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Can we all try to get along better?


#1

Forum members:

There have been quite a few complaints about members being cruel to each other, ganging up, bullying, and not being helpful. Long time members have said this recently, and this seems to be a common theme with newbies feeling this way too. I promise you I am not directing this to any specific individual/individuals at all, and at the same time I am not excluding myself in this message. This message is for everyone:

Please try to be a bit more compassionate when a poster is going through an issue. Try not to kick them when they are down. Our group is running newbies and long time members off. Even old timers have said many of us can come across as arrogant, condescending, etc. Let’s all use the scroll button if what we say is likely going to tear someone down. You can be truthful, but also not make someone feel badly about themselves.

I’m really not trying to create a debate. But just a request that we all try a little harder, and I will do the same. I also don’t think a lot of newbies are wanting to leave just because they don’t agree with advice given. It’s the tone and manner in which it is delivered.


#2

I have an order for myself when I’m in a position of experience or authority – such as with my kids or my staff – and they bring a problem or issue up. I’m human too and I mess up and don’t always follow my own approach but I try to:
First, listen and express sympathy.
Second, help the person figure out what can be done right now to fix things or make them better (this is where you bite your tongue and refrain from saying “you should have” or “why didn’t you,” which can make people feel stupid, embarrassed or defensive)
Third, if applicable, discuss with the person what can be learned from the experience and what they can do in the future to avoid the problem.
A forum doesn’t represent long term personal relationships, so this is just food for thought and not suggesting I have some superior methodology. Part of the fun here is the different online personas, including the more peppery ones.


#3

Thank you for posting this.


#4

It’s the same handful of posters who seem to revel in being rude. Send them off, it improves the community.

Hospitality should be a hospitable subject.


#5

I’d draw the line at so-called “authors” asking us to write their articles for them.

Off with their heads!


#6

@cabinhost, thank you for putting into words what I have been thinking for a long time. Several times, I have resisted giving my own advice for fear of ugly comments in return.

While I truly believe that nearly all of the advice disseminated here is in “good faith”, it’s given in the same way as an educated doctor would dispense their advice and opinion, but with a terrible bedside manner.

People that post a topic here are often in a vulnerable position, having just had some “incident” that has occurred, and is looking for both advice AND support. There’s a time for tough love, but perhaps done in a more gentle way.


#7

Wow… @bigappleman, you must have been reading my mind the other day. I was thinking the exact same thing and even the words “tough love” crossed my mind. Yes, some posters are in a very vulnerable state, some are in even tears when they finally come to this forum as a last resort. Some have just been robbed by a guest, or maybe they are fearful of how to confront a guest for fear of their own safety. Or a guest has just tried to come onto a woman, and she is all shaken up.

The last thing that person needs is to be scolded and told how it was their fault, when often times it really isn’t their fault. Provide the support they need at that moment, and then gently suggest something to help them to avoid it in the future…if you can suggest something.

You never know what personal issues someone on the other end of the computer screen is dealing with in their own life, and you don’t want to be the last straw that sets them over the edge.


#8

Hey Lynn, In a previous post on another conversation (one which you said you would no longer follow- which is why I’m posting here) you mentioned having a paper in your units that describes the differences of 5 star reviews between Airbnb and Hotels. Would you mind sharing that document?

Thanks in advance!!!


#9

I provide 2 pieces of information about the reviews but not how the ranking system differs from hotels.

  1. When the guests check in there is a welcome sheet on top of the suite manual. This is what the first few two lines say:

“Welcome to Your Suite.
Your AirBnB review is very important to us and we hope that your stay will be 5 Stars!”

  1. Then when I send the check out message on the day of departure I also included a memo which I modified this week because I was being called out about how I was bribing my guests for reviews. That was never my intent but because I never want to risk Airbnb shutting me down, I did modify it this morning. These changes did help to to bring up my reviews.

"Thank you for staying at our suite in Melrose.

As a reminder, check out time is 10 am. When you leave, please send a quick message via the Airbnb Messaging App.

When you check out, please shut off all appliances, air conditioners and shut the suite 's from door and the red door on the first floor.

I hope your stay in the Boston area was enjoyable.

We hope that your review will be a 5 Star Review! Five star reviews help our listing being found by future guests and let them know what our AirBnB is like. Also, we will write you a review that will let hosts know what it’s like to have you as a guest.

AirBnb only gives you 14 days to write the review and as hard as it might seem, the time will fly by once you check out.

Warm Regards,
Lynn"

3, Another thing that seemed to help was making a point of saying hello to the guests and small chit chat (if they want it) once during their stay.

FYI - On my check in sheet I also have space for feedback and I have listened to the comments and added things that I thought were necessary. More lighting in kitchen, sharp knife and cutting board, Storage rack in bathroom. Some I ignore (if you take out the carpets the place would be cozier but of course noisier for me who lives below_ but some of useful.


#10

I was a participant in a photography forum for a while. It seemed like every post was met with scorn and negativity. It was the same set of users.

Anyways, I left and haven’t gone back.


#11

THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS.

Sadly on-line forums in general have become a place for the bullied to become the bulllies. I appreciate the reminder to abide by the golden rule, “Treat others as you would like to be treated”.

