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A highly-rated guest just left our house. She was a brand-new widow with two children, ages 5 and 8 (the eight-year-old is autistic). Her husband passed away just three weeks ago and she wanted a place to rest, grieve and give her children a bit of respite. She brought another adult with her to help out with the kids.
She pretty much stayed in her bathrobe and was extremely soft-spoken with her children. It was obvious she was struggling through grief.
When she checked out, I found the house a disaster. Trash overflowing, toys everywhere, dirty carpet, etc. I think she just couldnāt gather the energy to straighten up even the tiniest bit.
I decided not to review her. Since she has about seven five-star reviews, I am chalking this up to the paralysis of grief. But Iām curious as to what other hosts would have done.
999 times out of 1000 I would agree with Rolf - every guest should be reviewed.
If this poor lady had truly been widowed just a few weeks ago, then I have total sympathy for her.
But personally, I would review her. Iād explain that because of her grief she wasnāt aware of the proper Airbnb protocol, but that you sympathised with her situation.
In the very unlikely event that she was scamming you for some reason, your review will indicate to others that the grieving widow thing isnāt going to work.
If she brought another adult to help her out with the kids, it seems like between the 2 of them they could have managed the 5 or 10 minutes it would have taken to tidy up, grief or not.
Absolutely. The additional adult could have taken out the trash at least. Considering the situation the guest was in, I would have been more lenient on the cleanliness but a couple of tasks should have been possible, especially with the second adult.
I try to keep my personal and business separate but I do sometimes use the business for political/personal/charity reasons. For example, if I wanted to help this woman, I might comp her stay. But the review is FOR YOUR FELLOW HOSTS. What if Iām a grieving widow who is barely dragging through the day and who needs the money and this woman comes to MY PLACE next. She only has good reviews and now Iām stuck with this disaster. And the same in the other direction. I wouldnāt expect a guest to give me a good review if I rented out the place in substandard condition because I was a recent widow.
I was stumped when you first asked for opinions from other hosts, but after thinking about it for a couple of days, Iāve decided I would do a review where I would describe the events and then say something like
"This guest was cleanly and visibly overwhelmed with her grief during her stay with us, and I am glad we were able to provide her with a place of respite to help her heal ā which was the purpose of her visit. She was in crisis, and I understand if she was unable to meet the cleanup obligations we normally expect from our guests, and forgive her for the mess left behind.
This forgiveness does not extend to her adult companion, whose negligence and failure to clean up the mess created by her group is unforgivable. "
Then Iād give her a 4 for cleanliness and a 5 overall ā deliberately cutting her some slack as my response to her grief ā with a note in the review to other hosts explaining my five-star decision.
Iām pretty sure that describing their grief is the absolute wrong thing to do.
It is important to focus on their stay and experiences rather than their personal health issues. Discussing someoneās mental trauma or health challenges in a review can make the guest and their family uncomfortable and could potentially lead to your review being removed. Keep the feedback relevant to the stay and avoid delving into sensitive personal matters.
Quite the ethical quandary. I tend to think your original instincts were the correct ones. Because this has to sit right with you. Itās not your place to out her personal story. But I would definitely write her directly to say you have elected not to review her under the circumstances despite being shocked by the condition she and her companion left the place and your obligation to protect future hosts. That you are trusting her that the break youāre giving her will result in her not repeating that neglect and treatment of a hostsā home in the future. Her response also might influence your decision if there is still time to review.
I think I would review, tell the facts of what happened but be compassionate & generous, esp as she had stellar reviews before. Grief can be horrifically crippling - I would be keen as another potential host to know there may have been this huge reason for the change in her normal behaviour as a guest. Its personal but relevant. And we should be compassionate and forgiving on occasions such as this, otherwise its an even sadder, harsh world. Hosting is a business, kindness does cost but in this case I would call it a worthwhile sacrifice. (I would also give the friend some slack who was there to give support to a very debilitated grieving mum & coping with small children, one of whom is autistic. Yes, I would have been peeved about the overflowing trash, but who knows what it was like for them?? Iāve counselled many grieving folk whose basic lives have āgone to trashā for a while after death & then its no picnic for close friends either.
āDue to a personal situation, Julie needed rest during her stay and had the foresight to bring along another adult to assist her and watch her children. Unfortunately, her companion was not up to the task and our home was a disaster when they checked out, with overflowing trash, a dirty carpet, toys everywhere [etc].ā
I would not use phrases like āwasnāt up to the taskā or adjectives like ādistressingā, as those are personal interpretations.
I think the host should just stick to straight up facts.
āJulie said she was booking because she needed a rest and change of scene due to a personal matter she was dealing with. I was happy to accommodate her, her children and her friend- unfortunately I was faced with a big mess after they checked out- overflowing trash, toys strewn everywhere, and a very dirty carpet.ā
"I was happy to accommodate Julia, her children and her friend- unfortunately I was faced with a big mess after they checked out- overflowing trash, toys strewn everywhere, and a very dirty carpet.ā
This will remove the āpersonalā part which will surely get the review removed if the guest requests it from airbnb.
If I was the guest, I would have done one of two things. If I was telling a host about my personal situation, I would say something like, āItās been hard for me to put one foot in front of the other and I want to let you know that I might not be up to my usual standards when I stay in someone elseās home. I would like to stay and Iām willing to pay an extra cleaning fee. Please tell me how you feel about that.ā Or if I did not realize until after the stay that I really did not have the emotional or physical energy to tidy up, I would have left a note or had my friend leave a note apologizing with some extra money for cleaning. At the very least, I would have checked out early since I know that some hosts have more guests coming that day. It sounds like this guest and her friend who should have been covering her shortcomings during this time, did not consider the host. I would write a tactful but honest review. Since the guest brought up her emotional state with the request, I see no problem in bringing it up in the review. It seems to me that the only reason a guest would bring that up is because they are anticipating leaving a mess. Now, knowing me, during the day, I probably would have been bringing them all kinds of comfort food, and offering to babysit one night. But that does not release them from the obligation of being good guests.
agree with this - the balance I would try to strike. Not easy.
