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Wondering how others hosts would handle - discrimination issue


To be more accurate, it’s a prejudice issue. Discrimination is an action which may or may not be based on race. Prejudice is an attitude. The guest showed by his words that he was racist and prejudiced. Whether he would discriminate against someone in real life is another matter.


Thanks for this clarification @K9KarmaCasa.


I thank you for posting much of what i wanted to post on this subject. After a few glasses of vino I now am not tempted to splurge a tirade of unfathonmable “stuff’ no one can comprehend.

Ps. As hosts we can only witness guests’ behaviour/comments. If we judge it racism, we can disagree or not and decide if we would ever want their like again. We have no right, other than disagreement, to do anything else. FREEDOM OF SPEECH for all, no matter their views.


I stand corrected.

But my suggestions remain the same.


I think freedom of speech is a wonderful thing. But in the context of what goes on under my roof, respect for my home and those who are in it is my expectation.

My story, and I’m sticking to it.


Where are you? Do you live in the south or are you making a judgement based upon sadly overstated stories in the press?

Please realize, you are talking about my people and me. As a Caucasian woman with 2 bachelor degrees (one from a historically black college) and a master’s, I find comments that portray people in this area as bucolic and bigoted troubling. There are people everywhere whether they admit it or not who feel superior to others. Please don’t join them by looking down on me.


I don’t live in the South but the worst examples I’ve personally experienced have been in the South. All in the South, no. The problem with stereotypes is that they can’t be used with individuals, ever. So there might be a trend or pattern in the south but we can’t assume about you because you are an individual. And there are always the anecdotes about other areas. I was in Indiana in 1999 the first time I saw a Klan symbol IRL.

You might find this map interesting.

What I now see as the patteren isn’t regions of the country, it’s rural vs urban. The south is no longer the “solid South” (all Democratic party from 1860-1960); it’s solid R except in cities and areas that are mostly Black.

Anyway the irony is that the OP’s orginal story is set in Maine. No idea where the loud guy was from or the city he was talking about.


Mr Loudmouth was speaking about his time spent in Bridgeport CT 30 some odd years ago.


I had surgery this week, not planned but advised my guests and told them my hubby would look after them.
My children were popping in and out chatting about the guests and making sure the husband was ok.
Both groups left today and both lads mentioned the lady downstairs and how lovely she was. She had told my youngest he was great as he helped make scones for her and the other guests. The other couple were delighted to try home made irish oat bread. Me being bored and nosey was asking questions about them. It was only after check out that the youngest mentioned they were both non white and black. I thought it was nice that not once was colour mentioned by either children or my husband. It was just personality and how nice both groups were. My youngest has no filter yet and i like that he never felt it in any way relevant to mention the colour of guests.
I really do believe that airbnb has helped them to not see colour as relevant to a person. They were exposed to different races, religions and sexuality for 3 years now. They tell me about racist jokes or homophobic jokes kids share in school and they are aware that its not right to make these jokes. We had a lovely gay guy stay about 5 weeks, 2 yrs ago and they still mention him, as they really liked him and we used to go out shopping with him.
Exposing children to a multi cultural society from a young age, breaks down the barriers and fears people have. In Europe, there is growing hatred groups against immigrants, muslims and non nationals. It worries me to see such hatred when you dont even know the person.
I remember seeing footage from usa soldiers liberating the camps after ww2 and in one camp, the officers in charge knew the allies were coming but just gased prisoners of war, jews or anybody who was in the camps. You just see hands underneath the doors trying to escape. This particular camp had about 20 different nationalities and people of all colour, race and religion. Although its pretty horrific to see the footage, its sad to think that people dont learn from our history.
In europe we get people who pay smugglers to bring them in boats from africa, every summer 100’s of people drown in the crossing, even little children. You read comments after the articles in the newspapers and people say things like good ridance, hopefully more boats will sink. I dont understand where this hatred comes from, as an irish person i am well aware of how we have had to flee famine and poverty, other countries took us in and gave our young the chance of life.
Its just a sad state of affaires to see racism and xenophobia alive and growing


There is considerable research that shows that brains are wired differently and some people are just more fear based. That doesn’t mean they can’t learn but those irrational prejudices are just harder for some people to outlearn than others. That’s not an excuse for their behavior of course, just one part of a complicated explanation.

