Guest says something you are socially expected to respond to
You say “Oh?” “Oh dear” or “Oh! Wonderful!” (Whatever is most appropriate) and follow up as quickly as possible with a “I’m so sorry i can’t chat longer, but if you need anything please text me” and then flee.
Guest, Tuesday morning as they’re waiting for their can to the airport: Who washed the baby Thursday night?
Me: um (it was 5 days ago. I don’t even know who was president 5 days ago) My husband, I think.
Guest: because there was a turd in the tub.
Me: Oh. Oh dear! That’s life with babies! Gotta go! (Pushes stroller away very fast)
…you can maybe borrow someone’s baby? (I’d love to chat more, but I’ve got to help my friend with their sick baby) (I’d love to chat more, but I’ve got a government to overthrow)
… you know, normal but inarguable stuff like that…