, then I feel the need to say, “We’re really sorry for the inconvenience,” but then he just creeped us out and made us feel uncomfortable and “inconvenienced.” Ugh! Please help!

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As many here have said, Air is not a very good platform for longer term rentals like this. Your example is exactly why hosts should keep their rentals to no longer than 28 days…Lots of threads on this but, one good one to look up is the Squatter one.,…

So basically, in most U.S. jurisdictions a stay longer than 30 days converts them to tenants, conferring tenants rights, entitling them to due process during an eviction.

We had a member post here about a two-month tenant who became a squatter. She declined to pay on the second month (card charge did not go through, as Air charges per month) and she just STAYED. Knew she had due process and began to file TROs on the host, who narrowly escaped being banned from her own home for simply asking the sleazeball’s kid to clean up her ice cream mess. It took months and THOUSANDS of dollars to get her out and needless to say, she trashed the room.

If you insist on taking long term guests, here’s what I would advise. Rent to them for 21 days. When that’s over, you have a sense of whether the guest is a fit. If so, do all the things you’d do with a regular long term tenant. Deposit paid to YOU, credit check, first and last and LEASE.

Google Palm Springs squatter for another nightmare scenario of long term guests deciding to squat.

Getting rid of a creep like yours is far easier if they’ve only booked for a week or two.
Definitely get Air involved ASAP and get this weirdo out.

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Also, back to your original question, let Air talk to him and tell him he is being removed. I don’t think you need to say anything. Certainly do not bend over backwards to try to be polite.

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Ugh. As a recent host to an uncomfortable guest, I feel your pain. If you hadn’t mentioned the car, I’d wonder if they were the same person! My situation involved a short-term guest and a specific ‘that’s a step too much’ kind of event, so I’m not sure how much help my thoughts are - but since I’m in a hindsight place, I’ll have a go.

Consider letting Air handle the notification. This is how my situation ended up going, and other than not having the satisfaction of telling the individual he needed to leave I have no regrets on that front. AFAIK they called him, let him know he’d be moving, and about two hours after my call to Air I was turning over the room.

I did not come out to speak to him about it - as a solo young-ish female dealing with an unpredictable personality I didn’t feel safe doing so. Once it hit major problem status, I let Air be the method of communication.

As @konacoconutz said, you don’t need to say anything. At the most - if you are in the space and feel the need to say something - I’d stick with a “Sorry it didn’t work out”. You don’t need to cite extenuating circumstances, or anything else.

Also, one girl to another: If possible, I’d have your husband at home when Air (or you) do the notification. Trust me on this one - it is not a good feeling to be in your own home and worried that an unpredictable (possibly unstable?) guest is being told to GTFO.

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Thank you both for your help. I found it odd, but Airbnb was trying to
steer me in the direction of telling him myself.

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@KCHost Understandable - they’d rather not have to have the difficult conversation. And you certainly could handle it if you’d prefer. But - especially as this is a case where the guest made you uncomfortable or scared - don’t be afraid to put the job on someone who can do it by phone from across the country.

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I just feel like if we address it ourselves then the invitable “Why? What
happened?” will be next. Airbnb seems to want us to call him because they
are saying that he will be here in our shared space, so we’ll have to talk
to him anyway.

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Maybe get your husband to tell him he has to go. I would have my phone in hand ready to call the police, and hopefully it won’t be necessary.

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You could say that his not locking the door is the reason. Agree, have someone with you until he’s gone.

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True. I am definitely waiting for my husband to be involved as well for
sure.

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Yes, that might come up - and therein lies part of the challenge, because you don’t want to say anything that could be misconstrued or misremembered later. It’s hard because it’s an in-person interaction, so it can easily become he-said, she-said with no record other than what you & the guest remember (or claim to remember).

It’s going to be awkward. There’s no denying that. But you don’t owe an explanation to the individual. It’s your home, you offered to let them stay for a fee, and after a short time of trying it out with them you realized it wasn’t a good match.

You could phrasing it in a way of ‘I’m trying to help you’ … IE - “You didn’t seem comfortable with the lock, my working from home, or the cricket sounds in the bedroom. We think you’d be more comfortable staying elsewhere”. Keep returning to that - “We think you’d be more comfortable in a different place”. It makes the burden or fault seem like it’s on you & your apartment for not being what he needs, as opposed to a failing on his part to be a good guest.

