I’m not entirely understanding the situation either. If the guy was nice, and described by you as the house manager who lived there (also confirmed to be so by Airbnb), what exactly do you mean when you say you had ‘no real host to be found to figure things out’? What did you need to figure out?
I assume you were after a room that was a good deal, not easy to get in LA centrally without being willing to sacrifice somewhere. To me it sounds like you may have not done due diligence with your research on the room, and made some assumptions you shouldn’t have.
i’m going to make an assumption now, and that is that you got your refund for the night based on the ‘vermin’ call, which is a well known way to get an Airbnb refund. I’m sure you’re not lying about seeing cockroaches, but then you’re in California, and while I haven’t lived in Cali, any time I have lived in a temperate environment and especially nearer to the coast, roaches are going to happen to you at some point, no matter how meticulously clean you are. Your neighbors, or even last guests might not be so on top of things, and boy do they get out of control quickly - especially the small German type. In fact, we live on the east coast, but even so, we once had an outbreak of German roaches after some studio/ guesthouse guests brought some along in their suitcases. They were not easy to get rid of, even though we got right onto it. It was one egg sack that suddenly birthed hundreds of them. This is just to explain how the roach thing really can happen to anyone as we’ve been hosting on Airbnb for over three years and have never once gotten less than five stars for cleanliness from anyone, even the most hard to please guest. That’s not to say they aren’t gross because I despise the things, but was the home really unkempt and filthy, or could this have been an unfortunate issue carried in by another guest?
Another thing to mention is I manage almost everything on Airbnb because I have more time, and just my pic is up (keep meaning to change it to us both), yet my husband who is spoken about if you read ‘about us’ will occasionally do the late check ins. He does the breakfasts so checks in with guests in the morning. I will let guests know if he will be checking them in, however, I can see how it could be legitimate for the woman you were messaging with to be in a simply administrative role in regards to the house. It surely wouldn’t have been difficult for you to have found out, either. With 6 guests staying at a time, I can only imagine there were some reviews for you to read which would have been revealing of how things were set up there if the listing failed to mention anything. Reviews tend to be great like that. If other guests were surprised about anything, but not upset to the point that you and your daughter were they would no doubt have mentioned any issues. Did you not check any reviews?
Regarding the shared bathroom, if the price is good enough many guests are happy to put up with an inconvenience such as this, particularly younger guests. We have a home with many rooms, but it is not inexpensive $150-$170 per night, and I don’t tell guests how many other guests are staying in my home (I don’t typically accept more than 6 strangers or three couples, but can easily fit eleven friends). I’ve never had a problem with this as a superhost. In fact people excitedly ask who else might be staying. I simply can’t think of why you have a problem with it either. You only booked a room, not the entire home, or the host.
The rooms who share a bathroom (no more than two rooms per bathroom) it is written in the listing, and I expect them to read it properly. So far we have had no issues with strangers sharing a bathroom (except for me when there’s gross inconsiderate guests who leave a pigsty who I have to try to get in and clean up between them like little kids).
As far as I can tell right now, it seems that you are unhappy because you expected too much for too little, but I await for further details. Things aren’t adding up with your description of events, and I would like to understand why you felt you couldnt ask the nice man managing the home to help you figure out what you felt you needed to figure out.
Regarding your interpretation of Airbnb almost like a dating service for hooking up hosts and guests, I think you have it unfortunately quite wrong. It is the room you are booking, and you were quite lucky to have a nice host on hand. I am baffled by your reaction to his being male. A nice person is a nice person, I would have thought. I am more than sure that if you were that concerned that your hook up with your host go well that some reviews would have given some extra info on that. I may be wrong here, but I’d love to hear how.