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We really are parsing this, interesting. If a guest told me they broke a wine glass, stains would not be that surprising.
I would not characterize this guest as “nice.”
“Guest followed the rules. Seemed to enjoy joking and talking about explicit stuff, TMI in my opinion.”
I was thinking of adding “Left stained sheets,” but that could certainly be misinterpreted.
Now I’m wondering if he dropped the glass to get the poor host to come into his room!!
Reminds me of a recent visit to my elderly father’s retirement community. I was taking a walk and saw a neighbor in his yard, said hello and that I was so-and-so’s visiting daughter. “Oh, are you the lady looking for a dirty old man?” “No,” I replied flatly, with my best Mom Death Stare. “Nobody has a sense of humor anymore,” he muttered as I walked away.
That’s what I don’t understand either. What part of there being small shards that can’t be picked up by hand relates to not wanting to host a guest again? Was it that he never mentioned that there were still small shards, so the host could have offered clean-up equipment or cleaned it up herself? Was it that he didn’t ask for something to clean it up with? Was it that he broke a glass? If a guest told me they had broken a glass, I would just assume there were more shards that needed to be vacuumed up, even if the guest were to say they think they got it all. I would be concerned about them stepping on a tiny piece in bare feet.
@dpfromva I love the story about the old guy in the retirement community.
I used to live next door to an elderly couple who let a friend and I use the back part of their property behind their shed to grow a veggie garden. One day my friend lay down and fell asleep there for awhile, then woke up and continued working.
Shortly the old man wandered back there. You have to picture him- he was short, pear-shaped and bald with a huge bulbous nose and had a voice that sounded just like Disney’s Goofy.
He said, “I noticed ya sleepin’ back here awhile ago and I was just wonderin’- are ya open for business?”
My friend thought it was hilarious and gave him some comical flippant answer. He turned around and shuffled off, muttering, “Don’t know why all the girls are so wary of me, I can’t even get it up anymore.”
Just last year my oldest daughter, who’s 50 now, told me she was once at their house when we lived there and she was about 8 years old, and he lured her to the bedroom and asked if she wanted to see his penis. I was shocked and asked her why she never told me at the time, and she said because she didn’t find him scary, just pathetic, so she just left and came home.
Thank goodness your daughter got away safely. You wonder how many little girls that awful man was able to abuse. Unbearable to contemplate. Just horrific.
I don’t necessarily think he had abused any little girls- that might have been the first and only time he tried it, and she said he didn’t touch her, which is why she wasn’t scared, but who knows if he had tried it before or after. He never seemed to leave the house- was one of those old men who don’t know how to really enjoy their retirement- he spent all his time mowing and weedeating the yard, even when it didn’t need it, and splitting and meticulously stacking firewood.
It does really bother me that my daughter never told me at the time, though- I would have marched right over there and given him hell.
It was before the days of the internet, otherwise he probably would have been watching porn all day.
My oldest daughter purposely gave my granddaughters androgynous names. And when my oldest grandaughter was 3 and people used to come up to them in the supermarket and say “Now aren’t you a pretty little girl”, and my granddaughter started acting all coy and cutesy like a little princess, my daughter cut her long curls off and started dressing her in pants and tee shirts when they went out, instead of dresses.
I regret hosting this male guest who had seemingly positive reviews and ratings. However, my experience with him was highly unpleasant. He consistently engaged in explicit and immodest talk, disregarded cleanliness by breaking a glass and leaving shards on the floor, and stained the bed sheets without informing me. His suggestive comments made me uncomfortable as a single female host. Despite his previous accolades, I strongly advise against hosting him in the future.
@dpfromva you have articulated possibilities around behaviour which in and of itself to others may seem innocuous enough but you are spot on that he was testing boundaries during his stay. He was testing with comments, behaviour and spacial proximity etc.
@KenH thanks Ken this is so succinct and to the point. I will leave out the single female part as I do not disclose my relationship status online. Appreciate your response!!
@Vanmep, your comments appear somewhat simplistic about hosting practices. FYI this guest I went over and above for, driving him to pick up his take away food (a 10 minute walk for him) driving him two towns away to catch his Regional train home, made his coffee and breakfast almost daily during the stay. Did all his washing up. I would have loved to check the room for any broken glass but he assured me he had picked it up. I dont go in to guests rooms while they are staying as a rule. Only after he left I saw decent size pieces of glass still on the floor along with other items he didnt bother putting in the bin.