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That is true. I appreciate that suggestion. Hopefully, we’ll get lucky,
and it won’t go that route, but my concern is what if he isn’t hear until
late.

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how did it go? Did everything work out alright?

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Airbnb was actualot swift to help us resolve everything. We called and
they suggested we tell him since we would be sharing a space with him. He
actually wasn’t to be back home until late, and we sleep early, so the only
real options left were Airbnb message and text so, per suggestion of
Airbnb, we did both. I just said “We wanted to talk to you when you got
home, but then we remembered you said you won’t be home until late.
Unfortunately, we will no longer be a good fit for the remainder of your
stay.”

I guess since what He did wasn’t blatant, Airbnb opted to not make him
feel to blame, and it was good for is because there was no tension. They
helped rehouse him and he was actually out that night. I reluctantly
agreed to give him 48 hours, but he did not sleep here that night. He did
leave a pair of shoes and all of his food items, so we ended up having to
co-ordinate pickup. Even that went oddly. I said that morning to let me
know when you would be able to, and that was taken literally I guess
because he literally messaged me at like 9 p.m. saying be there at 9:15–no
discussion, no co-ordination, just very odd.

Anyway, since he left peacefully the previous night, I just had my husband
have his things ready to hand him, since I had already neatly bagged them
up. No problems, just more oddities. In his way, he was polite about it,
apologizing for being a little late, since I responded to his 9 pm message
saying that if he’d be much later than 9:15, it would be better to
reschedule in the morning because we would be heading to bed.

Clearly this is a mental disorder situation, but since guests dont come
with medical info or instructions for how to successfully interact with
them and their idiosyncrasies, we had no idea of the nature of the illness,
the triggers, the problems, nothing. All we knew was something was
terribly off, we felt uncomfortable, and unsafe, and even the most basic
of things seemed to require repeated, detailed instruction and
clarification. We have no way of anticipating what basic norms or
expextations won’t be understood until something goes wrong. He also
clearly demonstrated that he had not read our listing or even reviewed all
of the photos as he repeatedly asked about things clearly indicated there.
Like, he walked into the room saying, "Oh, there is no tv in this room?"
We specifically mention that and the entire room is photographed, with
notes on how you can prop the computer up on the desk to what videos on
Hulu or Netflix, if you have it, since we do not have a t.v. in that room.

Suffice it to say, I’m still baffled by this situation. Over and over
again, we just kept feeling like we were in the twilight zone or something
because things were so odd. Now to the difficult task of conveying the
important details tactfully
comprehensibly in a review. Some things you just have to be there to feel
for yourself. Wow! Next time, I will go with my gut when I feel that the
initial communication is oddly choppy .

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I’m so glad for you that it was resolved fairly quickly and without
incident. It sounded like a scary situation.

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Yes, it was just weird in so many ways. Thank you to everyone for all of
the support and guidance here on the forum.

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I taught for nearly 3 decades and your description sounds like a “learning disabliity” or someone “on the spectrum,” or both. I feel badly for them when they leave the relative safety of the school and have to go out and make their way in the world and people have no way of knowing how to help them.

I’m really glad Airbnb was helpful and that it went well. Thanks for updating us. It’s frustrating when members ask for help but then disappear and don’t tell us the “rest of the story.”

Welcome! Hope you’ll be back with happy stories.

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I was a teacher as well, and sounds very much, at minimum, like an autism
spectrum deal, but again, I am not equipped. At least in my state, we
teachers receive zero training on this, only an IEP, sad but true. What I
know is limited, basically enough to recognize the signs and have no idea
what to do aside from that, other than follow the IEP and learn the
idiosyncrasies of each student’s condition over time because each case is
very, very different.

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Wow. That sounds awful. I can see why you needed to write this all out in detail - no one thing that happened is egregious, but when you add all those things together it paints a picture of a very uncomfortable situation. I’m glad Airbnb stepped in and resolved things for you.

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Precisely. In isolation, these are minor offenses but, altogether, this is
one overwhelmingly confusing and uncomfortable situation. I’m thankful for
Airbnb acting swiftly and respectfully on both sides. However, I am upset
that the community, I feel, has failed fellow hosts because reviews were
vague and terse which I now, following my experience with the guest,
perceive as an attempt to avoid addressing what could be an uncomfortable
review addressing things that aren’t the easiest to address.

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