No two people are alike. This forum is rich with people of various ethnic backgrounds, differing nationalities, different perspectives, and wonderful other differences. Basic courtesy is always appropriate.


#12

I am probably one of those being complained about for giving direct answers when asked for advice on these forums. But I am also capable of being empathetic and spending many hours giving advice to hosts who post here with a problem and then are never seen again.

I didn’t find that comment to you to be passive aggressive. (Comment has been removed by Cabinhost now). Simply a reminder to you that the majority of active members on here are also experienced hosts, who learn something regularly from being part of this forum. Just because we are experienced super-hosts doesn’t mean we can’t learn…Otherwise why would we come here and ask for advice?

However you quoting her and calling her comment a ‘passive-aggressive gem’…is in itself rather … ‘passive-aggressive’ :slight_smile:

It would be great to see your using your experience to contribute responses to other hosts who may need help around issues you have knowledge about.


#13

And this is a great example of what I was talking about us all trying a bit harder.

@helsi - I had no idea who the poster was until you mentioned her name…although in all fairness I could have guessed based on the date the poster mentioned of joining ABB (within the post).

And I will go edit @Lynick4442’s post just to remove it it to try to keep this thread clean and not rehash old drama. And I will edit yours just to also remove the name.

Playing devil’s advocate: At the same time, you perceived the post differently and didn’t find it to be passive aggressive…which actually many people would disagree, and think that post wasn’t very helpful …and the OP said she already had expressed much frustration in another thread.

In all truthfulness, I did not research to go back to the context of all these posts and threads to pull it all together. But was it really helpful to tell someone they think they are too sensitive, and to not take offense so easily, when they are in a state of frustration?..I can see why the recipient of that post wouldn’t like it…depending on the context of the thread of course.

Playing devil’s advocate again… @Lynick4442 could come back and say in this current thread "I wasn’t being passive aggressive at all…but merely quoting a comment I had received without even naming the person. So I was just being direct.

This is the issue we have here. People are claiming to just be “direct” when it’s really passive aggressiveness, putting words into peoples’ mouth, gas lighting, etc. Sometimes they are being direct, and sometimes the intent is to fuel the fire.

I think the overall rule is…did that post I just made bring someone down to feel badly, or did I help them?

@Helsi, I was just using this as a good example of how people justify and perceive posts differently is all.


#14

@Helsi, I agree you are a great contributor and have spent many hours helping hosts, and can also be empathetic. So, I want to clarify my original post.

I truly meant that my post was not directed to any specific person/persons. There have been many recent public complaints, and also private complaints…and often times specific names aren’t even mentioned - just the ganging up on and newbies feeling bewildered into feeling like they just stepped into the twilight zone.

And I have agreed with many of the complaints and the feelings of other members, so that is why I felt it was just time to request we all try to get along better, including myself.


#15

One of the issues might be the fact that on a forum, you might answer the question the same way that the last 10 people answered. Person asking for help thinks they’re being ganged up on? I don’t have an answer or solution for it, but that seems to be what happens.… Someone talks about their issue, many people chime in, then the original person starts complaining that they’re being ganged up on. Maybe there’s a way so that new people are forewarned that many of us want to help, in our own way, and that. getting the same response from 10 people which goes against the original posters thoughts is Informative, not negative.


#16

Again…playing devil’s advocate I can see your point - but I truly feel that it is a small minority of newbies who fall into the category of taking offense and leaving in a tantrum.

As an observer when I sometimes don’t even participate in the thread, I truly cringe watching the ganging up on and gas lighting sometimes.

When you sometimes reverse the situation, those same posters would have a fit if they were spoken to in the same manner.

I feel if we need to give warnings ahead of time to newbies on how to perceive our group…then our group is doing something wrong with delivering our opinions. Too often we hear "just delete my account from this nasty group of people’ - and that’s not good…


#17

I think part of this ganging up on is that 10 people have responded, 8 people scolded and told the person basically how dumb they were, and then 2 people provided something useful. I think…just guessing here @Rolf


#18

I also see people coming on either not understanding airbnb or not understanding the consequences of their actions and getting angry when their perspective is not agreed to.


#19

I agree that many don’t understand Airbnb and believe me when the bare bones basic questions are asked…it frustrates me to no end. I did so much homework before even starting to list on any site. I studied forums, rules, etc. And with those particular threads, I have recently decided I need to scroll on by a lot of them, and if I choose to educate them on Airbnb, then I should come across as helpful and not scolding.

That’s where I have had to stop myself and edit my post, or choose to just let someone else help them…maybe another newbie can help them?

I think sometimes forum members feel this sort of “requirement” to respond to a thread just because they invested the time to read through it. And really…sometimes best to scroll on by it and let others work it out for themselves.


#20

When a new host comes, there was discussion on changing the header logo to the new one to make sure the newbie knew this was not an official airbnb forum. What happened to that?

I think it would be more clear from the get-go if it didn’t match airbnb quite as much.It would help the newbie to know it wasn’t official airbnb - therefore they might be more prepared & know the risks before jumping in that we are just a group hosts that use airbnb (and other platforms), not an official airbnb place.
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