OCD Guest - She's making me miserable

1

Hi everyone,
I have a long term guest and I am counting the days until her departure. It has been uncomfortable to say the least, and my instinct is to leave no review rather than a negative one.

The guest arrived and she seemed to ask normal enough questions (how does the subway work? where are some interesting places to go? etc.) but then I realized she needed A LOT of attention and reassurance. Around this same time she told me her family has suggested that she has OCD.

At first I thought she was just having stomach problems, as she was spending long periods of time in the bathroom. I then realized we were going through a roll of toilet paper a day! In one month, she has used a 3-month supply of toilet paper, tissues, plastic wrap, cleaning wipes, and hand soap. I began hiding products as she finished them and left me the empty boxes. She also wipes down the entire toilet every time she uses it, and flushes the toilet multiple times are each use. Her first showers lasted around 30-45 minutes. She also told me she required fresh wash cloths every day for her skin, so I went out and bought more of those as well.

She asked me if she could smoke a hookah in the house, and I said, “Yes, but only near a window. This is a non-smoking house as you know.” The hookah became a regular thing, and she wasn’t smoking it in her room. I had to ask her a few times to keep it in her bedroom. Oddly enough, I realized that the nicotine in the hookah was helping her to control her OCD. I felt I had to choose between 2 equally difficult behaviors. (I was so happy that her OCD was better that I allowed the hookah use to keep going if only because it meant I could stop hiding all the paper products…)

She is also quite needy, and requires constant reassurance all typical of OCD: What is the weather? Is this neighborhood safe? What is the temperature? Will I be cold? Is this city safe? Is this food safe? Is it healthy? WillI get fat eating this? I stopped eating around her as I quickly grew tired of having my meals micro analyzed.

My question is this: all of her odd behaviors revolve around her OCD which she seems aware that she has. She is a kind person, but her medical issue clearly makes her a difficult guest. I found myself avoiding coming home, and am so relieved that her stay is coming to an end. Long story short, she might be a fine guest if you don’t have to share space with her, but as a roommate she has been horrible. She is 28, but I feel like what she really needs is a parent, not a concierge.

What kind of review should I leave?

2

You are not a concierge either. You are renting a room to someone. This behavior is OTT. Please give Air a call and try to get her out NOW. Your problems are bigger than what kind of review to leave.

5 Likes
3

I agree. Unfortunately this guest is not suitable for sharing a home she would be better in a whole listing.

Why wouldn’t you want to leave her a review, so other hosts will be aware of her behaviour?

Why would you allow her to smoke in your home?

As a host you can and should be clear about enforcing your house rules, rather than pandering to this guest.

6 Likes
4

I’m concerned about leaving a review that doesn’t out her psychological / medical condition to the world. It’s one thing to be mentally ill, and another to have those problems announced to strangers. I also wonder about the legality of doing such a thing!

I only mentioned the OCD behaviors in this post. I didn’t mention the even more annoying habits that have nothing to do with her mental state.

5

I didn’t suggest you should leave a review mentioning a medical condition (you don’t actually know she has this).

I suggested there is no reason not to leave her a review and that it would be beneficial for other hosts if you did so.

3 Likes
6
  1. LONG TERM rentals = BAD. Don’t do it again, or you may end up with worse!!!
  2. WHY have you continued to pander to this person? She should have been gone weeks ago!!
  3. Reviews are for us, your fellow hosts, not for the ego of the guest. Be factual – “Guest did not follow house rules, and was far too needy for a shared home environment. I was not comfortable with her behavior. I cannot recommend her.”
9 Likes
7

Stop counting and get her out now. Call Airbnb and have them remove her. How long is her stay for? Hope you don’t end up with a squatter.
Definitely leave a factual not diagnostic review. I wouldn’t want to host her.

8 Likes
8

I think you need to review honestly and fairly. There is nothing for you to ‘out’ as everything you have said is you and others best guess.

If the guest has otherwise been clean and tidy etc it is unfair to mark her down for her nervousness or eccentricities. It is tough to mention the smoking as to all intents and purposes you have approved it - I appreciate the desire to please but I don’t don’t think anyone would be put out by you saying no to smoking if you are a non-smoking home.

Whilst I agree to an extent with what @KenH says I think you risk coming across as quite harsh, I often check out the host’s reviews when booking as a visitor - so be careful not to come across as uncaring etc. I do think that as @KenH says why did you continue to pander to the guest - I learned early on that you need to be confident enough to address issues - guests normally are more than happy to adjust their behavior if they are told of an issue.

Keep the review simple and make the negative point positive: the guest would be an ideal guest for a slightly more hands-on host.

Finally, the best thing you can do is if this is your most needy guest - use all the questions as more information for your welcome guide so that you at least get something out of this. Oh, and top tip if you notice something like the toilet roll issue, swap it out for some cheap rolls - that’s what I do when I have my sisters young children to stay!

