Sex Etiquette for Hosts?/ Coming out as Queer to Guests

I am a single woman from Canada and my listing is a 2 bedroom basement apartment. I Airbnb the second bedroom. I find hosting is kind of a drag on my sex life and I am reluctant to bring the people I am seeing back to my place for sex because I don’t want to make my guests uncomfortable. The Airbnb room is right across from mine so sound travels. I have friends who tell me “its your place just live your life and be as quiet as you can” but I’m still hesitant. Any advice/opinions? Something else that makes me nervous is that I date both men and women and I often host people who are from more conservative places so if I were to bring a woman home I do have a slight fear a guest could make an uncomfortable or homophobic comment. I don’t openly state on my listing I am queer but I wonder if I should so I don’t have to keep coming out to guests. On the other hand its not really their business! Any other queer hosts have advice?

Your sexuality has nothing to do with anything so I’d knock that thought on the head. Me personally I don’t host and have the boy over when I’m hosting…I block every other weekend so I can have a life but so also I don’t need to explain myself.

If you do decide to mix hosting and your sex life, bear in mind that some people are prudes and will almost certainly be offended no matter what you do.


I’m not sure what this sentence means. Of course, I may just be thick…

I’m another one that doesn’t mix hosting and my love life.

Surely you could go over to their place, if you are overcome by a sudden urge :slight_smile: when you have guests.

I too block out dates so I have some time to myself whether I want to invite friends over or just to have a bit of space.

As a guest I would be a bit uncomfortable if I stayed somewhere thinking I was staying with a single female host and it turned out that random sexual partners were also staying at the listing/visiting for sex.

I call my significant other ‘the boy’. @faheem

Yes, that bit I got. But I found the structure of “I don’t host and have the boy over when I’m hosting.” a bit confusing. Would it still be correct if it was just.

I don’t have the boy over when I have (Airbnb) guests.



I’m good with how I wrote the sentence. Repetition seems a pretty minor crime. Since you were able to re-write what I’d posted I’d posit you understood it perfectly well too :slight_smile:


Not initially, no. I was going off Helsi’s comment. It seems she did understand you.

1 Like

A. I don’t host and have the boy over when I’m hosting. (Repetition of hosting.)

B. I don’t host and have the boy over at the same time.


C. I don’t have the boy over when I’m hosting.

Hope that’s clearer. :slight_smile:


Hmm… thats a question noone posted yet. I am not sure how that will go because i am married my whole life and dont face the poblem of bringing a new partner home. So… you are talking about you suddenly bringing new encounters, right? I am just trying to understand to give my opinion.

I stayed in many Airbnb, and to think of it, there were single hosts and there were married, but i dont remeber that i ever heard any sounds from them during night. We discussed the topic the other way around when a host hears sex sounds but as a guest i probably would not care as much because i would know its very temporary, but… with that said, noone likes to listen to someone having sex so the quieter the better.

But if it was me i could not care less what orientation my host, bi, men, women, but i know for sure that not everyone are ok with everything other than traditional man/woman situation.As far as bringing new partners every night, its really noone’s business but again you will have people from different background and i am sure you will encounter different opinions and different reviews


About being LGBT+ and coming out to guests… We are a gay couple. If we feel confident about our guests we will tell the truth. If we don’t feel comfortable we are family or friends living together. In your case any woman staying over could be a friend visiting you and staying over.

That is supposing you don’t make the situation too obvious with all kinds of sounds, kissing at the breakfast table, etc. … Just try to be aware of any one being able to hear you, and try to adjust the volume button. Both silent :innocent: and loud :imp: sex can be great :speak_no_evil: :see_no_evil:, just learn to enjoy the variation between the two. And be ready to explain to “visitors” that there are guests just a few feet away.

Personally I don’t see a lot of difference between you having a long term relationship over or a one night stand. Of course, you should always guarantee your guest’s safety: you don’t want a drunk sex partner, you don’t know and can’t trust, nosing through your guest’s stuff.


Faheem, Zandra means when her BF comes to stay.

I am kind of speechless with this question…
You are saying you pick up people in bars and hookup and bring them home and you still want to host?

I don’t care what your orientation, this doesn’t seem like a good match. Hosting and hooking up. :rofl:

If I were your guest, I’d be highly uncomfortable with my host bringing home hookups. And I’m no prude.


You absolutely shouldn’t worry about making homophobic guests uncomfortable because you are dating a woman. Their homophobia is their problem. My husband is part African American. I don’t worry in the slightest about white supremacists being upset.

If I were a guest your dates wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. However, many people are uncomfortable with hearing the sounds of others having sex. I would suggest that if you’re having sex with someone for the first time so you don’t know how loud they are you go to their place. Once you’ve been dating a while you’ll know if the two of you can be discreet. My husband and I take advantage of guests’ sightseeing schedule.

As Airbnb has instituted a non-discrimination policy; I assume that you could terminate a guest’s stay if he/she made a homophobic remark.


But Ellen, you and your husband are demonstrating normal social discretion by waiting until the guests leave the house. I think this OP is asking about whether it is ok to bring home strangers and have sex with them while also hosting guests. I think it isn’t a good match, but she could try it and maybe pay the price in bad reviews. :frowning:

1 Like

Sexual orientation and coming out is not an issue You need not explain anything! However, bringing hook ups home would make me uncomfortable as a guest.


Oh faheem. Don’t be such a pedant. :slight_smile:


Hosting is a job. Hosts are paid for the accommodation they provide. Guests should have the same consideration as your mother, your sister or your dad if they were staying with you. Gay or not, hookups or not, the main thing is providing a clean and comfortable experience. All the rest doesn’t matter.

Hosting is ‘a kind of drag’ to your entire personal life, not just your sex life.

There’s nothing wrong at all in mentioning that you are gay (or bi) in your profile. You’re right, it’s none of the guests’ business and in the same way, it’s none of your business what they do once they are in their room. If you’re worried about guests making homophobic remarks, then just don’t give them the opportunity to do so.

All hosts have to adjust their lives - personal or working lives - in order to host.

1 Like

You know I love you but I profoundly disagree.

HOOKUPS by a HOST in a place I am PAYING to stay in, would make me HIGHLY uncomfortable… And if I were a guest I would say so in a review!

Hosts have to pay attention to all the details that make a place comfortable. That is one of them. My behavior. How I act.


No really. I agree :wink:

The point I’m trying to make - probably badly - is that it’s perfectly possible for the OP to keep her activities quiet and discreet just as she would if her granny was staying with her. We all have to make personal sacrifices of some sort when we decide to become a host.