As long as I’m up, I’m going to throw in my two cents on this.
The problem is that you (the OP) are sending mixed signals. You asked this community of hosts for input because you wanted to “see what comments people had” about your proposed guest review.
The hosts responded and their critique was the guest appeared to have acted properly because he smoked in the allowed area. You disagreed and declared everyone was “judgmental” and it was the guest who was at fault by breaking your smoking rule.
The issue is not with your no-smoking rule but that your actions did not support it. If you had told or reminded the guest that he was in violation of your smoking policy and was not allowed to smoke anywhere on your property, it would have been clearer and that you were enforcing your policy.
However, in your own words you stated, “I let him smoke out on the steps…and finally gave him an urn filled with sand so he’d have somewhere to put the butts.” By providing your guest with an ashtray (regardless of your reason for doing so), you were implicitly allowing him to continue smoking on your porch.
When you discovered your guest was a smoker, you stated you had only two options, to “ask him to leave or give him a responsible way to discard his cigarette butts.” Really? Other than asking him to leave, the second option should have been to tell him not to smoke anywhere on your property.
The point is to be aware of giving mixed signals…and not shoot the messengers - your fellow hosts.
(BTW, konacoconutz is the well-respected senior moderator of this forum.)