As dear @jacquo knows, some of us hardened hosts have given up on screening guests. Experience has taught us that no matter what they say and how they present themselves in their messages, you can never really be sure what you get in reality. In fact, sometimes it’s best to use reverse psychology.
Right now I have a classic example: “hey, we are xyz …we’ll be out all the time so you’ll hardly see us!” Yeah right, I thought. And bingo! They go out for about 3 hours a day. In the busiest, most vibrant city in Europe right now. Sigh.
Other examples:
"We’re really clean and respectful!"
Really? You think this is a special trait that deserves mention? Oh, ok. I’m guessing you’ll only stain my towels and linens a little bit, rather than consign them to the bin. And you’ll “respectfully” ask to check out late only when I knock on the door at 11am. If guests feel the need to reassure you that they’re clean - be concerned.
"We’re very easygoing!"
Mmh, you might think so. But your idea of easygoing means what exactly? In my experience it means you will probably wrinkle your nose at my old house and demand my attention at all times of day and night.
I have become suspicious of guests who declare how great they are at behaving like normal people.
This is not an entirely serious thread! But maybe newbie hosts can learn that screening is not foolproof. I’m instant book all the way now - unless someone says something nuts.
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Some guests are SO annoying and it’s impossible to tell who they will be. We have a family here currently complaining about the internet. I go up there to see they’re trying to connect 4 phones, 2 iPads and a laptop… seriously?! Meanwhile this is going on outside their window and they’re so concerned about their bloody internet…
oops… meant to post a picture of our fabulous night sky entertainment but for some reason it’s not working. I will blame our slow internet 
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Ah, I want to see some sky action!! It is indeed frustrating when you have some wonderful stuff to see/do in your area and guests just want to hang out. But they’re paying so what can you do other than resist the urge to channel your grandmother and shoo them out forcefully into the fresh air with your broom.
I’m beginning to understand my stay-at-home guests a bit more. From brief chats I get the impression that their homelife is not so easy - seems they live in different appartments and don’t get to be together in a comfortable quiet place very often. So I forgive them wholeheartedly and hope they’re having a nice time. Earplugs at the ready if my ceiling light starts to swing (their room is above mine).
Ah yes…my most recent ones:
THE CLAIM: "My boyfriend and I are quiet, mindful, respectful people looking for a quiet escape from the big city.
THE REALITY: these two crap guests fought loudly in my apartment in my quiet neighborhood that my neighbor came up, thinking I was being abused by a mean jerk A**hole. Loud, profane, abusive language blasted the solitude and quietude of my street. When confronted by me after the fact (neighbor reported incident to me) the guest apologized for the disruption and then called me a racist because she and this loser were apparently an interracial couple and I was racist for scolding her.
Mindful much?
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Ok trying again with the pic (not mine I must add, but from a friend in the same area, the night they just had to had their wifi at ridiculously fast speeds
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Wow, that is gorgeous! Where are you? How sad that your guests couldn’t/wouldn’t appreciate it. Ah well, their loss.
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