New host intro with first guest & already it's a 'fun' one

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Hey everyone! This is a combination “new host” and “newbie did I handle this correctly/how to handle for the duration of the stay” type question.

My place is a lovely 2 br/2ba apartment in Washington, DC - I live in the apartment and have the second bedroom and bathroom up on Air. The bedroom is the guest’s alone, and the bath is 85% the guest’s - I keep cleaning supplies etc in the guest bathroom so I do have to go in semi-regularly to grab things. Current ‘rules’ are that the fridge, cabinet, microwave, toaster, and hot water maker are available for short term guests (long-term guests can use the stove etc too). The second bedroom is cozy but nice, and I’m literally steps from some of the best restaurants, bars, and entertainment in the city, and an easy bus/bike/metro/taxi/walk to all of the sights of DC.

And now for the “DId I do this right” portion of the post:

On Thursday midday I got my very first AirBnB potential guest message - someone saying his other Air reservation had been cancelled so he was reserving for the next night. All well and good - though in hindsight I wish I knew why the cancellation so close to a reservation. I confirmed his travel dates, checked that he had reviews (4, all positive - that he was a good guest, friendly, quiet etc). Went ahead and booked him. He had a “pending payment” notification, which I mentioned to him and he fixed.

That night, I got a few weird messages from him - I figured it was just his attempt to be friendly, answered the first one in a nondescript, professional way and ignored the others.

Next day, check-in time. Give him the keys, show him around, He tries to offer to cook, which I very specifically declined (see above RE short-term guests and using the kitchen). He was a little pushy about it, but I just declined again. There were a few other odd comments, but nothing alarming - just strange. I figure some people are strange, meeting them is part of the joy of Air, and move on.

That night, a friend is over and we’re watching TV. He returns for the evening and asks if he could join us, and we said “of course”. In some side conversation about the show, my friend mentions that she works with veterans for the military and has family who served. He got very heated and verbally aggressive, beginning to insult what her family did and her own work - two things she takes an immense amount of pride in. At that point I said it might be best if he spent his evening in his space rather than with us. He (angrily) agreed and stormed off to his room.

Did I handle this OK? Anything I should do for the rest of his stay (4 more nights) to mitigate things? What do you do when an Air guest is being rude to a friend (or yourself?) Of course everyone has different opinions and thoughts - but there are ways to express those views without attacking the other people. The Air guest is paying and I want to be a good host - but my friend is also my guest and deserves the same consideration. If the shoe had been on the other foot and she’d been rude to him, I would have asked her to leave, or at least moved our conversation somewhere else so he could enjoy his evening.

I’m guessing I’ll get dinged somewhere in the review. I’m honestly surprised that nothing was mentioned in his guest reviews! Do hosts basically do ‘good review unless something is noisy or messy’ or…?

TLDR; What should one do when an AirBnB guest is rude/insulting/verging on verbally aggressive towards a friend? Is it appropriate to ask them to vacate common space for a while? Should I be contacting AirBnB (I’m guessing it will be mentioned in the review etc) or let it go as misunderstandings between folks that just happen? Should I mention it in the guest review?

THANKS! And side note, reading this board is one of the things that got me to take this plunge into hosting - knowing there were people around to ask these kinds of questions!

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Heya,

Don’t allow guests into your private space like your sitting room. When you provide a room while living in the same space, they only rent the bedroom from you (maybe bathroom as well ), when I started in airbnb, you just want to please everybody but after a few months you wise up and take the advice of the hosters here. This is a business arrangement and nothing more so don’t allow guests to sit with you and your friend in future.
Put the kitchen access into the house rules and send them before a guest arrives and be very clear about boundaries and if guests access your sitting room. I have a separate sitting room for guests but they still pop down in the family one, so I put smart TV’s in rental rooms and turned the sitting room into a games room/library that they can used by all but am very strict now about access to the family sitting room.

You will get some odd people in your home and that you can’t wait to get rid off but you will also meet some amazing people that you wished would stay longer.

