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Divorcing while Hosting Rooms

Only sincere, empathetic responses please.

I haven’t found much on the intersection of hosting rooms out of your home while going through a separation/divorce.

My partner moved out two weeks ago. All of the guests that arrive over the next several weeks booked before the split, so my guess is they’re expecting my partner and step-son to be at the house. I’ve avoided telling some guests directly… And even if they refer to things as “you guys” I just ignore it and still don’t tell my guests.

I feel kind of odd being in such pain with guests living in my home. When my partner still lived here, we made sure to have our conversations/disputes/arguments quietly or away from the house. I still got great reviews during that time. Now that it’s becoming a real thing, it’s so different. I thought I had already suffered the pain while decided to break up, but this is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

I wonder if Airbnb considers this an extenuating circumstance for canceling? Maybe not canceling will help me focus on things other than the pain?

Did you go through divorce while hosting? How did that work for you?

I’m sincerely sorry about your situation, and hope that, if you did want to cancel, AirBnB would understand.

I haven’t been through this, but a few years ago I was hosting (via Couchsurfing) regularly when my husband moved to the other side of the world. I didn’t really feel like being a jolly host at that time either, but in the end I think that having new people, who didn’t know anything about my situation, around the house actually really helped me to transition quickly into singledom. Having said that, I didn’t host any couples - i’m not sure I would have been able to handle that.

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Though I haven’t experienced this, I have experienced pain and I think trying to keep things as normal as possible is best for you. But you also have to think about the guest experience. I don’t think you have to answer to your guests, but you do have to interact with them so if you think it would be awkward and painful you might be best off to contact them and see if they can/will make different bookings. Best wishes to you.

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Everyone is difference of course, but I think that you have have the answer in your comment I quoted above. By focusing on your guests, you might find yourself one the road back to a normal life.

Yes, what you’re going through is absolutely no fun at all but work is a great way to get through it. Please don’t take this the wrong way - but the guests might be so good for you because you’ll be concentrating on making them comfortable and happy and not thinking about yourself. Focus on them.

Airbnb might accept your situation as extenuating circumstances and let you cancel but then what? You’ll be left at home alone, unhappy and with nothing to take your mind off these sad circumstances. Surely that wouldn’t be good for you? Thinking about others will help you.

As for mentioning the situation to your guests, I wouldn’t. If they mention that they expected your partner and step-son to be there just be vague ‘oh, they’re away’ or ‘something cropped up’. Truly, there’s not a lot worse than having to listen to newly-separated people telling you about their woes.

Your guests are on vacation so concentrate on giving them a good time. It might even be a sort of therapy for you. Very best wishes, and let us know how it goes.

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That’s a difficult situation. Who is the listed host?

Hopefully these aren’t the only two options!

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Been there. I wouldnt worry too much about guests who ask for the missing partner. You can just explain that xx is out of town. You have been under the weather so you really apologize.

Then carry on. When I endured painful breakups, I would find outdoor things to do to get my mind off the searing grief. One breakup in particular slayed me. I was a wreck for a year. Well last night, I happen to come upon photos of him getting married over the weekend. It’s a little annoying to see for sure, because he married someone 20 years younger, and this is wife number two after breaking up with me. And wife number five overall. For real. Bottom line: He’s not a catch! He’s someone else’s handful now! I’m well rid of him! I don’t want to be changing his diapers as he is old now!!!

But back in the day I thought I would die of grief.

I bought a canoe and paddle just to have peace and solace. Eventually it hurt less and less and then one day not at all. Now I can look at photos of him getting married and just feel annoyed. That’s a big step, hahah! One day it will not hurt, I promise.

I wish the same for you. And don’t worry about the guests. Most really are there to stay in an inexpensive room, not to make friends with hosts.

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The pain will be there regardless of if you are alone or hosting guests with a fake smile. I admit I am not someone who can just go to work and all of a sudden feel focused on other things. The only thing that has ever distracted me in real life (from other painful/negative thoughts) is indoor laser tag. I can get so enthralled in that and competing, that for 10 minutes of my life I am determined to be one of the top winners. I will hide, duck, sneak up on, and do anything to get the other players to die and not be able to shoot me. Then I would come out and remember the real world :frowning: - BTW - I also have vivid dreams of being in wars and helicopters are outside my window and I am doding bullets…no kidding.

Just keep in mind that the universe sometimes is very planned out. You may just meet another guest who is going through the same thing. He/she may divulge something and you both may bond. You might actually be introduced to a future mate…maybe not any indication this time around. But this may be the introduction in hind sight. The universe works in mysterious ways.

You will be stronger once you get through this.

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I’m so sorry for your painful loss.

I agree with others - being forced to get up, put on a smile, and interact is exhausting during such times but can also be a lifesaver.

Has anyone else watched Faulty Towers with John Cleese? He’s an innkeeper with a terrible temper. He can be in the kitchen screaming his head off, everything in chaos, but then an important guest arrives and he’s all sugar “Yeeeesss Mrs. Smythe, how very GOOOOD to see you”. I feel sometimes like I’m channeling him.

But you don’t owe your guests a song and dance every time. Smile, be cheerful, be helpful, then excuse yourself.

Good luck - let us know whenever you need a ‘you can do it’ cheer.

You can, you know - do it. We’ve all been there and will be again. Somehow, miraculously, we do get one foot in front of the other. “One Day at a Time”, I think, is a luxury many of us don’t have. “One Minute at a Time”. that’s what works for me most days.

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My number 2 married someone younger than our son :slight_smile:

All part of the fun…

EDITED: Apologies to the OP, I didn’t mean to be flippant. But I hope the replies show you that several of us have been there. You can rely on us here for support when you need it.

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Having been through a severe breakup one or two times myself, I can say that I have learned to get busy and stay busy when in that kind of grief. So, while it may seem like a terrible struggle right now, try to let it be a good struggle and distraction. If nothing else, life goes on despite our broken hearts!

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