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Troublesome, slow or unresponsive, disrespectful guest?

I am a California Host. My current guest is a college student. (I should probably just stop right here… ;-p ha, ha) He challenges the house rules (no shoes in the house - says that wasn’t in the rules, but it is and there’s a sign at the front door). “Quiet after 10 pm” rule - you can be up, and even watch TV, just beware that there are others who may be trying to sleep. There are three signs in the kitchen and it is in the rules that all food waste goes in the compost bin at the sink. The second time he was putting food down the garbage disposal at Midnight, I got up and told him to stop waking people up. (Garbage disposals aren’t exactly quiet). He said that I hadn’t told him and it wasn’t in the rules… but it is! Plus we are having a sever drought and it takes water to run the disposal - another reason I told him not to use it. He takes for ever to respond to messages and now wants to do laundry, but doesn’t show up when he says he will. I am happy to show him the laundry room, and reminded him that, per the rules, he needs to supply his own laundry soap. (FYI - most guests are long term - at least a month). Again, on Saturday, on his way out the door, he asked if I could show him the laundry room. Sure, what time will you be home? 5 pm he says. Okay! By 6, he is still a no-show. No message, no call, nothing. 10 pm I went to bed. I heard him get in at about 3 am or so. I find this behavior quiet unusual as my male guests have all been great! (Female guests have been a mixed bag) He is French, does that have anything to do with it? I am so puzzled by this one. He’s not my child, he’s not my employee, he’s not my student. He is a guest. He is going to be in my house for 8 more nights. (sigh) I feel so disrespected, but don’t want to loose my composure. I am a respectful adult! Here is my question… How should/would you respond to this behavior? (And Yes, I gave him a printed copy of the rules after he said that he hadn’t been told about not wearing shoes in the house)

Like you would with any “child” – sit him down with a printed sheet of the rules and start with, “Okay, let’s go over the rules, again, so that they are clear.”

He has proven that he will disregard what you tell him. Seems like there is no getting through to him. You have two options. One is to call Airbnb and tell them he is disrespecting you without apology or acknowledgement and say you will not be providing a refund, you don’t want any reviews, or a review saying you cancelled. Airbnb will help him find a new place. Or you can start writing up your review now of him to warn other guests. I’d kick him out.

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This. And I would also have a copy of the original listing, so every time he says, “But that wasn’t in the rules,” you can show him. Not reading is his problem not yours.

I would call Airbnb and ask to have him rehomed. I can’t stand people who won’t use common sense because, “It’s not in the rules.” He is being inconsiderate and illogical. Nobody can make a rule for every single thing.

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If I was in someone’s home, kept my shoes on when the host asked me not to or ran the garbage disposal at 3pm and was told it disturbed others, it wouldn’t take a rule for me to stop doing those things. I’ve spawned several males that have become young adults and, while they may have been inconsiderate around me on occasion, they have always been thoughtful when staying with others. :grin:

Maybe the rule I’ll put in place will be - No passive aggressive guests.

To answer your question, I think I would take him aside when he isn’t doing anything wrong and tell him, “You probably didn’t realize this, but…” and then just hit the biggies and mention the close quarters, etc., then ask if there is anything you can do for him, is his room comfortable, etc.

I manage condominiums and homeowner associations and have had to deal with some real difficult situations. Unless it involves a life safety issue, even when I know for a fact the person is violating the rules just to be a jerk and tick off the board or neighbors, I try to give them a way to be the good guy by extending them benefit of the doubt. I always start with- “You probably didn’t realize this, but…” Then if they still want to be a jerk, I become their worst nightmare. I realize it’s a bit different because he is in your home, so easier said than done.

It will be interesting to learn how you resolve this situation.


I like your suggestion @sandyb. I’ll have to first let go of the expectation that my guest would be considerate of others and less self-centered. How does one not notice how much noise a garbage disposal makes? I mean really!!??

Thanks @EllenN, I was thinking the same thing [quote=“EllenN, post:5, topic:8020”]
Nobody can make a rule for every single thing.

@katnhat… I haven’t figured out how to let go of that expectation yet! I am always amazed and appalled when people are so thoughtless. Another thing that I do (and it helped with my recent bad airbnb guest) is I visualize what I would really like to say or do to that person. This is very immature, I know, but it gives me satisfaction without negatively impacting the ultimate outcome I am seeking - harmony. :smiling_imp:


I’ve done this before. I have some entries in my diary to prove it. :slight_smile: It helps to get it out on paper (real or digital).

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Okay. One thing I have realized is that I’m not going to make a dent if I say anything to him. Plus, I hate confrontation. Nothing that he has done is all that egregious, so I am resolved to start writing his review. Here is what I have so far:

“So-n-so” is a friendly guy, however, if adherence to the House Rules and timely and courteous communication are important to you, then “So-n-so” might not be a good fit. He also drives a VERY LOUD Mini Cooper, which the neighbors in our “quiet neighborhood” did not appreciate during his late night and pre-dawn comings and goings. However, when asked, he did agree to park it farther away, thus disturbing the neighbors on the adjacent street instead ;-p.

What do you think? Do I need to provide more detail?

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I’d expand more on the house rules and shorten or delete the part about the car… which I have a question about… is he driving it slowly and it’s still loud or is he zooming up down the street?

In a nutshell, I get the impression the fellow is just plain arrogant and has a chip on his shoulder, it may well be a French one. It is little wonder why he kept breaking the house rules, because he didn’t bother to read them, because he is way too smart (college kid) to do so, and thus to abide by them.

In the review, I would point out in essence that it appears he didn’t read the house rules, for he constantly would break them.

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He must have something on it to enhance the volume of the exhaust. It is loud like an old muscle car. The street is a cul-de-sac and is only a block long, so no zooming up and down the street.

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