How to review a "meh" guest you want back (yes, there's a bit more to it)

[muddy]

@casailinglady

I’m not going to slam her in the review or make personal comments like passive-aggressive or sociopath

I certainly wasn’t suggesting you refer to her as such in a review.

And I wasn’t suggesting that she’s a sociopath. My point was that “nice” means very little. Anyone can speak sweetly in order to win people over and get them to accept their rude behavior. Words are cheap- actions are what matter.

[casailinglady]

@HostAirbnbVRBO

I do recommend that you create a scheduled pre-check-in message in Airbnb, if you haven;'t done already, that says something like “

Thanks but, I’ve been doing this for 5 years. I have all the messages, info, and as an in-home host, daily communication over coffee, lunch, dinner, or wine in the evenings. I have updated word documents that I print out in protective sheets and they’re put down on the desk in the guest room and I send Messages and I speak to them in person. Short, to-the-point bullet points without a lot of fluffy verbiage. That’s all thanks to many of the people here.

This is willful on her part and at this point my issue is how I’m going to word her review so that not only she but other hosts know that she doesn’t recognize boundaries unless she’s pushed them too far and that she only half-heartedly cleans up after herself and Just. Doesn’t. Listen.

This is Florida yet she left her shoes outside on the porch overnight. Bugs. Feral cats. Racoons, Spiders and Snakes. All or any could have come up to her shoes or lain in wait in the shoe. Something she’s been repeatedly told about.

Still tries to eat in her room and only didn’t have her lunch there today because as I was walking to the kitchen to get my lunch, I saw her heading through the great room to her side of the house with her lunch and she jumped about a foot and mumbled “It’s OK, I’m eating in the bedroom.” She saw the expression on my face and went to the lanai table.

I told her that I’d charge her for the exterminator but I don’t think she believes me.

@muddy

Words are cheap- actions are what matter.

We’re saying the same thing but with different words.

[muddy]

Something like, “While XX was verbally polite and pleasant, she repeatedly took food and meals into the bedroom, completely ignoring my ongoing requests not to do so. There was also an issue of her not bothering to clean up after herself in the shared kitchen. Due to her refusal to comply with a simple request, and lack of respect for others in shared spaces, this guest is not suited to a home-sharing situation.”

[HostAirbnbVRBO]

I’m so amazed that you let her stay.

It looks like you are two steps ahead of me on communicating. Hopefully enough communications are ON THE PLATFORM to evidence your communication.

But by your actions (inaction) you are allowing this to happen.

[dpfromva]

The kind of guest who makes me a bit bonkers is one who gushes and effuses, “Oh, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to stay in your wonderful place!”

Then proceeds to ask for/about stuff or for rule exemptions. Can I check in early? Can my cousin come and look at the suite first? Can I bring my cat? Can I have – extra butter, more towels (there are 10 of each kind of towel and a 10 day max booking), bottled water . . . ?

Frequently accompanied by explanations of why whatever it is they want is so very, very important to them and would be so helpful.

No. No. No. And no.

This technique must work under some circumstances or they wouldn’t use it. Thing is, If they weren’t so smarmy to begin with, I’d be more inclined to help out or bend on some things.

“Looking forward to my stay. Is early check in available?” “I can accommodate that.”

I realize this is irrational, petty and a waste of mental energy on my part. Maybe I should change my nickname to “The Crabby Host.” No responses required and thank you for the opportunity to vent.

[aelilya]

@dpfromva

I realize this is irrational, petty and a waste of mental energy on my part

No, @dpfromva!!! I had EXACTLY what you described back in Oct. (see link below)

I wish I could show you the text messages. They got on my nerves so bad I had to cancel them the day of their arrival. In fairness, it was primarily because I had an emergency.

BUT, if they had NOT been all that you described, I would have allowed them to stay. However, they were setting me up for misery and, I suspect, a major discount/free stay. I just couldn’t do the fam emergency and them at the same time.

Had to cancel same day stay

Set stage 1: I had a checkin at 3pm today. I was over there yesterday w/ a handyman tightening somethings up for a few hours. Thank you note is on the counter. Extra supplies added (see below). Apple Cider doughnuts in the car ready to drop off. Got a call yesterday - emergency surgery today for parent (although parent now wavering due to fear) - no details for privacy but it’s bad and must convince parent to proceed (working on that now). So, full plate this weekend and maybe emergency trip…

[muddy]

@dpfromva Those sort of guests you describe seem really immature. They sound like kids going to stay with the parent they don’t live with daily and see seldom. Except for kids, it’s normal behavior. Coming from supposed adults, it’s super annoying.

