Amen to that last bit dcmooney! In fact, I have actually sought therapy since we have been doing airbnb, because I have found some of the treatment of guests in our home so upsetting, I began to realize that I was much too sensitive to unkind, rude or ungrateful guests, especially after all the work and effort I put into guests’ stays, that there had to be something going on from my end that needed dealing with. It turns out I am a perfectionist and very hard on myself, and also really struggle with saying ‘no’. Having to deal with pushy people has therefore been deeply uncomfortable, and I have often ended up letting guests do things or use things that I’d really rather they didn’t, resulting in me feeling angry afterwards, with the guests, and even worse, with myself.
I’ve learned as angry and resentful as I sound here, in real life I am a very eager people pleaser that always puts my own needs last, and find it extremely uncomfortable to get my own needs met, especially if it means saying no, or laying some ground rules. Partly it is cultural as I am an Aussie who finds Americans to be much more assertive about getting their own needs met, sometimes to the point of not being as considerate about how that impacts anyone else (this is a broad statement and is not meant to refer to everyone, it is just something I’ve noticed as a social difference and have struggled to find ways to respond to. It is also something I admire when used moderately and politely). When people push the boundaries as some inevitably do, I get very hurt and resentful that they would be so inconsiderate and selfish, and not consider our feelings. I can’t believe that people don’t have basic manners or courtesy - but of course, some are viewing their stay as a cheaper hotel, and they don’t want to have to consider anyone else, and this requires that I learn some self protective strategies. The therapy has actually been very enlightening so far, and will no doubt help me cope better when I have guests that I find unpleasant to deal with. Although it’s upsetting when guests seem ungrateful and are unable to recognize all the effort that went into ensuring their comfortable stay, it is a statement about them, not me, and I will eventually find the lack of approval and appreciation easier to handle I believe. Now there’s a look inside my psyche!
Wow, those are long stays dcmooney. Most of our guests that stay don’t stay that long as we attract the weekenders, but it’s true that the issues can rub a little harder over the longer stays. The Aussie guy sounds like his mum forgot to pack his adhd meds ;). He certainly sounds like he has some kind of anxiety issue. Conversations must be difficult if he is running on non stop. Usually Australians should be able to pick up on subtle cues to give a bit more space, or chill out a bit, especially if a bit of humor is used in the form of teasing (by saying ‘wow! You’ve made a record this morning Scotty! we’re going to have to time your word per minute rate. You might make it as an auctioneer!’ Or something else silly). A week with someone pacing in my kitchen that early in the morning would have me feeling tetchy already, because he should recognize this is where the family is getting ready for their day, and a bit of space would be nice. Hopefully he is appreciative, as that can take the sting out of even the most irritating habits.
I hope and believe your Denmark PHD will be charming and inquisitive, and will very much enjoy his stay, and you having him. Although the Danes and people from that part of the world can be restrained and even seem a bit overly reserved in general, when open to a situation such as a home stay, it is usually because of an inquisitiveness to learn about a new culture, and share about their own (unless they are truly just trying to save pennies! - then, yes, you may just get a reserved guest that is nice and quiet). Hopefully…