New here, this is my first post, so please let me know if there’s anything I should be doing differently.
I’m a 30 year old autistic woman, currently living with my parents and looking to get back out on my own. My family owns a beautiful old farmhouse, about a mile away from my parents’ farm. My dad started renting it out on AirBnb this past spring. After telling him multiple times that I’m interested in moving into the house (both of my younger brothers have rented it from him previously), he gave me two options.
1 - I can rent the entire house for $1000/month plus utilities (which I can’t afford at the moment, but hopefully will eventually be able to).
2 - I can live on the main floor of the house (with the bedroom and parlor being private areas, living room, bathroom, and kitchen common areas, and upstairs for guests) and be an AirBnb co-host.
Problem: He refuses to tell me what he would expect of me as a co-host.
We’ve had multiple conversations about it that go nowhere and mainly consist of, “So, what would my responsibilities as a co-host be?” “What do you want them to be?” “What are my options?” “Whatever you want.”
I finally came up with what I thought was a good plan.
Due to being autistic, dealing with people can be difficult and exhausting for me, even when I enjoy it.
I usually do well face-to-face, as long as I have some warning of the potential for interaction beforehand. At my seasonal job at a nearby campground, for instance, I know that while I’m there, I will potentially be dealing with park guests on and off all day, so I’m prepared for that. I also know that when I go home, I can go to my room and be alone for the rest of the night to deal with any overload from the day, rest up, recharge, etc.
I do not do as well with phone calls, particularly unexpected ones. I have some mild auditory processing issues, and deal with anxiety in addition to that. Again, when I’m at work, I can deal with this, because I am prepared for it, and I know I only have to deal with it for the 8 hours I’m there.
I communicate best through writing, but unexpected messages can also very be anxiety-inducing and it can take me time to gear up to read them, not to mention having to come up with a reply afterwards.
So I had the idea that my dad could deal with the booking/reservation portion, and I could greet the guests when they arrive, take care of any issues while they’re there, and do the cleaning afterwards.
That way, I would have some warning about when I would have to be interacting with people - I would know, “Okay, this guest is coming in this day, so I will have to be prepared to greet them at this time and welcome them to the house. They’re staying until this day, so I will have to be prepared to be on-call for that period of time in case they need anything.” I think I could deal with that.
What I can’t deal with is having to be prepared for phone calls or messages the entire time I’m awake, day in and day out. I know it would hardly be constant, but just the idea of having to be prepared to take a phone call or reply to a message at any time makes me anxious. And knowing that there will be days that will go by with no phone calls or messages, but I will still have to be expecting them, and then end up being anxious all day for nothing. It honestly makes me want to cry just thinking about it because I know how stressful and exhausting that would be for me.
When I tried presenting this idea to my dad, he immediately shot it down. First because, “Well the booking part is easy, that’s not any work at all!” (My unspoken thought: good, then you should be able to handle it!). Then because he thought it would be too complicated having both of us deal with a single booking (isn’t that the whole point of co-hosting?) - he’d have to communicate with me about the guests and bookings and such, and the guests shouldn’t have to deal with more than one person (how hard is it to just say, “My daughter will greet you when you arrive, and you can contact her with any issues you have during your stay”?).
I’ve tried bringing it up since then, but the conversation never goes anywhere. I’m trying to come up with a way for this to work, but he just continues to throw obstacles in my way instead of trying to help me figure it out.
I’m hoping someone here will have some ideas that could help me - either some help figuring out what some specific co-host responsibilities might be, or some help figuring out a plan I can present to my dad, or a better way to approach him…I’m open to pretty much any suggestions. Even if it’s just, “Your dad is an abusive jerk, forget about it and move far, far away.”
(That last one is actually probably my best bet - I know I probably didn’t share enough details for anyone to actually come to the conclusion that he’s an abusive jerk, but it’s true. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to be hopelessly optimistic that he means well, despite all of my experiences to the contrary. Also, I grew up in that old farmhouse - we lived there until I was 14 - and I really, really love it and want to live there. Otherwise I probably would just forget about it and focus on my side plan to get out of here and move far, far away.)