“Oh Daddy , I’m so excited to come visit! I love the room you fixed up for me that you sent the photo of! Can we go get some pink fluffy pillows to put on the bed? Can we go out to Chucky Cheese while I’m there? I really want to go to the water slides, and can you buy me a horse? I love horses now and really want one.”

[NordlingHouse]

Passive-aggressive egotist. I’d give her 3s.

[casailinglady]

@Rolf

Be honest and detailed,

I know. I’m just trying to find more diplomatic words than "Guest was a has lousy communication skills, assumed early check in and late check out, is a professional gaslighter who continually broke HR even though this at-home host answered their questions in 3 pre-arrival messages (their communication mode), and 3 times daily when guest asked for permission/forgiveness for being a slob who ate in the bedroom (Florida. Bugs. Exterminator $$).

I’ll be assessing her the $80 for the exterminator visit due to the food packets (I took pics)

Now before anyone asks, I always ask the guest if I can go into their room and refresh the filtered water bottle and clean the water glass. This gives me an opportunity to address any concerns, like wet towels on wood furniture or hanging over the closet door right. next. to. the. hooks. And to vacuum up the potato chip crumbs in the bed and on the floor. #Bugs.

I’m going to need the wordsmiths after this and I’m sure I’ll get a less-than-stellar review, but that’s OK. With luck, this host (SH!!!) won’t review me and will hope I won’t do the same. Ha.

[JJD]

@casailinglady

I’ll be assessing her the $80 for the exterminator visit due to the food packets (I took pics)

I might’ve missed it but did she actually attract pests with the food? Like there were ants on her leftovers?

Do you have a contract with a pest control service? If you have a contract, they come seasonally and then any other time you need them, for just one annual price. It shouldn’t cost you extra for the visit.

[casailinglady]

@dpfromva

The kind of guest who makes me a bit bonkers is one who gushes and effuses, “Oh, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to stay in your wonderful place!”

Then proceeds to ask for/about stuff or for rule exemptions.

Never even asked. Buried the statements in messages.

When told NO in messages, went dark for days. Days.

@dpfromva

Frequently accompanied by explanations of why whatever it is they want is so very, very important to them and would be so helpful.

No. No. No. And no

Their emergency is not cause for me to move my boundaries.

@dpfromva

I realize this is irrational, petty and a waste of mental energy on my part. Maybe I should change my nickname to “The Crabby Host.” No responses required and thank you for the opportunity to vent.

This forum is for venting and advice. I’m glad I have a couple of days between her and the next guests. #reset

@muddy

Coming from supposed adults, it’s super annoying.

She’s in her 40s. I weep.

@NordlingHouse

Passive-aggressive egotist. I’d give her 3s.

Nail on head and I was at 4* until I went in and found the makeup smeared damp towel hanging from the wooden closet door. I have SIX black makeup towels in the bathroom. And they’re embroidered with the word MAKEUP on them. And instead of using the towels on the rack, she’s grabbing a new one daily from the linen closet. Can’t wait to ask her why.

[casailinglady]

@JJD

Do you have a contract with a pest control service? If you have a contract, they come seasonally and then any other time you need them, for just one annual price. It shouldn’t cost you extra for the visit.

I live in Florida. #Bugs. I have it in my HR that if I find them eating or have food in the bedroom, they’ll be charged $80 for the exterminator. Bugs don’t always show up instantly (because I come in and clean), I think there are greasy hand prints on the headboard.

I have a contract and they do come for touch-ups, but only up to 30 days. They come quarterly. They used to come monthly but their diligence paid off and now I don’t need them that often. It’s Spring and the bugs are back.

[Rolf]

@casailinglady

Guest was a has lousy communication skills, assumed early check in and late check out, is a professional gaslighter who continually broke HR even though this at-home host answered their questions in 3 pre-arrival messages (their communication mode), and 3 times daily when guest asked for permission/forgiveness for being a slob who ate in the bedroom (Florida. Bugs. Exterminator $$).

