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Nationality of my partner can be serious problem for some guests


#1

My partner is from nation which is very unpopular in certain part of the world. They are surrounded by countries, which all hate them and try to exterminate them for centuries. Especially one country is very problematic and right now, they have serious war going on, with tens of casualties every day.
So here is my problem, Airbnb is all about tolerance, respect and non-discrimination, but I think certain situations are just calling for trouble. My partner is very tolerant and he doesn’t care about people’s nationality, skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever. We both know, that everywhere are good people, with different opinions and not everyone agrees with the official countries politics. There is no issue on our side, but I’m thinking this could be problem for guests.
I received request from guest from this country and I’m not sure how to react. Can I send him something like: I just want to let you know, that my partner is this nationality, is it ok for you to be with him under one roof? I know, this sounds very offense toward guest, but I think it’s better to let him know in advance, than prepare him surprise, when he gets here.

What are your thoughts on this?


#2

I’m confused by what you are saying I’m afraid. I’m not sure whether you have received an enquiry from someone who resides in the country where you are hosting, or someone who is from the same country as your partner. That said, I don’t think you should say anything about your partner’s nationality; it is none of their business and if they don’t like it, they can bugger off. You see your partner as tolerant and non-discriminatory and so should others with an open mind.

There are any number of ferocious trouble spots in the world, all causing great pain. I am sorry for the pain you are feeling personally, but don’t make excuses to any bigots!


#3

Oh, sorry for confusion. We live in completely different country, quite close to problematic area, but still different country, which has nothing to do with this issue. Potential guest is from country which is in the war with my partner’s nation (they are enemies). And our guests have no idea, what’s our origin countries until they get here, we have introductory chitchat and the question ‘Where are you from?’ comes up.

I already got few inquiries from people from this country, but they were all asking for paying cash, making some special arrangements, breaking house rules, … so I just declined them based on that. This is first inquiry, which is legit (except for no reviews, no verification, no profile picture, no information provided) but at least he is not asking for some special arrangements outside of the platform, so I’m giving him a chance to provide at least some information and picture and then decide based on that.


#4

I don’t think there is any reason to mention where your partner is from. Just because governments fight with each other doesn’t mean the people can’t get along. We have 4 rooms we rent and at times have had many different folks stay at the same time; Christian, Muslim, Jewish, black, white, Hispanic, gay and lesbian, different political beliefs, etc. We’ve never had a problem. It’s not your responsibility to try to avoid a potential conflict because a guest might be prejudice. My guess is that you’re saying your partner is Jewish. I wouldn’t worry about it. You could avoid the subject or it may be an opportunity to open up some dialog about the conflict.


#5

Is your partner Israeli?

You don’t have to tell anybody anything about yourself that you don’t feel comfortable disclosing. That includes your partners name, nation of origin, favorite food, or just anything that you don’t want to share.

If you feel that uncomfortable about letting someone from these other countries in your home, then just don’t do it. You don’t have to tell them why. You don’t have to tell them that you were discriminating against them. You just don’t let them in your home.

Whether or not your fears are reasonable is probably not something that many hosts here can address, unless they happen to be in a similar situation. We don’t know what nation your partner is from, we don’t know what nation you’re in, and we don’t know the specifics of your environment or how you communicate with your guests.


#6

@Rehny – race, creed, color DO NOT MATTER HERE! There is no need to tell anyone where you or your partner or your friends are from.

Personally I am from another star system 62 light years away and without my skin-suit I look like a 6 ft tall bunch of asparagus. But THAT DOES NOT MATTER and has no bearing on my abilities as a host.

Please leave all that racist, nationalist crap behind.


#7

ewwww…asparagus


#8

You must be pretty old then!


#9

You are right, that I would rather avoid this topic and there is no need to bring it up. Problem is they usually have pretty good guess just from facial features and also last name on rings, which all the guests know is not really helpful. So I don’t give it much chance to hide the fact.
I really don’t want to discriminate people just based on their country of origin, but I don’t want to have in my home insults and silly fights about political, national and religious issues. That’s why I wanted to warn guests ahead. If you have problem with that, don’t book with us.


#10

No no no no. If you can’t adequately explain this to us here, guests won’t get it.

A former mod here and longtime poster got in trouble with Air for even saying the words “different culture” to a guest in private feedback. She was almost shut down for it.

Don’t go there. It does not matter one single bit and may come across very strangely to the guest who might report you. Just no.


#11

We are a gay couple, living in a macho continent, so we know what it’s like to (potentially) face animosity.

A question: Is it very obvious that he is Israeli? (e.a. Can you hear it in the languages he uses? Can you hear it when you two speak to each other? Does he dress like an orthodox jew? Does he make israeli phone calls with guests present?)

