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I think bias that gets continually reinforced is even harder to get over. I recently returned from visiting South Korea, where my son was a university exchange student. I absolutely loved the country. The people, he culture, the food, the history! It’s a very endearing place.
But then I’ve had two sets of South Korean guests who were not what I would call ideal! Neither could read a word of English so I think part of the problem is not understanding the instructions. One of the guests was lovely, offering to look after my son in Korea, as he was a medical doctor. I appreciated that so much. They left the place a big mess…but left me a good review. In my review, I only described his nice personality and didn’t mention the bad condition of the apartment or the long showers.
Just one question then DC, if you say you don’t know if Bjorn’s post was racism, why did you like ️ Cardinals post saying ‘That’s an incredibly racist post!’. Liking a post is an endorsement of what that poster has said. It doesn’t endorse just part of the message. The strongest part of the message was calling Bjorn’s message racist, even though he’d had a Chinese girlfriend which should indicate to anyone that he obviously isn’t racist, because racists aren’t typically attracted to races they hate or have racist feelings towards, and we might at least imagine he liked and was attracted to his girlfriend.
I just want to clarify this because supporting posters that make such strong accusations is pretty major. People should be able to come and feel safe to post their experiences without being called names and attacked. The OP’s question was legitimate with the background he gave of Chinese guests warning him about other Chinese.
Yes, but again you are encouraging this kind of thing on another thread, even from a known abusive personality. I understand this is a sensitive topic for you, but I wish you wouldn’t take to subversive attacks on those who come to share their experiences.
Sandy, don’t be too cross with me for liking someone else’s post as well – a post literally made me laugh out loud and so I clicked like! I feel our discussions on this forum get pretty hilarious because our collective venting often has this element of intensity and absurdity that I don’t think anyone outside the world of hosting would get. Whether it’s old people, Chinese people, the menstrual sexually active, skid marks in toilets, I mean, it just gets kinda funny. Billy Bob’s exasperation can make me laugh and I’m sorry if that’s hurtful as I believe you’ve had an unpleasant exchange with him before (or was that Kona?)
Anyway, I see this forum as being filled with a cast of amusing characters but I can see how you might not feel so light-hearted if someone has previously insulted you. I don’t believe I’ve ever been dismissive of hosts dreading Chinese guests – with Bjorn, I tried to point to political-economic contexts that might account for some differences. Personally, I think countries that go through very rapid processes of industrialization produce newly emergent middle-class populations that are quite brusque and socially “hardened” for a couple of generations.
Do you know how to ‘unlike’ a post? As I mentioned in my previous reply, I wanted to unlike it but still can’t figure that out.
But for what it’s worth, and I say this without having taken any offense because I understand a bit where you’re coming from, I now feel attacked because I mistakenly hit a ‘like’ button, because I did agree with something in that post. Now I’m having to explain myself, AGAIN, when really, once should have been sufficient, unless you just want to punish me.
Tried it - didn’t work - really! But maybe it’s a time thing, because I just like one of your posts, then unliked it, and that worked. Hmmph! Maybe it was just meant to be??
Chicago… yes. Billy Bob called me “shady” for collecting accommodations tax in cash in person, and said it brought down all hosts by doing so… despite the fact that collecting tax in cash upon arrival is something that is openly suggested by Air BnB themselves. He also told me I “shouldn’t be in business” if I can’t figure out a way to add tax into the nightly rate and still make it profitable. I guess I took issue with being called shady and a poor businesswoman. All of those threads were removed (NOT flagged)… Removed.
DC, this is another tempest in a teapot and I don’t think you were endorsing racism by liking parts of someone’s post! You should feel under pressure by members of this forum to change your opinion of something either.
I’m sorry Chicagohost but yours and DC’s cries of naivety just don’t ring true. If your children were on Facebook and had liked posts by the school bully that were clearly made to denigrate, poke fun at and deny traumatic experiences that other kids had opened up to online, and at the same time try to make those kids that came for help and reassurance feel stupid, like idiots, and like their experiences were being ridiculed and disbelieved, would you encourage your children? Would you say to them that endorsing a bullies jokes was right, so long as they found it hilarious and ‘literally made them laugh out loud’?