Just as this nation overcame its prejudice against Germans, Irish, Italians, Poles… we will eventually overcome our current troubles. Europe has a different history and a different set of challenges but over time, progress always comes. Always.


“The sons of the fathers!” Chloe - I would hate to be painted with the same brush as my father who was an equal opportunities bigot: no English, Protestants, Jews, Indians or Blacks were to be brought home as potential husbands, to which we could only reply: “What about a Martian, Dad? Would a Martian be OK?” That three of his daughters married, respectively, an Englishman, a Protestant, and an English Jew (me) largely broke down his bigotry - just a shame he didn’t live long enough for the hat-trick: to see his granddaughter shack up with a very nice English/Carribean man. He was a bigot but he bred a family (9 of us) who are rabidly intolerant of racism, and many of us have taken part in anti-racist activism. So don’t punish her for her father’s ignorance - instead give them the review they deserve as guests, including that they were loud if you must (although your husband was partly to blame for that in engaging the guest in conversation and then failing to tamp down the volume - and the racist comments). But do send the daughter a private message about the experience and that this is something she needs to work out with her father going forward.

Also, you took them on as 3rd party guest so colluded with the daughter in this “extra-curricular” from Airbnb stay. BTW, I missed that memo too and recently had a family stay who were booked by their daughter who is a local acquaintance of mine. Luckily I had no complaints. So am grateful to your post for this education on Airbnb policy in this regard.


I agree with you @ClaireHL, and as stated in a previous post, after careful consideration, I left a public review that stated facts, just not all facts, because I am of the opinion that the daughter shouldn’t necessarily be called out for her parent’s behavior.

I left her private feedback letting her know her parents, and hence she, if she continues to book for them, may find themselves unwelcome in other hosts homes, given his racist remarks. I also explained that her dad put me in a difficult situation, given my downstairs guests. I told her that we gladly welcome people of all races, religions, nationalities, colors, ages, sexual orientations and so forth into our home and prefer guests that feel the same.

As well, I’m aware of the 3rd Party Booking policy, but given Airbnb’s rather lax attitude about it, I will most likely review on an individual basis and possibly accept them.


I am so sorry to learn of this for you; how difficult it must have been. People with a dementia revert to their early years and memories in most cases, experiencing, and often living out, what was deemed acceptable at that period in their lives. It can be heartbreaking on many fronts. I’ve known Jewish survivors of the Holocaust believe that their carers are concentration camp guards, whilst other patients have hurled racist abuse at their carers, who are black. In their day this was acceptable but now confused, they are not responsible for how they are reacting, often from fear. Then there’s the dilemma of how to properly support staff on the receiving end, particularly with a black manager demanding that the patient be penalised, that they are cognisant of what they are saying.

Memory Lane again. Said manager gently eased into an early retirement…


I have just left an almost full pint in the village pub next door in disgust. Not the first time I admit; my views are know, I challenge racism in all forms when it raises it’s ugly head. But I have just been attacked full on by someone we know (and dislike) for not agreeing with her rant on Asian shops In Southall (London) opening on Sundays 30 years ago, ffs! The only comment I made was that at least she had somewhere to go on a Sunday then. Didn’t go down very well at all…

Mr Joan has just brought my pint home x


I was about to draw the line at leaving the pint…

but I see all is well.


Very nicely put. Thank you.


Dear Chloe,
First mistake, never accept a third party reservation, especially when they’re staying inside your home. You have no idea what you’re going to get. Just say it’s against your policy due to liability. Second, you can send a message to the daughter explaining what happened without leaving it in a review. Say something like “Your parents are entitled to their own opinions, but I’m not comfortable hosting them again.” Case closed.


I live in the Rocky Mountain region, but have travelled to the south many many times, many different states. I’m not getting my info from the press, but personal experience.

I was not pointing at any individuals! Plenty of wonderful people in the south I’ve experienced as well! Love the Southern Hospitality vibe there.

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