A good start at an honest review. As a host deciding on this guest, this gives me a lot to think about.

[casailinglady]

@Rolf

A good start at an honest review.

Thanks. Any help is appreciated. You should have seen the 4 paragraphs of a rant that I deleted before hitting the Reply button!

I’d like to sound more professional and polished, but I’m … irritated… and am feeling petty.

[aelilya]

@casailinglady

I’d like to sound more professional and polished

Rev 1.1. What do you thing, @casailinglady?

“We have never had a guest treat our home/us so disrespectfully as X did. X broke house rules repeatedly. Requests to stop and warnings regarding damage fees were ignored. X also demonstrated very poor communication, only willing to exchange e-messages although we are at-home hosts. X often ignored e-messages altogether. X made numerous erroneous assumptions, including early check-in/late checkout allowance, without receiving approval from us. Do NOT recommend.”

[casailinglady]

Thanks, good start. Especially since she ate her leftovers in the bedroom this morning and had more empty potato chip packets in the garbage and smoked in the bedroom (I stepped on her lighter after she left as I was stripping the bed and had smelled the smoke earlier when I was outside - she was blowing it out the window!). And the empty red wine bottles hidden in the closet… And the PURPLE stains on 2 big towels “Oh it’s only my hair dye and it will come out.” Me, “We’ll see, but I doubt it. At least they’re from Costco and I buy in bulk.”

I doubt her review will be stellar - she’ll probably call me a Rule Nazi or something, but honestly, it was so annoying having her here and just constantly doing stuff I asked her not to do.

WOULD NOT HOST AGAIN!!

[Rolf]

@casailinglady

“Oh it’s only my hair dye and it will come out.” Me, “We’ll see, but I doubt it. At least they’re from Costco and I buy in bulk.”

Time to throw this ‘guest’ out. Any one of the infractions would be reason for me to do that - how are you tolerating this and thinking that your response is anything but an open invitation to this ‘guest’ to do this again and again? This person is destroying your place…

[casailinglady]

@Rolf

how are you tolerating this and thinking that your response is anything but an open invitation to this ‘guest’ to do this again and again? This person is destroying your place…

First of all, if you’d read my previous posts, you’d know that I’ve been addressing this daily and I tried - repeatedly - before the guest arrived to use my SH penalty-free IB cancellation and Air refused me twice. They said I’d lose SH for a year (meh), and the dates would be blocked.

I addressed ALL these issues at a minimum of 3 times a day with this person and got nowhere. I tried to cancel via CS and was refused - again.

Seriously, first “I’m not comfortable” as a home share host didn’t get me anywhere and then “Breaking HR - food, smoking, messiness,” didn’t work.

They’re gone as of 11 this morning. Now for my 14 days to review them at the last minute.

ABB did NOT have my back. And they’re a SH as well!!

[aelilya]

@casailinglady

smoked in the bedroom

@casailinglady

only my hair dye

@casailinglady

empty red wine bottles hidden in the closet

I’m so mad for you, I’m speechless. Almost . My husband is always saying his corporate coaches teach, “Try again, 80% fewer words.” So here’s a Rev 1.2 to edit (or toss )

“Smoked (non-smoking home), food garbage strewn about room, hair dye ruined towels, dirty dishes in common areas, ignored multiple requests to follow agreed upon rules - smiling in our faces and then repeatedly breaking them. WILL NEVER HOST AGAIN!

Ok, maybe that’s only like 30%, but it’s a start

[casailinglady]

@aelilya

Ok, maybe that’s only like 30%, but it’s a start

Getting there! I have literally written paragraphs and deleted them.

"Guest flagrantly broke agreed upon House Rules even after daily reminders when caught breaking them (I’m not the rule police; I felt like I was dealing with a defiant 8 year old testing boundaries, very uncomfortable). Told us they were coming early and checking out late; didn’t read information about the area so all restaurants were closed and we gave them a late-night snack.
Smoked in non smoking home, food garbage and empty wine bottle strewn around the bedroom (no eating in the bedroom), hair dye and makeup on towels (ruined), towels hung up on wooden doors despite lots of hooks and towel rods in the bath, didn’t clean up after themselves, smiled and lied about agreeing to the rules. Unapologetic guest. NOT suited to home share hosting and better off in a hotel.