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There are more people on the autism and adhd spectrums than one might imagine. Your guest might have been in one of those demographics. I have a granddaughter who has adhd and one of her behaviors is that she anxiously anticipates scenarios without any basis in reality. So she has a lot of questions and gets anxious and upset about things that haven’t happened and will likely not happen.
Example- I was visiting and staying with my daughter’s family and we had decided to make a picnic dinner and go to the local park on the lake. So my granddaughter, who was about 9 at the time, asks her older sister, “Will you play with me when we get to the park?”
Older sis shrugs and says maybe. So the younger one comes into the kitchen where me, my daughter and son-in-law are making this picnic dinner, laughing, everyone in a good mood, and has a full-blown hysterical crying meltdown about how her sister hasn’t agreed to play with her when we get to the park, so it isn’t going to be any fun for her at all. (Of course her sister played with her, as did other kids who were at the park, and she had a great time)
I read a guest post on another forum where the guest wanted feedback on what questions would be okay for him to ask the host of the home-share he had booked. He listed a bunch of things and was unsure of whether those questions would be appropriate to ask the host- one was if they would give him a walking tour of the neighborhood. I can’t remember the other things, but they were all a bit odd. I answered his post and said for him to please not take offense, but was he perhaps on the autism spectrum, as I got the impression he was generally uncertain as to what sorts of questions and interactions were appropriate? And then tried to answer the specific things he had mentioned as gently as possible. And suggested that if he was, in fact, autistic, it would be a good idea, in a home-share situation, to let his host know that, as it would help to make them more understanding, rather than wondering why he was asking them unusual questions and maybe feeling uncomfortable with him.
He responded that he was indeed autistic and that it was pretty astute of me to have picked that up and thanked me for the answers and suggestions.
There can be real, legitimate reasons for odd behavior or questions that might never occur to us as we tend to expect people to be “normal”.
We had a couple book with us over the winter, and shortly after they checked in I got a message asking if we could turn the heat down. She said her boyfriend had a medical condition that made him overly sensitive to heat. We have a two family flat with radiant heat and the thermostat is in our unit. I turned it down, but then got another message requesting if it could be set closer to 62°.
I ended up going up to the apartment and shutting off the radiator in his room and others around the apartment to help drop the temperature. He was super apologetic and said he was working with numerous Dr’s to try to figure out what was causing this issue.
I was a little nervous about the review, but they left us a wonderful five star review. They even booked with us again a month later, still during the winter. I made sure to have all the radiators adjusted properly in advance.
@muddy Over the years I have met quite a few people that I believe fall on the autism spectrum that would not like to admit it. It is a shame as it would probably make everyone’s life less complicated to be able to recognize and deal with the challenges.
Ah, and in my own life, how many difficult issues could have been rendered impotent had I avoided “anxiously anticipating scenarios without any basis in reality”?
And some people, if they are high functioning, may not even be aware that they might be autistic or have an adhd brain. It’s only relatively recently that those, what they now call neurologically divergent, people are getting recognized as having different brain chemistry and methods developed to teach them and their families to cope with the difficulties it presents.
My granddaughter was 12 before she got diagnosed. She’s lively and intelligent and funny and lots of fun to hang out with, and seems like a normal, high energy, very talkative kid until something sets her off. I could tell there was something amiss- everyone expects a two year old to occasionally have tantrums and meltdowns, but when an 10 year old has what seems like a 2 year old’s meltdown, not even being embarrassed to carry on like that in public, or in front of her friends or classmates, it was pretty evident to me that it isn’t normal behavior.
My daughter was very protective of her and thought she was just “very sensitive” and emotional. But she was disruptive in the classroom and her teacher told my daughter she wanted to have my granddaughter assessed, which was when it was determined that she definitely had adhd.
I’ve had a couple of guests I suspected were on the autism spectrum. Fully functional, not in the least objectionable, but seemed socially uncomfortable, took an extra beat to process verbal communication and reply, had difficulty making eye contact, etc.
Blockquote It’s only relatively recently that those, what they now call neurologically divergent, people are getting recognized as having different brain chemistry and methods developed to teach them and their families to cope with the difficulties it presents.
Actually in the GenZ crowd it’s almost a badge of honour to be diagnosed. My teen daughter is being assessed this week actually, she wants it, and had found it to be very helpful to help her function. There’s a lot of stuff on youtube where people are sharing strategies on how to function “normally”. Interesting times! Like your granddaughter, my daughter is also fun, bubbly and a quirky young woman, we always knew she was a little bit different, probably should have had her tested years ago, but then again, they would have plonked her on medication I think. I feel that this is a better time now.
My granddaughter did go on medication after she was diagnosed, but since she was already 12, it was her choice to take it or not, it wasn’t something she was being given. It was something like Ritalin, but a newer version, that apparently only stays in the system for 8 hours.
So she did take it in the morning during the school week, as she found it helped her focus and she wasn’t always in trouble for being a disruption in the classroom.
But she didn’t take it for long, as it has unpleasant side effects and made her feel not like herself, of course.
It’s only relatively recently that those, what they now call neurologically divergent, people are getting recognized as having different brain chemistry and methods @muddy
and made her feel not like herself, of course. @muddy
Yes, to both of you.
I appreciate ‘neurologically divergent’ not ‘conditions.’
I also think it is a better time now as we’ve come to realize that many of us are on the spectrum of ‘something,’ that there is no ONE best way to be, that how we each see and operate in the world has some pluses and some minuses, that part of our challenge in making our way in the world is to understand that about ourselves, make the most of what we offer and come to love our foibles, quirks and strengths, and feel compassion for ourselves in whatever challenges we face and from that experience feel compassion for others.
And in all that, feel a deep humility that we really don’t know how it is for others and to celebrate, where we can, what they offer.
Except that Airbnb is guest-centric and just cares about money, and those clueless guests – Who do they think they are?? – who won’t read our rules, are entitled and simply don’t appreciate all that we do.
Really, Professor Higgins said it right, albeit about women, but really about anyone not us, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man? . . . Why can’t a woman be like . . . me?” So true.