Passive income? I think not. There is risk involved in this situation, the guest walking round barefoot and receiving an injury from glass he did not see, possible intoxication - he did walk smack bang into the security screen door on the way out in the evening with such force that I am glad its a heavy duty one, navigating internal stairs in a two story dwelling etc.
Thats a huge concern for me.
@dpfromva this is only the second male guest I have hosted in about 8 years who has led to concerns. The first one was talking about Tantric sex etc and I kept cutting the conversation (trying to suggest he could do some ‘healing’ on me. I felt some relief knowing one of the people in the group event he was attending in my region so could have given some feedback if necessary.
After he left I phoned him before doing a review saying that the kind of talk he engaged in with me was not suitable with a female he does not know while staying in her house.
His response was something like, well I knew you could handle that type of conversation. With these kind of people speaking up can go in any direction, dismissing the other persons concerns as he did with me, or it can enrage them or lead to further testing of boundaries.
I noticed this recent guest would say something inappropriate and then pause and check out my reaction. I chose neutral for safety. This area of interpersonal relations can be highly nuanced as well as subjective but there is a flavour to it that is sometimes difficult to capture. Thanks so much for you awareness.
Yes, this didn’t come across, at least to me, in your topic post here. It sounded more like you were a bit prudish and were offended to hear a guest mention anything that had to do with sex. You’ve explained it more clearly now and I can understand why you feel you should somehow make this guest’s behavior understood in the review.
As far as the broken glass goes, that seems super minor to me. That he told you he cleaned it all up is immaterial- I would never trust a guest to have cleaned up every shard of a broken glass. And while I don’t normally enter my private guest room during a guest stay, I would do so for something like that. I’d simply say that I needed to go up and do a quick vacuuming because that’s the only way to ensure that there aren’t tiny shards that have scattered.
I had a close friend ask to stay with me for a week, and as I had no bookings that week, I said yes, but that I would need her to help me clean the guest room and bathroom before she left, as I did have a guest checking in that day and it would be too much of a rush to get it done alone. She said of course, no problem.
That day, she came down and told me I didn’t have to clean at all, just put on clean bedding, that she had already cleaned both the bedroom and bathroom. I said great, thanks.
When she drove off and I went upstairs, I found shards of glass under the bed from a glass she’d broken several days before, crud and contact lenses in the sink strainer, plenty of stuff she had totally missed.
And this is someone I know well, whose house I have stayed in, and which always seems super clean and tidy.
There are very few people I know who I would be confident had done a thorough clean-up just because they told me they had. Most people just aren’t that observant or detail-oriented.
Definitely guy bullshit, and even if he isn’t what one would classify as a predator, i.e. it’s just all talk and he doesn’t physically or verbally try to coerce anyone into sex, what Wolle later described about him saying something provocative and then obviously waiting to see her reaction, like he’s testing her, is powertripping creepdom.
So what exactly happens when you put “would not host again” during the review? How would any other host know that the guest was not welcome at some homes?
It might mean that the guest would fail that “Good track record” IB requirement, but Airbnb has studiously avoided ever stating what effect “Would not host again” (or its previous versions- “Would not recommend”, “Would not welcome back”, or thumbs up, thumbs down) actually has, as far as I am aware.
Logically, if a host says they wouldn’t host a guest again, they would also give them low ratings and an review which makes the guest’s objectionable behavior clear, which other hosts do see, but that might not always be the case. Some hosts are reticent to leave negative public reviews or are overly generous with ratings.
Feedback from ‘would not host again’. I carefully gave a factual review and clicked would not host again which generated further questions as to why so i stuck with facts again including use of sexually explicit language and that I was unable to identify the guest who stayed from his profile photo which was of a person who appeared at least 20 years younger. Unfortunately I did not screen shot my answers. Anyway I gave 3 stars for cleanliness and from memory 3 stars for communication as he tried to communicate off platform as well as the ID issue (important to me as an in home host. My review of him is now public and he is still showing up as a 5 star guest. He doesnt seem to write reviews for hosts.