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It’s your place – your rules. These are crazy times, and a-holes react very strangely to the slightest triggers. IMHO the guest was ‘way out of line’ and you did the right thing. You could have called Air and told them you were not comfortable with this guest (and exactly why), and ask that they re-house him.

When it comes time to review, be accurate and truthful, not emotional – reviews are not for the guests, per se, but for us other hosts who might run into this guest.

“Guest was generally well behaved, but opinionated and argumentative when certain subjects came under discussion.”

I know you’re new and you want good reviews of course. But in the long run don’t worry abut them – just be the best host you can be.

I’m not sure I would allow “long term” guests different house privileges than “short term” guests. It seems unnecessarily complicated and somewhat prejudicial. I would just say “no kitchen privileges for anyone”.

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@adigitalnative

I don’t have any suggestions to offer other than what has been stated. I would let Air know you are now uncomfortable with the guest due to that volatile outburst. Personally, the rental money would not persuade me to allow such a guest to remain. If he is as you described, he gives me the heebie-jeebies.

BTW, I wanted to commend you on your clear and comprehensive narrative of the situation. Excellent.

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Hello @adigitalnative

I am sorry to hear that your first visit went so badly.

I wonder if his initial reservation was cancelled because of his bad behaviour?

I think if you don’t offer a shared lounge space, then you should set clear boundaries and confirm this is a private space for you to relax and entertain friends if a paying guest asks.

If you allow guests access then it is slightly more difficult.

I think his behaviour was highly inappropriate, first he tried to overturn one of your house rules by asking to cook, then he became verbally aggressive to your friend. And rather than apologising stormed out when you (rightly) asked him to leave your shared space.

Personally I would contact Airbnb explain you are a women in a shared space and that the guest has made you feel uncomfortable has been verbally aggressive and acted angrily when you asked him to leave your shared space. They should agree to cancel the booking. If you decide to do this have a male friend with you when you ask him to leave.

Yes you may get a bad review but better that than an unpleasant aggressive guest in your home.

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I agree with @Helsi 100%. He sounds off to me.

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How long is he staying? I would get rid of such a person. This is why he was booted from his last place. You don’t need that crap coming into your home.

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Agree, if there’s still 4 days to go, time to get this cancelled.

I’d call Airbnb and say not comfortable, he doesn’t have any concept of personal space or even politeness. @adigitalnative, y ou can possibly even ask Airbnb why his previous booking was cancelled.

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In the future, question anyone who has to be rehomed.

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Thanks for the advice - keep it coming!

I am definitely making some adjustments to my listing and my guest book - making the kitchen info very clear from the outset, etc.@KenH, DC has a highly transient intern/student population, and I’m open to someone wanting to stay for 2-3 months (with a lease agreement because of local tenancy laws) for an internship at the Smithsonian, for example. Someone staying for that long legitimately should be able to use the kitchen more fully - and would also be expected to help with cleaning/trash chores!

I’m not sure how best to make the difference clear to potential guests, just yet.

@cassid, @Helsi, I hear you on the ‘shared’ vs ‘private’ lounge space - unfortunately my second bedroom is pretty small (big enough for the full size bed, chair, and a bookcase but not much else), and I’m in an apartment so there is only one lounge area - the living area of the unit.

He was in New Orleans before he checked in to DC (He mentioned the French Quarter in one of the odd messages), so I don’t /think/ it’s a rehoming situation. I suspect (with no proof) that it was someone who pulled the plug after odd messages, or that his credit card popped up pending verification and the previous host chose to decline the reservation.

He definitely feels off, but for now I’m going to let it lie and keep an eye on things. He’s been very quiet and out-of-the-way today. If anything else tweaks my antennae and I’ll definitely be calling AirBnB about re-homing, but I hesitate to pull the plug for what could partially be some newbie-host-itis. (Not the friend thing, but the general awkward off-feeling).

