Decoding what guests say

So the guest says “It’s so quiet and peaceful here!” What that means: they will leave the TV on full blast all night because they aren’t used to so much quiet.

They say: “we’re here to hike” That’s translated as “We heard pot is legal here. Cool” or, alternatively, it means “we’re headed to the mall, but we’re going to take a lot of selfies in various outfits in your backyard and pretend that we spent a lot of time on the trails.”

They say" My fiancé is going to be working on her PhD dissertation during the day while I am at a conference." They mean: You’ve got Netflix, Hulu and Prime video, right?

What super-secret guest-speak have you decoded?


I don’t. My guests - surprisingly maybe - tend to be honest.


“Don’t worry about us, we are here just to relax.” eventually followed by "Could you make sure to drop off the snorkeling power scooters tomorrow and while at it also the engine for the row boat so we can get around that much quicker.


Cute topic.

I don’t have any guest examples to give (my guests are pretty straightforward), but it reminds me of classified ads, “Men seeking women”.

“Into sports”- means he spends the weekend in front of the TV and expects you not to interrupt and to bring him beers.

“Looking for a woman 25-35 to start a family” - means he’s at least 50 and was was too self-absorbed, immature, and irresponsible to want to have kids before.

“Likes working out at the gym” - means he will spend his time admiring his muscles in front of the mirror rather than pay attention to you.


“We’re originally from the area and will be visiting family.” Translates into family BBQ at your place with non registered guests!


“We’ll treat your home like our own”- their house looks like three 15 year-old crackheads live there.

“Just a little get-together for Grandma’s birthday”- they’ve advertised a party at your place on Instagram.

“Planning a bachelorette with 4 of my closest friends”- you’ll be vacuuming up glitter for a year.


I think in some cases our guests are not so much dishonest as self-deluded. They think they are going to get fit and hike for 8 -10 hours day during their stay; they go out the first day and get overtired, and the remainder of the week they veg and hope to smoke dope and never hike again.


Yeah. We just had that couple.

Why did they not bbq at their local family’s home, since they didn’t like our set up?

Answer, because they seemed to make a habit of being disgruntled, about almost everything.


Our glitter experience was last year, and I still find tiny remnants in the closet baseboards.

We’ve dodged the 15 year old crack head trio thus far, though as a mom of 4 sons, I have strong visuals to draw on.


There’s that. All of my guests are avid campers in the messaging.
Turns out some avid campers cannot light campfires and are afraid of squirrels.
All of the dogs mentioned in the messaging are well trained.
Some are well trained to run at high speed while their humans shout for them to get back here.


They say: “I’m booking the place for my wedding party.” They mean: “Expect vomit.”

They say: “I’m booking for my employees, who will be working in the area.” They mean: “I’ve lectured them to behave, but all bets are probably off on their last night there.” (I’ve found the more specialized the business, the better the guest.)

They say: “You’re the cleaning staff?” They mean: “This is Iowa, we don’t expect the host/building owner to have pink hair.”


haha, I’ve got a group coming up next weekend and she described the group of 6 as “3 young professional couples”.

what is that code for?


I think it translate into “Party time!”

haha, they are staying in the guest wing of our house. they are probably such “professionals” they failed to read the listing right. Main guest has 2 nice reviews, last one in 2018 so she’s likely to be late 20s by the looks of her, and she writes nice reviews too. I’m feeling ok with it.

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They have enough money to buy the good stuff!


What is “professional” in that context supposed to mean, anyway? I could never figure that out.

As far as I’m aware, professional simply means you get paid for what you do, as opposed to “amateur”.

Somehow it has come to mean what? I have a job and I’m respectable?


Yes, i’m only a tiny bit concerned they feel the need to reassure me of their respectability like that. Truly quiet, respectable types wouldn’t even realise they need to say that. I’m not feeling concerned but I would prefer to be able to find her on social media. a “professional” would be on Linkedin…


Party, Party, Party…Pot, Pot, Pot

I ran several businesses over 30 years, and refused to join LinkedIn after being spammed many times every time someone I knew joined up. It was of no use for my business, it appeared that it was mostly used to get your resume out where recruiters could see it, and it appeared to generate tons of email spam, when I was trying to shut down that firehose.

So not all “professionals” join LinkedIn. From what I can tell, LinkedIn folks are mostly marketing types, not engineers, architects, doctors, or lawyers, all of which have professional organizations which are far more important to them than LinkedIn.


I don’t get any spam from Linkedin, and whilst I agree it’s not useful for all industries, for the job hopping millenials who like to build networks, it’s pretty useful. And, marketeers are now focussing heavily on Linkedin.

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