Sam

1 Like
9

I agree with others, for a day or so I can put up with most people, I would however not llow smoking etc whatever the situation is.

Long term is another matter.

2 Likes
10

This is far beyond what even the most motherly, hands-on host should expect. The extreme resource use, the constant questions, the request to break house rules. No.

Please leave her a review. None of us want to host this kind of situation without fair warning.

“While (something nice), I don’t think guest is suited for shared-home situations. Our interactions were always pleasant, but her need for my time and use of household resources (water and paper goods) was easily 3-4 times as much as I’ve come to expect from other guests.”

11 Likes
11

You are not diagnosing or disclosing her mental illness, keep it factual, she chose to stay in a shared space that ends with a public review ‘guest was friendly and clean, might be great in an entire home listing but I can’t recommend guest for a shared space. Guest had behaviors and needs I found challenging such as very high use of wipes, toilet papers, cleaners etc and constant questions about weather, food and neighborhood safety.’

FYI re the initial problem behavior- pandering to a person with a MH problem (or any problem really) enables them not to seek help that might actually benefit them in the long term AND makes those that do pander to them resentful and avoidant of the person and this is also unhelpful to the person. It’s not nice being a person people try to avoid and not understanding why.

Knowing that her family has already raised concerns with the her about their behavior/illness, I would have been much clearer with the guest from the beginning- no inside smoking; no
overuse of the TP; I will not be available to advise on the weather, help her plan her daily activities/discuss her anxieties about such as she has the WiFi and guidebooks I provide and seems to want more than the basic introductory tourist info I am happy to provide. I would consistently deliver this message in a clear way and encourage the person to find solutions to these needs and remind her she is in a shared Airbnb space where guests are expected to be independent travelers.

Whilst this may increase her anxieties in the short term, this is what will lead her to help herself and seek professional help, reach out to family, realize she is not ready to travel etc. Sometimes ‘helping’ someone, in the way you generously have, is not helping them at all.

1 Like
12

I would like to be as kind as possible while still being honest.

Sample review for guest: _______ is a serious young woman who likes a quiet atmosphere where she can study for her exams. She loves to be home and cleanliness is very important to her. She is a self-professed germaphobe, and as her host you may want to stock up on 2-3 times the normal amounts of toilet paper, hand soap, and other products. This excessive use of products lessens after she smokes a hookah, so if you are sensitive to smoke and other odors, you might want to note that.

I’d like some feedback from the community. If you read this, would you get what I’m trying to say?

2 Likes
13

P.S. She actually did say, “I am a germaphobe” so I feel o.k. using that in the review.

1 Like
14

NO. This review isn’t honest. You are sugarcoating a very serious problem, and then being snarky by making light of her excessive supply use. You’ve been given very good help here so I’m flummoxed as to why you would propose this. I for one am done answering on this thread because you don’t seem to be getting it.

1 Like
15

Wow I feel for you having a guest like that. Her family is probably high 5 ing each other for you having hosted her for so long ! ! !
I would definitely NOT want to host this person in my space and am thanking you in advance for writing a review and warning other potential Hosts.

Suggestion for review “, xxx is a self professed germaphobe and requires excess sundries and maintenance for her stay. I cannot recommend her as a guest.” well something like that…

Even in a private accommodation situation seems like she would be a constant concern for the host.

4 Likes
16

I would leave out the hookah part. That could be a private coping mechanism that her family and friends are not aware she uses. She did ask for permission, and you did approve. I think once you remove the last line, the rest sounds fine.

17

I disagree with @cabinhost about leaving out the use of a hookah. The excessive use of products would make we want to decline her but I would feel petty - the use of a hookah would put me over the top with absolutely no feelings of guilt. I would doubt her family or friends read her reviews and even if they did I doubt this behavior is unknown to them.

3 Likes
18

Not questioning your opinion of making sure other hosts know about the hooka use.

However, there are so many people who do not know about their spouse’s, children’s doings, etc. And they live with those people day in and day out. And they aren’t clueless people necessarily. But I think we all should be sensitive to people with mental health issues and if coping mechanisms is something we want to spread over the internet.

Now the girl did have to be reminded to go back to smoking near the window. So if the OP feels she took complete advantage, then by all means state it publicly.

From reading the entire post though, I am getting the vibe that the girl latched onto the OP and was being enabled with most of her issues. So she wasn’t receiving any bad vibe back. Hence, she thought her behavior was okay the whole time.

19

I just want to thank everyone for their comments. It’s been very helpful to see different points of view.

I did not mention that my roommate is from a middle eastern country where hookah use is quite common. Because they use nicotine and not illegal drugs, I felt it was ok to mention.

Many thanks for your sensitive suggestions. I have a good idea of what to write now.

5 Likes
20

totally agree - hosts are not housemaids, hotel mamagers, therapists or doctors - unless of course its their full time job and renting a room on the side Airbnb style -