Surely there needs to be some thought behind what you are getting a kick out of. Do you not stop to think if it is at the expense of others feelings? Obviously people have struggled with Chinese guests. We have had enough hosts come here to express their stories to know it is happening. When your home and hospitality is disrespected it can be hurtful, confusing and even traumatic. It is natural for people to seek understanding on the matter. What a pity that people can’t behave like adults instead of bullies.
Endorsing racism? She was endorsing a post accusing the OP Of being racist. I think you’re confused. She needn’t change her opinion - she’s made it pretty clear. The problem is that she has chosen to do so by supporting other posters who have the guts to say what she apparently doesn’t have the guts to say out loud - perhaps because she realizes that it is totally inappropriate. The other posters who’s posts she has liked have said that anyone that discusses their negative experiences hosting Chinese are racist, and makes them out to be ridiculous bigots and of accusing the Chinese of things no one has said - such as being ‘smelly old Chinese’. Her inability to empathize with the many hosts that share experiences that have been confusing and upsetting for them - if those guests are Chinese is her own thing. But hiding behind other people who will say these terrible things and think it doesn’t go noticed that she is backing them up is sorely mistaken. I would have hoped for better, that’s all. We’re trying to build a caring community of hosts that help one another, not run each other down.
Anyway whatever. Obviously my hopes for how people will behave and how they do are two very different things.
Sandy, I think I would definitely be more careful and regulating of behavior (of my own and of others) in the hypothetical instance you cite, but the difference here is that we are not children in need of protection.
People have struggled with Chinese guests and posters have received a good deal of support and empathy from others who have dealt with similar. If a few lone voices express a contrary view, they are entitled to that. I don’t feel that the statement that I liked was “bullying” – it emerged as an absurd utterance within a long thread of mostly supportive and empathetic responses. When Billy Bob has picked on people, I have expressed contrary views to his statements.
Good-bye, everyone - I’ve enjoyed getting to know many of you, but do not enjoy being slandered. If anyone has been offended by any of my posts, please do contact me privately and let me know.
DC! Please don’t leave!!! You’re a wonderful person and host and I encourage you to stay. Don’t let the opinions of ONE (1) person here run you off. Please stay… and see my PMs.
I’m copying my answer to your other ‘good bye’ due to being ‘slandered’ here: Oh please. Here we go with the victim card. I have seen this dozens of times on forums when bullies get called out. They try to play the victim so everyone will suddenly go ‘OH please don’t leave!!! That person is so horrible to have upset you! You did nothing wrong!’.
These are total high school antics. Please show where I have slandered you. All I have done is pulled you up for being two faced. All it would have taken was recognition that it was a bit of a slip in your usually decent behavior, and that you can see that this is not the way we promote a caring environment.
So many people are afraid of bullies. Others love the drama, and enjoy seeing people being put down. They like to get on side with them, so long as it’s others being made fun of, it won’t be them, right? Well, not really. Bullies make fun of anyone. It’s a pity, because these people are parents and know that they wouldn’t encourage that same behavior in their kids. There’s nothing funny about making other people feel stupid.
If you want to pretend you didn’t encourage Billybobs stupid remarks or the other one above and are claiming technical difficulties then that’s what you’re going to do. You can try to make me into a bad person for pulling up this kind of behavior but I don’t mind. I’m not overly tied to this forum. I just find it disappointing when adults behave this way and am not afraid to call it out. Claiming slander is a stretch.
️ Cardinals post saying ‘That’s an incredibly racist post!’. Liking a post is an endorsement of what that poster has said. It doesn’t endorse just part of the message. The strongest part of the message was calling Bjorn’s message racist, even though he’d had a Chinese girlfriend which should indicate to anyone that he obviously isn’t racist, because racists aren’t typically attracted to races they hate or have racist feelings towards, and we might at least imagine he liked and was attracted to his girlfriend.