Bad vibes from guests

So we got back to hosting in our house (a single en-suite room) this spring after a year off due to the pandemic. I was feeling really generous in getting things going again and responded with a yes to a guest who wanted 6 days instead of our four-day limit. And yes, I understand again why we established that limit.
Wife was extremely pregnant and they were here for a “babycation” before reality sets in. She seems really depressed and tired and is outside on the phone sobbing, later apparently banishing hubby from the guest room, so he’s basically sitting in the living room until late in the eve, trying his best to convey that all is okay. There were two such incidents where he took up residence on the couch.
It’s okay for guests to use the deck and living room, so technically he wasn’t doing anything wrong, aside from yucking the place up with icky vibes.
I felt it wasn’t my place to get in the middle of things, but the unspoken vibes between those two was palpable, making me really uncomfortable in my own house.
I left a short, neutral review and hit the no-thanks button when asked if I’d host them again.
Anyone else have these encounters with in-house guests, where technically they’re not breaking rules but their relationship is so toxic that it’s really unpleasant to have them around?
What I really wanted to do was stage a brief intervention and tell them how much they suck, but such are fantasies.


We’ve had couples stay here (home share with us) who were clearly having arguments. We’ve been aware of tension between them.

I think we’re more lenient than you were. I’ve never given a guest a bad review for being in a rotten mood or in the middle of an argument. I wouldn’t say “never again” to such guests, either—unless they were screaming, violent, etc.

My husband and I have had disagreements while guests stayed here. We just soldier on, concealing as much of the disagreement as we can. We hope to keep such rough spots concealed from guests, but I can’t say for certain we’ve always done so.

People are people.


Exactly. I hosted in my home for many years (pre-Airbnb - four guest rooms) and the fact is that in the hospitality business, we have to take the rough with the smooth. I do feel that it may be that the guy was dealing with a super-hormonal woman and might not have deserved a neutral review and a thumbs down.


While I agree with all the compassion for the situation, in home share people should sleep in their room, not on the couch, in another guest room or in their car in the driveway. And if you wouldn’t host again, you wouldn’t host again.

I have written reviews where I said “guest x did such and so and while it wasn’t a problem for me, it might be for another host.”

I had a woman who was here with her young adult daughter for two nights. The daughter was gone most of the day and the mom spent virtually all day on my front porch smoking. She probably went through 2 packs. She wasn’t violating any rule but I had to keep my front door closed. Still, the smell was in my house. So I wouldn’t host that woman again though her daughter was fine.


2 years ago on our 1st 4th of July we had a couple that were in a fight come. They left and threatened a bad review due to an imaginary rodent. It turned out it was part of their m/o to fleece the host and was a bad blackmail experience for us that eventually was escalated to Air c/s and resolved in our favor.

Another guy got shafted by his girl, who told him while here that she wanted her ex back. He wrote a very sad note in our guest book.

Almost everyone else has been on exemplary happy behavior, except the pregnant couple that thought it was too hot in August. They didn’t close all the windows to be cool enough with a/c! . We are not in home hosts , but on property.

I fought saying this but …just …had…to say it.

My first thought is chronic disease. Dear friend. MS. Smoker prior to diagnosis. She would use one to light the next.

It seems common anyone who was a smoker before a chronic illness diagnosis like MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, crohn’s etc. will increase smoking as disease progresses. They are unconsciously seeking the energy boost nicotine can give.

I wonder if that was her core issue.

I don’t smoke anything on a regular basis but 2 or 3 times a year my Chardonnay NEEEEDs a cigarette or three and I really enjoy it. (If 6-8 cigarettes a year are my demise, so be it).

I don’t claim to understand every smoker’s motivation, I’m just thinking out loud via text.

The smoking itself is a disease. I’ve been around multiple people, including my dad, who didn’t quit as they died a little more each day and it gets to the point where they can do little else. He’d take off his oxygen, shuffle out to the garage to smoke, shuffle back in.

Regardless, it made for a very unpleasant 36 hours.


Actually, the review itself is ever so slightly on the upside of neutral: “X and X left the room in very clean condition and they were quiet and respectful of house rules. They really seemed to enjoy the mountain atmosphere.”

But I did hit the no button when asked by Airbnb. It was the first time in more than 400 guests.

And hormonal, yes. It was probably too late in the pregnancy for them to have much fun. As a former employee of a lodging company, I’ve seen so many travelers look at vacations as a means to make things right, but underlying stuff comes to the surface instead.


Vacations, getting a dog, having a baby…anything to distract from dealing with the problem.


I’m sure it was an unpleasant 36 hours. I would be hard pressed to tolerate it and smoking most times doesn’t bother me.

About people not quitting: there’s a point when it doesn’t make much of a difference if they quit. The damage is done.

Quitting does help them make the most of the breaths they have left.

While I occasionally enjoy one, I wish people didn’t smoke. Cigarettes are addictive & create deadly health problems.