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Please share your funniest!
For me, the sum total of the message:
“What’s the $ 121 fee, and do you get there from Miami, and, we need to rent a 4x4.”
Well it’s nice to meet you, too! Luckily I learned early on that booking inquiries are often sent by people too cheap to buy a Lonely Planet.
Just got this one… Three weeks during December, including Christmas week, my peak rental period. No other intro than:
How far is the unit from KOA airport?
Nice to meet you also!
I’ve had a look through my messages and this was my ‘best’!:
“Looking for a place to stay in perth for 4 night cheking in on thr 6th july chking out 10 of july”
then I confirmed the dates were available and asked all the usual questions… the reply was this:
“Let us know the rate per night and how can the payment be done”
Obviously they send out a bunch of requests 'cos the last message was this:
"I lost track on which property can u point to us or give me thr picture again. ? Or show us how to find your house "
Urghhhhh
My least favorite so far has been “gotta room?”
This is how to write an inquiry:
Hi Sandy! We are fellow Airbnb hosts, as you can see, and call Austin, TX home. We do a lot of traveling in our RV (thanks to our house being on Airbnb!), and are presently plugged into Fort Collins for the summer. We have friend visiting (from Austin via Toronto) for a couple weeks, and want to show him the more outstanding parts of CO, Boulder of course being tops on that list. Doing so in our RV would be far less comfortable and logistically difficult than staying at an Airbnb, so we are excited about the possibility in staying at your impressive townhome while in Boulder. We are all working professionals in our 40’s (one computer scientist, a major account manager, and an Operations Manager), and supremely considerate people. Hopefully our 100% 5 star rating as both hosts and travelers help to support this claim. My wife Lorraine will likely be working during the day (Boo!), so we not only appreciate your location being near all the “action”, so to speak, but also that it’s in a quiet neighborhood, along the lines of our home in Austin. Steve and I also appreciate it’s on the end of town towards all the hiking trails. Please let me know if you have any questions, otherwise know we are excited about the possibility at staying with you! – Roger “I love parenthesis” Gordon
My response:
Hi Roger. Best inquiry ever! Thank you! You got it – sending an acceptance now so you’re all set. I will send you a detailed email two days prior to your arrival. Safe travels. Sandy
Yes, basically those are ones without ‘hello/goodbye’ or people who totally do not understand how the system works and don’t react on my recommendation to call Airbnb if they have any questions about the system.
Gotta love mobile devices!
So few and far between… thanks for sharing!
Same - January for three weeks (yeah right!), our highest season ever!
“Absolutely let me change your diaper for you!” 
Thanks for sharing.
Please send these guests to me when you are done with them!
I was in Italy when they were here so I didn’t get to meet them but my cleaner said they left the place in awesome shape and they left me a wonderful review 
You can’t glean everything from an overly friendly inquiry, spiced up with jokes. That’s exactly what my Alberta guests did and they were horrible horrible guests and rank as my second worse ever. I was led astray by their friendliness in their inquiry.
I can beat that one:
“Tourism”
(Standard inquiry used by Arab guests)
Booking enquiry for one guest in a small 2 bedroom apartment - ‘Hi! I’m Txxx. My friends and I want to find a place to play games or cards. Maybe 15 people. I promise you no crazy party and alcohol. Just relaxing game for us to know each other better. So can I book your place for one day?’
@Perezo @konacoconutz, @Chris Dave and other hosts; frankly, I don’t mind the cryptic messages. It’s certainly nice when potential guests/guests write a bit more, but I don’t expect much. I don’t even mind questions such as “how do I pay you?” or other requests for information. I guess I deal with such long messages in my regular work that short and sweet (or not so sweet) message is all I need.
I get some heartfelt long messages, and some cryptic ones, different folks, different strokes. The most annoying one is: “we want to stay from the 24th-28th, how much would that be…?” See what Airbnb quoted you! That is why some of us do use Airbnb, so we don’t have to haggle over price.
I had one of my oddest ones just last week. It’s for early Oct. and it’s unusual for me to get requests this far in advance.
“Dusty, Greetings! We are the xxxxxx’s from xxxxxx, VA.
We will be driving into El Paso on xxx and wanted to touch base before we booked.
We like your layout and wanted to make sure the photo was representative. Pretty sure it is but had to check.
We are new to AirBnB and just being careful.”
Ok, great. I’m slightly annoyed that after 130+ 5 star ratings you want to know if my photos are accurate. But you did say you are new so deep breath and reply:
“No problem, xxxx, Always good to be careful. Could you be a bit more specific about what your areas of concern are?”
He says:
“I saw a picture of a nice sized bed with a quilt on it and I saw a picture of what looked like a smaller bed. Since it will be me and Bonnie I wanted to make sure we would be sleeping in the lsrger one.
Unless I simply missed something. Thanks for the quick reply.”
Me:
"Ok, I think you may have confused my listing with another hosts. My guest room only has one full size, or what some people call double size, bed. There is not a second or smaller bed. It’s a fairly small room about 10x11 with space for luggage in a kind of nook. There’s a small desk in a kind of entryway and an ensuite bathroom. All of this is shown in my main lead picture. Let me know if you have other questions. "
While I’ve been waiting for his answers and trying to figure out his problem I check his “wish list for El Paso” which has 17 saved listings. This is the only thing that makes this story even slightly interesting. The room he’s described as mine is his first saved choice and it’s in JUAREZ, MX.
His first three saved rooms are in Mexico.
I’m torn between declining this clueless fellow and messaging him to tell him “not to book a room in Juarez.” I also want to tell him I see the listing he’s confused me with but I don’t really want to let him know we internet stalk our potential guests and/or we can see their wish lists.
His replies
“Thanks for the clarity. Will book shortly.”
and
“I see what it was…the i mistook the photo of the new Nest Bedding for a separate bed.”
That’s not even a good lie. Only a dolt would confuse two pictures of the same bed, one bare and one covered, with two different sized beds. Anyway, he booked and I’m not looking forward to it. I hope he doesn’t get here and think it’s a full self contained apartment like the last older couple I had.
BTW, if you’ve read this far, no one should book in Mexico because you need a passport and the lines on the bridge are sometimes hours long. The Juarez listings show up in an El Paso search and surely some people have already been burned.
After I asked to tell me more:
I am retired and just out of a very bad marriage. My son is looking for a house for me in Miami beach but it will be awhile. Love of my life, my friend, my lover and mother of my children and grandchildren just passed away and I am left heartbroken.
Now you know more about me.
Is he telling me that he led double life and fathered children with his “other wife”?? Or I did not understand correctly?
Yes, I’m confused. Maybe his ex who he regrets leaving died and he left the current wife? Weird. Give us updates 