Thanks! More advice always welcome. And if anyone is looking for a spot in DC, let me know. :slight_smile:

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We might, next year! My son went wi WISH intern housing for his internship and while it was turn key and convenient, literally five minutes walk from the he Hart, they crammed four guys into a quartered off row house. My son was the last to check in and had to take the top bunk of the rickety bunk bed. I told him to pull that mattress down and put it on the floor. He did and always had to smell the stinky socks of the kids in one of the regular beds. It was three grand up front for the semester.

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Depends… I have rescued at least four guests from bad Airbnbs. (Yes, of course, they exist.) All of the “rescues” have left me great reviews, five stars, and were generally good guests. Usually families or older people. It really just depends on why they need to be rehomed. Sometimes they are actually the best guests — they are so grateful to be in a comfortable and well-kept space. Plus I like to think that I’m helping them give Airbnb a second chance.

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Welcome @adigitalnative. I agree with the OPs who have suggested booting this guest. You don’t need this kind of tension in your own home. I would also suggest that you, as a new host, start with 7 night stays or less. This will help you hone your house rules, likes and dislikes, and Spidey senses about guests. Can you imagine if this current guest were scheduled to stay with you 2 to 3 months? The other thing about short stays is you will quickly gain a number of reviews and get the maximum benefit from the new host boost.

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I’m not sure what you mean by “verbally aggressive” but in these times, politicized conversations are getting quite heated, and it might be a good strategy to have a boiler plate response to de-escalate conversations without explicitly having to say, please leave and go to your room.

“Hey, we’ve all just met and let’s not get off to a bad start by talking about something divisive, agreed?”

“I can see we (you) have very strong feelings about these important issues but let’s keep things respectful or move on to something else. What do you think?”

I’m not very good at de-escalation but if I were sharing space like you are (i rent an entire apt) I would def try to have ready responses for situations like this.

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I agree that hosts cancel for a variety of reasons; usually not because they are uncomfortable with the guest. Our guest who just left was cancelled on by the host of the first listing she booked. She and her son were delightful guests. I asked her why the other host cancelled. She said that they scheduled construction work on the listing.

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Yes, you not only handled this okay you did everything as well as anyone could. Good for you for having the courage to stand up for your friend.

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Well, should have gone with my spidey sense and the general advice of the group.

Antennae: tweaked. Today around 10AM I walk into my living area and smell incense. It’s not on my specific house rules (newbie!) but given that I’m a no-smoking, no drugs house and was still AT HOME I’d think you’d at least ask the host if they mind before lighting up.

I asked him to put it out - politely but firmly. He asked why, and I told him that I didn’t like the smell and I didn’t want incense burned in my home. He said “But it’s high quality incense”. I said again that he needed to put it out.

Conversation continued:
Him: Why are you such a bitch?
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Him: I know you’re sorry.
Me: No, what did you say?
Him: You know what I said.

At that point, I turned around, walked to my bedroom, and got right on the phone with AirBnB. He’s gone. At first I thought they’d allow me to keep the full booking fee but once their case manager got on the line she let me know that she’d have to modify his booking and I’d only be paid for the nights he stayed.

I basically sat in my room and waited for two hours till he left. Looks like he kept the incense going for a while and brought it into the room as he was packing.

SO:

  1. I should have listened to you lovely gentles earlier on!
  2. PLEASE tell me most bookings are not this kind of crazy.
  3. I’m realizing that rules might need to be more specific than I was - but at the same time, I can imagine a host with a whole litany of rules is a turn-off for potential guests. Any rules of thumb as far as specificity, being overbearing, etc that you’ve figured out for yourselves over the years?

Thanks!

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I really hate that if a guest breaks the house rules and needs to be asked to leave, the host misses out on the entire booking amount. Something so unfair in that.

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I’m so sorry you had to put up with this misogynist crap in your own home. How horrific.

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Most bookings are great. I’m so sorry you had to deal with such a creep. I’ve hosted over 400 guests and none of them has called me a bitch. You really don’t need to try and figure out everything a guest could think of to do and make a rule. You have every right to tell guests that they may not burn incense in your house regardless of whether it’s in your rules.

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