Never lull yourself into a guests promise of a very late check-in!

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Usually, I don’t find myself attached or at the whim of a guests self-report of when they will show up. I like to think that I’m a savvy host who knows that though a guest may say we will be there at 10 pm, they may show up at 6 pm or 2 am!

For this reason, I ensure that at 3 pm, the suite is cleaned, restocked and beautifully turned over!

Well, for whatever reason…Maybe it was the madness of the long Thankgsgiving weekend looming ahead or the fact that my in-laws are “checking in” (non-paying) on Sunday for…(sobs quietly)…AN ENTIRE MONTH…

But, I decided to believe the guest when they said they would be showing up after a party they were attending straight from their flight. The guy (unprompted) inquired SEVERAL times in the days before if it was ok that they show up “VERY LATE” and suggested that they may disturb us if it was indeed after midnight into the wee hours… SEVERAL TIMES he indicated that there was no way they would arrive before 11 pm, in any event.

Well, armed with the safety of that knowledge, I burst into the suite at checkout time after previous guest and like a whirlwind, set out to do some touch-up painting, overall maintenance, upgrade of the showerheads, cleaning out of the adjacent storage closet, and then in smug contempt of my situation, thought it a good idea to refinish the solid teak desk in the bedroom of the suite (oh, and paint the vintage steamer trunk while I’m at it!). After all, laughing maniacally to myself, I had all the time in the world!!!

Well, imagine my absolute state of catatonic shock when Hubby calls to me through the window in back, “uhhh, babe…?”
“Yes, love?” (thinking oh…this is the year his mother will look at my heroic domestic accomplishments and tell me what a wonderful choice her son has made and how wrong she was ever to think that I was the ne-er’ do well she-devil/ neglectful housekeeper)
“The guests are here…”
“Hmmm? What did you say, my love? It sounded like you said the guests are here, sweetheart…But that is impossible because it’s only 8 pm”

“No, they are definitely here. I am just going to help them get their bags out of the car”

“Haha. I have always LOVED your sense of humour! The guests cannot possibly be here BECAUSE IT’S 8 PM AND THEY TOLD ME REPEATEDLY THAT THEY WOULD BE HERE AFTER MIDNIGHT! Haha…You are so very funny!”

“What did you want me to tell them?”

ME: (That dragon she-devil rising slowly from the pit of my stomach with the force of a 1000 tornados) BUT, SWEETHEART… THE GUESTS CANNOT BE HERE AS WHY WOULD ANYONE WASTE MY TIME WITH A 100 MESSAGES ABOUT LATE CHECK IN TIME IF THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT AT ALL SURE WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE DOING FROM MINUTE TO MINUTE? CAN YOU TEAR THEM LIMB FROM LIMB? OR TELL THEM THAT I HAVE CANCELLED THEIR RESERVATION FOR REASONS OF STUPIDITY? AND THAT I AM GOING TO DRINK WINE FROM THE BOTTLE IN A PUDDLE OF MY TEARS ON THE FLOOR? CAN YOU TELL THEM THAT YOUR EXTREMELY JUDGMENTAL MOTHER IS GOING TO ARRIVE AN HOUR AFTER THEY LEAVE AND WILL SPEND THE NEXT 30 DAYS CRITIQUING EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I DO, GIVING ME SIDEWAYS GLANCES AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY AND ASKING YOU WHY YOU DIDN’T END UP WITH THAT PERFECTLY MANNERED JULIE FROM CHURCH? Thanks, Darling!"

I am sure that that you all have experienced something slightly similar. And like the superhosts you are (even if you aren’t deemed so by the powers at be) you did what I did at that moment. You summoned all your problem solving abilities and within 10 minutes, swooped throughout the listing, simultaneously throwing things out of sight, dusting, cleaning, hoovering and gnashing teeth!

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever, ever, ever rely on a guests own word at what time they will arrive. Never lull myself into that false sense of security again!

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OMG, this is hilarious. You need to be posting much more frequently than you have been if this is your typical writing style.

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Lol. Mark them down to 1 star for communication. All those time wasting messages, and when you really needed a message because they were early, nothing.

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Great story!!! How did it turn out?? Did they provide any explanation?

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I agree.

And I bet you are a much better bargain than boring Julie from Church!

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This will be the last freespirited communication I will be able to transmit to the outside world for awhile.

T minus 2 hours until the wave (tsunami) of guilt of shame arrives aka MIL.

I am having to grit my teeth and smile already as hubby seems so excited flying around the house like a schoolboy. Between you and me, I think he is more looking forward to his Mums apple butter and all the cakes she will make because “some people just don’t have a talent for it, you poor thing”…

“That Julie from town now owns her own cupcake shop, did you hear, son?” I bet he heard because its only been mentioned 367 times!!! I bet Julie glides to work on the backs of gossamer winged butterflies and all the woodland animals help her do her laundry with a smile too! If Julie has any laundry that is… perhaps mice make a beautiful dress for her every day? Because she never wears “that old thing” out to dinner either!@&$*@!