Depending on the answer you can use different tactics:

  1. Simply lie about his nationality. This is supposing it isn’t obvious. You can give him any nationality you like. Maybe adding he had one Israeli grandmother to cover his looks.
  2. Tell that he was born Israeli, but that he has now nationalized to being e.a. Jordan if that is where your BnB is located. Or that he nationalized to your nationality. Tell that he has never really felt any connection with Israel.
  3. Admit he’s Israeli, but that he has already left his country for several years. Tell that he left Israel before doing his military service.
  4. When guests want to get into Israeli - Arab politics, just avoid the subject. You could do it very subtle. You could say it doesn’t interest you. You could say you don’t agree with the Israeli politics. You could even go as far as apologizing for it and saying it’s out of your control.
    Pick your poison!
    (Disclaimer: I don’t think it should be necessary to have to use this tactics in a normal world, but the world is what it is.)

I think in general, if your partner himself doesn’t get influenced by ‘fear’ or prejudice, and he just remains open and friendly to whatever nationality he’s facing, that all will be well. In the end governments decide to go to war, it’s not every individual person who has decided this. Most people know the distinction, and if both parties remain their friendly selves it can also be an enriching experience: ‘Syrians and Israeli don’t have to be enemies, they can also overcome religious/cultural differences and be friends.’

Considering the situation, I wouldn’t disclose in your listing that your are an Israeli - (other nationality) couple. We don’t tell we are gay either, because it could (potentially) attract just those guests you don’t want. This could even put you literally into danger.
You could however mention your openness: 'We are open to people of all races, cultures and sexual orientation. However we do not like to discuss politics and prefer if people don’t try to enter in these kinds of conversations’ I worded it badly, but something in that sense.


#12

I’ve seen many listings hosted by couples where they say something about their nationality in the part about the host, not in the listing. Something like “Jenny was born in Sweden and has lived in Arizona for 10 years. DeAundre works for the city of Phoenix” with a picture of a blonde white woman and a black man. Then if they get a guest who is part of the 20% of Americans who think interracial marriage is wrong, that prospective guest can look elsewhere. I hate to sound corny but different people interacting with one another is one of the ways we make the world a better place.


#13

Dreadfully sad that this goes on. @Rehny it may even work in your favour, if paying guests flounce off, you may get to keep the money, and have less laundry to do.
Do you think you should cover up your husbands nationality, or be proud, and damn the consequences?


#14

The consequence could be that a nutcase comes to your home to kill you. We should all be able to be proud, but that isn’t the real world (yet) :disappointed_relieved:.


#15

Nope; I just have really fast commute from home to the listing planet (I mean site)!!


#16

Well, I clicked the ‘like’ button, but it didn’t seem appropriate :frowning:
Would have liked a ‘solidarity’ button


#17

@GutHend I was actually thinking, how you are solving it. Unfortunately, there is still many people hating gay people and their numbers are much much more than what we are facing. And it’s also hard to guess persons view on gay couples, unlike being skeptical with one nation.

So you don’t mention it anywhere? Do your guests know, I mean can they recognize you are gay, when they come? Did you ever have problems, like guests weren’t comfortable staying with you? Did you ever have to face some insults, bad comments or other uncomfortable situations from guests?

It would be very hard to cover up, considering his face (people from the area can recognize nationality based on that) and his last name, which is on our rings and also quite recognizable. And he is proud of his nationality or at least he feels the struggle of his people (same as me). But sometimes if he feels it’s not good idea to admit his origin, he will just name the country, where he grew up, spent most of his life and has it’s citizenship. Often, he is just showing his European ID or say he came here from his citizenship country.

So yes, he has feelings for his people and feel it’s unfair what is happening to them, but for that you don’t need to have his nationality. I feel sad for them too, same as I feel sad for blacks, gays, muslims, africans and everybody else who is treated unfairly.

And sometimes I’m just wondering, how will our kids one day solve this question. They will have at least 5 countries and 4 languages mixed up together, so no easy explanation of where are they from, without telling their whole family story. I guess they will be ‘just people’, no country of origin, no nationality, just ‘inhabitants of Earth’ :slight_smile:.


#18

Some posters here mention they are gay up front and have not had problems.


#19

With most guests there comes a moment we have to decide to “come out” or not, but making that decision is just everyday life for all LGBTQ+ :sweat_smile:. Sometimes people all of a sudden ask “So where did you meet?” clearly letting us know “It’s obvious you are a couple :smile:.” I always interpret this as “We don’t mind” so it’s the go ahead to come out. Other people won’t ask anything, so depending on how we feel about them we might or might not disclose.

I can’t remember ever having awkward situations. We mostly have straight couples or girls traveling alone. With a straight man traveling alone or two straight male friends traveling together, I’d be more cautious with my “coming out”. Mainly so they don’t have to feel the ‘need’ to feel uncomfortable.

On my hubby’s profile we have a photo of him, his sister in the middle, and me. That way people can still think I’m married to his sister. It’s a nice cover up when we want to remain in the closet, although it does not explain why I sleep in the same bed with my “brother-in-law” :see_no_evil::poop::rofl:.

I think this mainly depends on where they live.


#20

Oh yeah, he was in Hollywood. Have you heard of a site called Misterbnb? It’s targeted for gay guests and hosts. He used that one a lot and liked it.


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