I love that! Like the line I say about asking people to be sure to wipe up any water on the bathroom floor “so that no one falls or gets hurt” - Obviously I don’t want anyone to fall or hurt themselves, but I really spent too much time (when I did homestay) wiping up floors after many guests.This seems to do the trick.
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Over time, I’ve come up some gems, it would make Macchiavelli proud!
(To be fair, I’m only protecting myself from unfair or unreasonable guest behavior/expectations)
The other one is, when guests ask to use the kitchen even though I’ve said it’s not available (and they haven’t read anything!), I say “you specifically booked a place without kitchen” - so there, it’s on them, not me!
Maybe we must compile all these what-to-says/how-to-say-its in one place…
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That would be REALLY helpful.
Like instead of “Sorry, as$ho&e, that’s not happening” could be “Oh, I’m SO sorry, I thought you’d understood that it’s in the rules that can’t bring strangers and party in my (shared) home at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night.” 
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As a teacher I had to do that for 3 decades. Example: Your son is failing because he’s high all the time = how can we work together to insure Johnny’s success?
Luckily now I have all good guests so don’t have to bother with doublespeak.
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As an ESL teacher (for adults/some teens) we get to, as well. Luckily my students like my bluntness - I’m generally very positive - but once in awhile they get “Your pronunciation sucks but I believe in you” talk. Currently I teach the highest level, so I can say things like that…
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Just wanted to share about my record breaking in-stayer. She literally did not leave the house aside from walks down the street, for two weeks. It was just what she wanted, she said and was one of the sweetest, nicest, dearest guests I have ever had the pleasure to host.
She must have lived on salads and soups the whole time. She was supplied with food.
Grass grew up around her tires. Literally. It looked like an AV, and if it had stayed any longer with the grass getting higher, the neighbors would have started asking me why that car never moved.
Alls well that ends well.
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One of my best fallback lines to students is:
“you think I was born yesterday???”
Always stops them cold.
“But Miss, my teacher always gives me the keys to faculty lounge so I can pop my popcorn! Please give me the keys.”
Answer: You think I was born yesterday???
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Lol! Yeah, I say that, as well. They laugh every time!
I also like to cut them off after they’ve started the “I did do my homework but…” and I say “The dog ate it?” they all understand it and crack up…somehow it either exists in all other languages/the other languages all have a similar excuse.
I also do the “I’m a parent. I can see behind me, so don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing”. I currently have a brilliant 17 year old in my class who likes to laugh all the time. I call him Mister Giggles.
We went to Ireland when the kids were little and I booked a couple nights at the “resort” of Tramore so they could have some beach on the trip. When we got there I realized that anyone with any money went to the Mediterranean for vacay, and this was a total working class holiday. There was a little amusement park that the kids loved, a fish & chips shop, and a teeny pub in the bottom of our teeny hotel where we heard some fine dance hall type music and singing (no sense trying to sleep as they were right below our window anyway!), with the guests participating enthusiastically. Actually one of the best memories of the trip.