My latest problem: how do you deal with guests that immediately you meet them you know it’s going to go downhill from that moment …?
Two young Danish women, here to have a “relaxing weekend” (for them, maybe …) got dropped by the taxi at the wrong house (this is a Google Maps error which we’ve been trying to correct for ages) so I went to collect them, bring them home, then offered to take them to the supermarket because it’s a public holiday next day and the minibus service for our estate wouldn’t be running. During these two journeys they sat in the back, chattering in Danish and shrieking with laughter and did not address a single word to me unless I asked a direct question. Obviously I am only the taxi driver and therefore not worth being polite to …
Thing is, most of the time they didn’t do anything specific that would call for a Bad Guest review - you can hardly put down “Guest looks at me as if I’m stupid every time I speak to her” or “Although like all Danes the guests spoke fluent English, the words Please, Thank You and Excuse Me did not appear to form part of their vocabulary”
Until the third night … it is the big Malaga Feria at the moment, when everyone goes a bit mad, gets drunk etc. so I was expecting a late night and maybe a bit of noise … but not a 5a.m. loud ring at the door because, guess what, they’d forgotten their keys. And THEN, just as I was falling asleep again, loud splashes and shrieks from the POOL! When I went to tell them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of there they explained that they were trying to sober up … they were damn lucky not to drown!!
Anyway, that quietened them down a bit and they did make a kind of apology and when they left the following morning; we breathed a sigh of relief - until we saw their room and THE TOWELS!! Yes, at last I can join the Trashed Towels Club! Quite honestly it looked as though they’d actually applied the make-up to the towels, bypassing their faces altogether. Same with the cushions on the pool loungers, which we guessed had had fake tan applied.
Well, at least they left us most of a bottle of Bacardi and half a bottle of tequila … and, no, of course we don’t charge a Security Deposit and I can’t join the Bad Guest lounge because I haven’t been here a year but … if you should get a request from a Danish girl wearing a bikini on her profile photo who looks as if she’s, er, pleasuring herself - Just Say No!