Long term guests - keeping it "professional"

I am hoping for some advice from experienced hosts who share living space. I started recently and have had several short term stays but a gentleman is coming for 3 weeks. He will have his own room with keurig and his own bath. He will be working during the day and probably returning around dinner time. He will have access to the kitchen but my concern is that we may be eating or preparing dinner when he gets home. My inclination is to invite him to join us for dinner but this is really just a knee jerk reaction - I tend to feed anyone who is around. I know this relationship is quite different and am looking for guidance on dealing with the awkwardness involved. We had one short term guest who was around when we had a cook out so I asked him to join us which he did - but that was one night - I don’t want to set any precedents. This never arises with couples who tend to go out to eat. I hate feeling “rude” and eating in front of people. Any advice appreciated.
Thank you,
Maggie

You are not air bed and dinner! 3 weeks is a long time so don’t start out with being too friendly, just be professional. If he turns out to be a great guest, near the end of his stay you might invite him to dinner. It’s your home and you need to live as you usually do. We have a room and bath in our home but don’t accept guests for longer than 7 days. We found guests who stay longer tend to behave like roommates.
On the other hand, we have a repeat guest who comes for work one or two days each month and we have invited her to dinner, but she is the exception.
We serve breakfast to every guest.

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Agree with @Maggieroni, although we don’t have to be air bed and breakfast either!

The guest has booked to stay at your place renting out the room and using the loo etc., not dinner or your company.

This is your flat and your life, there’s nothing rude, in inverted commas or otherwise, for you to go about your normal life.

Is there a way you can set kitchen times for him to prepare his own dinner? Otherwise, it becomes a Grand Central Station situation - not good.

At the very least, you need to ask him what sort of food he intends to prepare because it will impact your use of your own kitchen. You need to communicate kitchen cleanliness standards at the get-go so it doesn’t put you in a “scolding” mode if he isn’t as attentive to clean-up as you want.

Three weeks of a guest wanting use of my kitchen does not appeal to me. Too many unknowns, not the least of which is making room in the fridge.

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I always invite guests to have dinner with us if they’re around at dinnertime. I’m a vegetarian so it’s not a financial burden. If you like they guest and would enjoy having him join you for dinner there’s no reason not to invite him.

I leave one shelf of my refrigerator free for guests. If they want to cook at the same time as I do; I assign them half the stove burners and one of the countertops.

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I actually think inviting him to join you for dinner on a daily basis will reduce your stress not increase it. You won’t feel under pressure to hurry and get out of the kitchen and it will be a chance for you all to relax and spend time together.

In all likelihood he won’t join you every day but I would extend the hand of friendship and take it from there. You can always add a small charge, say 5 -10 dollars, to cover the cost of the meal.

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Hi @Maggie

I have a shared space. I stopped doing stays of longer than a week after having a young couple who stayed on an off over two months. I don’t have the temperament for long stays and found they became more like housemates (apart from I still did all the cleaning :frowning:) and became resentful because they were all take and no give.

They ate my food and drank my wine and never offered anything in return. I soon stopped cooking for them.

Personally I wouldn’t invite them for dinner or else they will expect it every night unless you want to come to arrangement for them to pay extra for supper and you are happy to commit to providing regular meals.

I provide a shelf in the fridge and cupboard space and have a discussion with guests about what time I normally cook in the evening and then they can cook before or after. If you are cooking or eating when they come in, just say hello and carry on with what you are doing. They should respect your space and can cook when you are finished. I wouldn’t have people share my cooking space or sit down and eat at the table when I am eating, that would feel rather strange.

Remember this is a commercial arrangement and they are not friends who you would feed if they happen to be around they are paying guests.

If you get on you could invite him to join you one night towards the end of his stay (he should bring desert, a small gift or wine). I have done this if I particularly like a guest and they have always offered wine, flowers or chocolates.

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We do serve breakfast every morning, but have never invited any guest to any other meals. My feeling is that you should set him cooking hours and hand him a typed list of kitchen cleanliness standards and requirements.

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Some hosts here have started out with kitchen use and gradually removed all of it because it’s just too hard to police. I don’t share a space but I would do the same. I know there are exceptions like Ellen, but her temperament seems well suited to sharing the kitchen and sharing meals. I couldn’t do either as it creates expectations.

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Strangely, I have kept the kitchen amenity on my list but almost no one takes advantage. In fact, I have hosted over 365 guest nights and there have been exactly four meals prepared. And I was invited to join for two of them.

Since I am onsite, I hover while they are cooking. I am far more protective of my pots and pans than @EllenN who is far more laid back about sharing this space than I am.

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I make my kitchen available to guests staying over three nights now (as most of my guests are two nights it cuts out most of the cooking).

Those that cook - normally it’s just breakfast. A few use the stove to fry items. Rarely do they use the cooker.

I have a separate apartment but have recently taken the oven part of it out of service. They can still use the cooktop and a microwave. They also have their own BBQ outside. That’s enough cooking to offer, in my view.

Thank you all so much for your insightful replies. I am a bit surprised at the variety of way to handle the situation - I feel comfortable now welcoming this gentleman and being clear in my expectations. I very much appreciate all of you and your willingness to share your experiences with me.

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