Ok, the story is getting clearer now. You and your hubby have saved the much loved family home from being sold off to strangers. 
You have kept it going in the same style that the family has been used toš
You allow family to continue to visit /stay/host parties forā¦ .
What more could they want from you??
Plenty by the sounds of it. Time to stand firm and not allow for the judgements!
This is your house now, do as you please with it.
(it sounds like a beautiful place too BTW)
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Yeah, thatās precisely IT! And Iāve been struggling with it and trying to keep it to the concrete and not feelings with her. Sheās a pastorās wife in a very legalistic branch of Christianity. Would she have an issue if I worked at a hotel and had unmarried and gay couples coming in to stay, probably. Heck, I worked for Chick-fil-A for years and despite what the media says, it was my experiences there that taught me how to treat all people as a guest and valuable despite your personal beliefs and how others live their lives. But of course, sheās never worked in customer service or had any real interaction with anyone different than her (other than me, lol).
You are tolerant of others, she is clearly not. I know whom I would be friends with. She seems actually very scared of the world. If she was my sis Iād just stop trying to discuss any of this with her and tell her because I love you itās best we agree to disagree on some things.
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(Iām such a sticky beak!)
Councel uses a term with which the bench is not familiar. What the heck does that mean?
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Houses/homes are tied to such emotion. Perhaps you can put together a āhouseā photo album for your sister so that she may visit those cherished memories (in you spare time, of course ā noting that you are a wife, mother, groundskeeper, remodeler, and a host ((and a whole lot more!)). Life is about change and so it is with the life of a house ā¦
I wouldāve simply replied āitās a good thing youāre donāt have to pay the mortgage or live here then.ā Because at the end of the day you own the house, you pay the property taxes/mortgage/water/home insurance. They want a say they can pony up the cash.
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This clearly isnāt about you or the house, as @Maggieroni pointed out. The ego, or as Christians call it, āsin,ā strikes again. As youāve already pointed out to her she has also sinned and would be disqualified to stay in your place by your standard. Unmarried or homosexual doings up there are just as gross as straight Christiansā grossness. Itās so illogical as to be laughable, except youāre hurt and thatās not funny. You canāt control her obsessive thoughts about other peopleās lives which has become quite the pasttime for certain Christians. So for her, staying with your parents is the right solution and meanwhile try not to talk to her about it. As for your brother possibly buying the home in the future and not having psychological issues, maybe you could consult him about some design choices. Still do what you want of course but asking him things like you did the forum āWhat do you think of this bathroom?ā āDo you think it will hurt the re-sale value if we remove the tub?ā might placate him. As for taking care of yourself, just try to let your sisterās judgment go. What you have done for your family is really beyond reproach and the sooner you fully believe it, the better.
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An interiorās designer trick is to show the client three of something, each of which will work, such as three fabrics. So, when you show your brother paint choices, show him three that you like. And, for crying out loud, paint colors are easy to change!
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And my brother now lives in Wisconsin in his own houseā¦ It was just laughable with him āwhy are you painting that room, I just did it 5 years agoā, lol.
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Weāve all heard about families where someone, usually the last grandparent/parent dies and the whole family fells apart. This is such an interesting psychological issue. (Been there, have seen it all - if only my grandparents could see the pettiness and spiritual poverty that their upbringings have shown after their death - especially the ones who have the most of āworldly wealthā.)
I bet thereās more to come to you Sarah as well, so maybe itās for the best that you have to deal with it now already. But I hope it will turn for the best and you can enjoy your home and familylife!
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The hardest part for me is that this is another part of my life that brings me joy that is now taboo to talk about. Ugh. I hate not being able to talk to my family about almost anything now. And they wonder why I donāt want to go to family gatherings. I can seriously link my depression and issues with large groups to family. Oh well, Iāll stick to my friends who are the family I choose.
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I will be your cyber sista!
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Sounds like sis is jealous because she didnāt have the means or motivation to buy the place herself.
I would maybe just put your discussions of the Air and the STR on the down low. Sheās sensitive to the memories of her childhood being tainted by guest turnover. So just donāt talk about it. You donāt have to share all the details of your Air business with anyone.
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Your sister is a narcissist. Hard to deal with those types. Their āfeelingsā always trump yours (yeah, I went there!) and they donāt deal in facts or reason.
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Donāt worry sheāll get used to the idea, and later may start one herself if you start raking it in.
Go ahead with your plans - itās your home!
Sheāll come round eventually!
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If she cares so much about whatās happening in the home she grew up in, then sheās lucky. She knows that her sister is living there happily with her family and managing to create an income. After all, how many people have the luxury of knowing what is going on in their childhood homes? Very few, I imagine.
I lived in three homes growing up and Iāve no idea whatās going on in any of them ā and I really donāt care. I donāt see what concern it is of mine - itās just a house.
Of course, you could tell her that when you bought the property there was another potential buyer who was going to run the place as a house of ill repute 
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Oh dear, are these the ones that show up places like soldierās funerals holding signs?
Because if she is involved with THAT group, they have made a mission out of being disruptive and offensive, and then suing anyone who complains. Controlling others is the name of the game. Iām surprised sheās not at your house every morning picking out your clothes.
Look, if she habitually slams your choices (itās not just a one-time thing) then you can to choose whether you should invite her over. Right now it sounds like she is welcome any time. Maybe if sheās a little less welcome she wonāt see all the things that offend her.
Got to say, nothing quite like eating too much ice cream, venting to sympathetic people, and being placated and affirmed by fellow hosts! Itās amazing how opening a part of your home interferes with all aspects of your lifeā¦
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No, nothing that severe but all about them being right and other branches being wrong and a lot of legislating morality.
Sarah,
I totally understand your frustration with your sister giving you a āguilt tripā. Why donāt you have a family meeting and turn the tables on your family? Tell them that you now realize everyone is so emotionally attached to the house that you think itās only fair if you offer them a chance to buy a share of the house and this way everyone will have control over what happens there.
Present to them the amount you have spent renovating and bringing everything up to code and explain that now, according to a local broker, the house is worth $x, and that you are willing to sell your sister half of the house, or whatever, for half of the estimated value of the house.
Chances are that your sister, and anyone else, will quickly back off and tell you they are not in a position to buy a part of the house.
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