I went out and bought a deluxe sheet set for them (she will read the label, see the Egyptian and say “its too foreign”). I ordered a massage chair for her as she can only sit in an electric recliner. She said that it would be “too much” and “why do I always have to complicate things?”. So Hubby ordered her another recliner which came just now! He will be lauded as Saint!

Thanks for listening. Wish me well. I will try to post as much as possible but I can already here the “you know, son, women that go on those forums are called…well you know what…where I come from…Ginny’s sisters cousin was on one of those and it broke up her family…I see so much of this world and I dont want you to suffer like so many”…

You see so much of the world from your laz-e-boy in a trailer park in Arizona, woman???

Ok. time to pull it together. Now their Gps says 45 mins…

PS- the guests just said “it wasnt much of a party so we came back here”…
PPS- I kept the massage chair for myself. :wink:

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Confide in MIL (with modestly downcast eyes) “Yes, that Julie is a wonder. We all know your dear boy only ended up with me because of my amazing, transporting, almost supernatural sexual technique. Oh well, it’s a gift. (Shrug.) Would you like a store-bought cupcake, dear?”

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Lol! Funniest thing I’ve read all day.

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Oh How I wish you were here to cheer me onto such executing such a response. I think I may just use that before 3.5 weeks is up!

They are not even here 4 minutes and from the other room I hear “oh tell her we are here already…not much point in beginning to clean the floors now” (I JUST SPENT HOURS CLEANING AND OILING AND POLISHING ALL OF THE HARDWOOD before they arrived)…and then my hubby suggested I go take a hot bath after I hear “oh she got another of those ugly dogs, I see! It isnt going to come near me, is it?”…I LOVE my dogs like my children.
I may not come out of the bathroom.

Please can one of you open up your rooms or suites to a desperate woman tonight? You may prevent a murder! If that doesn’t deserve a 5 star +, I don’t know what does! xo

Edited to add: I appear to have 2 accounts. One was from long ago. If anyone knows how to merge them, please let me know!

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So sorry you have to deal with that. Why doesn’t your husband say something to her?

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It has been somewhat bearable so far and I know how giddy he is to see them… So I try not to dampen his spirits. But this morning, if I didnt have proof before that I have a super man, I found out!

As I am dragging my feet and trudging my way down to the suite to have breakfast with them, Hub is already inside, looks at his watch quizzically and before anyone can say anything says " you are going to be late, babes. You sure you have time for breakfast?"

I looked at him with a half frowny, puzzled, half awake huh?

He said “Your refloxogoly with Erica!?? at 11?” (my reflexology is just an elaborate foot massage in a calm spa like atmosphere that I do occasionally with my gf).

“ooooohhhh…right…”
“Hurry, she called as she couldnt reach you and is on her way to grab you now…”
He turns to parents and apologizes saying that this is physical therapy that is booked weeks in advance. Likely, in my excitement at their arrival, it just slipped my mind! I HAD NO APPOINTMENT.

I looked at the man I had woken up beside for several years and saw him in an new light. To stop myself from grinning too wildly and kissing him obscenely, I quickly mouthed “I LOVE YOU”, made my goodbyes and escaped for a beautifully unexpected afternoon…Aaaahhh. Sometimes, Karma.

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Rather than laugh, I am feeling your pain. My own MIL is a total bitch and the FIL is little better. I am still known as “the wicked witch who stole her son”, even 26 years later and we haven’t seen them for fourteen years! The last time we saw them, they dropped in uninvited, expecting to stay for a couple of nights and to see our new house.
Not having asked beforehand, they didn’t know we were in full renovation mode, had no downstairs loo, no ceilings upstairs and two ladders to reach the bathroom and bedrooms. They left abruptly after MIL went up the ladders for a pee, and we haven’t heard from them since, except via other family.

Fortunately, her older sister and family fill the gap with much love, kindness, shared holidays and laughter.

I’m so glad your husband has become a saint in your own eyes. Hope he keeps it up for the duration, Remember, even if she slates you for needing therapy, the last laugh is on her; only you know the “therapy” is bogus!

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I have not posted on this forum before but I have to tell you this is the most hilarious story! I read it to my husband this morning and we both had a chuckle.

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You’ve missed your calling … you should be writing a column. I’d love to read your answers as an Agony Aunt.

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To clarify: Harlow Gold and Icklemiss are the same poster. Two accounts were created inadvertently.

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And like the superhosts you are (even if you aren’t deemed so by the powers at be)
You had me at this :heart_eyes:

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